Gensomaden Saiyuki: Dokugakuji
Title: Fatal Bonds 2
Pairing: Dokugakuji x Gojyo (platonic)
Rating: PG.
Word Count: 1034
Summary: Doku meets his brother Gojyo, now his enemy, at the bar they used to frequent.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki nor its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya.
I never thought I’d see him here again. Fei-san’s bar, the old town, just like the old days. Same place, and apparently the same drinks. That is, if that bottle he’s holding onto is a beer.
My own whiskey in hand, I approach him. I stood a respectable distance behind his bar stool.
“Gojyo.”
He froze. I saw the stiffening in his shoulders and neck. I saw the long fingers tighten around the neck of the bottle. I did not prod him further. I know this is a surprise for him.
Seconds dragged to a minute.
Finally, without turning to face me, he whispered hoarsely: “Why are you here, Dokugakuji?”
It was my turn to keep silent. And he kept silent too.
Likewise, seconds melted to a minute.
Why was I here? Perhaps what my brother really wanted to ask was, “Why did you have to be here when I’m here, Doku?” That much was obvious in his voice.
Why was I here? I have a right to remember my mother’s death, right?
“Not Dokugakuji. Jien,” I chided him softly, still waiting for his invitation to sit down.
“…Jien,” he repeated after another excruciatingly slow minute. He gestured to the empty stool beside him, and I took it gratefully.
After a long stretch of silence, I said, “You remembered her too?”
“No,” he replied. “We just happened to be passing by this town. It’s just coincidental.”
“You lie.”
I observed the sudden tensing of his back, shoulders squaring. His chest began to heave up and down. I warily set my glass on the bar, readying myself in case he did something stupid.
He set his glass on the bar with a heavy thunk! And his head dropped into his waiting hands. He held that position for a long time. I relaxed and waited for him to calm down.
At long last, he turned to face me, tears glistening in the depths of his pained eyes.
“How could I forget, Jien? This is the day our lives were shattered. This is the day I lost everything important in my life.”
I waited for him to continue.
“Why did you have to kill her, Jien?”
“We’ve already been through this before,” I replied, turning away from him.
“But why?” His pleading whisper tugged at my heart. I had no choice but to answer him.
“You still don’t understand until now? I had to protect you from her. She almost killed you.”
“I understand, but I can’t accept it,” he whispered. “By killing her, you killed yourself too. You never should have killed her. That way you’d still be my brother.”
Oh. Now this was something new.
“But…I AM still your brother, Gojyo.”
“No, you’re not Jien anymore. Jien is dead. You’re…Dokugakuji.” He said my new name with a tinge of sadness.
“That doesn’t matter, Gojyo. I still love you as before. And I would never dream of hurting you intentionally.”
“But don’t you realize the tragedy of the situation? You bow down to whatever Kougaiji says. And if he says you have to kill me, you’d be following his order, not your own will. So you WILL hurt me someday, Jien.”
I paid little heed to the bitterness in his voice as he uttered my prince’s name. Instead, I lightly punched him on the shoulder. “Are you afraid of that day, bro?” I teased.
He smiled back. “No. I can easily handle an old geezer like you. But,” he cast his eyes downward, “I want you back, Jien.”
“Gojyo…” I was at a loss for words. A dam of sorrow was threatening to drown me.
“But I know you won’t ever come back. You can never protect me, be there for me.”
I shut my eyes tightly. “Don’t do this, please.”
But he was persistent. “Is this karma? Is a taboo child truly cursed? I lost the only two people I’ve ever loved in my life. And I don’t know what hurts more: the death of ‘kaasan in my name or the continued existence of a brother who has turned into an enemy. Truly, I don’t know what hurts more.”
“I had no choice, Gojyo,” I whispered. “Don’t you know that it was instinct that drove me to do that? That the only thought going through my mind at that time was to protect you at all costs? Stop it now, Gojyo. Don’t force me to regret a choice that I have always, and will always, uphold with a clear conscience.”
My little brother fell silent, and the silence magnified the sadness in the air such that it was thick enough to cut with a knife. Again, seconds dragged into so many minutes. We nursed our drinks in silence, neither wanting to say anything for the fear of opening old wounds. Finally, I stood.
“Coming here was a mistake. I’d be leaving now, Gojyo.”
“…Wait.” He gripped my forearm.
So I waited.
He looked at me straight in the eye. “I….miss you. I wish things…had turned out differently.” He released his grip on me. “I just wanted you to know that.”
I swallowed the sudden onrush of grief. No use breaking down in front of him. No use telling him of all the days and nights that I longed for him. Not just his company, his brashness, his presence, but him. It would only make matters more difficult for both of us.
“And I miss you too, Gojyo.”
He smiled, an open innocent smile that made my heart ache even more. “I’m glad to hear that. Until I see you again, Jien.”
“Yeah, Gojyo.”
I reached out and brushed a lock of his red hair out of his eyes. A tear threatened to spill down his cheek as he sat there, trembling, pained memories of the past shadowed in his haunted eyes.
I suddenly lost appetite for my whiskey.
I turned and left without a backward glance.
Such is our fate: to live in the comfort of each other’s unwavering love, but a love that is separated from devotion.
I know that if ever I choose to protect him once more, I’d have to die another death.
But a person can endure only so many deaths.
~END~
Pairing: Dokugakuji x Gojyo (platonic)
Rating: PG.
Word Count: 1034
Summary: Doku meets his brother Gojyo, now his enemy, at the bar they used to frequent.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki nor its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya.
I never thought I’d see him here again. Fei-san’s bar, the old town, just like the old days. Same place, and apparently the same drinks. That is, if that bottle he’s holding onto is a beer.
My own whiskey in hand, I approach him. I stood a respectable distance behind his bar stool.
“Gojyo.”
He froze. I saw the stiffening in his shoulders and neck. I saw the long fingers tighten around the neck of the bottle. I did not prod him further. I know this is a surprise for him.
Seconds dragged to a minute.
Finally, without turning to face me, he whispered hoarsely: “Why are you here, Dokugakuji?”
It was my turn to keep silent. And he kept silent too.
Likewise, seconds melted to a minute.
Why was I here? Perhaps what my brother really wanted to ask was, “Why did you have to be here when I’m here, Doku?” That much was obvious in his voice.
Why was I here? I have a right to remember my mother’s death, right?
“Not Dokugakuji. Jien,” I chided him softly, still waiting for his invitation to sit down.
“…Jien,” he repeated after another excruciatingly slow minute. He gestured to the empty stool beside him, and I took it gratefully.
After a long stretch of silence, I said, “You remembered her too?”
“No,” he replied. “We just happened to be passing by this town. It’s just coincidental.”
“You lie.”
I observed the sudden tensing of his back, shoulders squaring. His chest began to heave up and down. I warily set my glass on the bar, readying myself in case he did something stupid.
He set his glass on the bar with a heavy thunk! And his head dropped into his waiting hands. He held that position for a long time. I relaxed and waited for him to calm down.
At long last, he turned to face me, tears glistening in the depths of his pained eyes.
“How could I forget, Jien? This is the day our lives were shattered. This is the day I lost everything important in my life.”
I waited for him to continue.
“Why did you have to kill her, Jien?”
“We’ve already been through this before,” I replied, turning away from him.
“But why?” His pleading whisper tugged at my heart. I had no choice but to answer him.
“You still don’t understand until now? I had to protect you from her. She almost killed you.”
“I understand, but I can’t accept it,” he whispered. “By killing her, you killed yourself too. You never should have killed her. That way you’d still be my brother.”
Oh. Now this was something new.
“But…I AM still your brother, Gojyo.”
“No, you’re not Jien anymore. Jien is dead. You’re…Dokugakuji.” He said my new name with a tinge of sadness.
“That doesn’t matter, Gojyo. I still love you as before. And I would never dream of hurting you intentionally.”
“But don’t you realize the tragedy of the situation? You bow down to whatever Kougaiji says. And if he says you have to kill me, you’d be following his order, not your own will. So you WILL hurt me someday, Jien.”
I paid little heed to the bitterness in his voice as he uttered my prince’s name. Instead, I lightly punched him on the shoulder. “Are you afraid of that day, bro?” I teased.
He smiled back. “No. I can easily handle an old geezer like you. But,” he cast his eyes downward, “I want you back, Jien.”
“Gojyo…” I was at a loss for words. A dam of sorrow was threatening to drown me.
“But I know you won’t ever come back. You can never protect me, be there for me.”
I shut my eyes tightly. “Don’t do this, please.”
But he was persistent. “Is this karma? Is a taboo child truly cursed? I lost the only two people I’ve ever loved in my life. And I don’t know what hurts more: the death of ‘kaasan in my name or the continued existence of a brother who has turned into an enemy. Truly, I don’t know what hurts more.”
“I had no choice, Gojyo,” I whispered. “Don’t you know that it was instinct that drove me to do that? That the only thought going through my mind at that time was to protect you at all costs? Stop it now, Gojyo. Don’t force me to regret a choice that I have always, and will always, uphold with a clear conscience.”
My little brother fell silent, and the silence magnified the sadness in the air such that it was thick enough to cut with a knife. Again, seconds dragged into so many minutes. We nursed our drinks in silence, neither wanting to say anything for the fear of opening old wounds. Finally, I stood.
“Coming here was a mistake. I’d be leaving now, Gojyo.”
“…Wait.” He gripped my forearm.
So I waited.
He looked at me straight in the eye. “I….miss you. I wish things…had turned out differently.” He released his grip on me. “I just wanted you to know that.”
I swallowed the sudden onrush of grief. No use breaking down in front of him. No use telling him of all the days and nights that I longed for him. Not just his company, his brashness, his presence, but him. It would only make matters more difficult for both of us.
“And I miss you too, Gojyo.”
He smiled, an open innocent smile that made my heart ache even more. “I’m glad to hear that. Until I see you again, Jien.”
“Yeah, Gojyo.”
I reached out and brushed a lock of his red hair out of his eyes. A tear threatened to spill down his cheek as he sat there, trembling, pained memories of the past shadowed in his haunted eyes.
I suddenly lost appetite for my whiskey.
I turned and left without a backward glance.
Such is our fate: to live in the comfort of each other’s unwavering love, but a love that is separated from devotion.
I know that if ever I choose to protect him once more, I’d have to die another death.
But a person can endure only so many deaths.
~END~