Passing the Torch
After my unfortunate run in with Willow at the Summers' house, I headed back to my own apartment. As I drove back, I kept replaying in my head what I'd said to her, trying to work out where I had gone wrong, where I'd mistepped in my attempts to make her realise how reckless she had been in trying to resurrect Buffy. Eventually I gave up, and
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I suppressed a smile at the tone of Wesley's voice and his inadvertent cursing. I wondered briefly what would make him have such a violent verbal reaction while answering the phone. Still, it was none of my business really, and I put it out of my mind. I needed to concentrate on gaining Wesley's support for what I proposed.
"Mister Giles? A f-favor?"
"Yes, Wesley. I realise this might come as something of an imposition, but I wouldn't ask unless I felt it were exremely important, and quite frankly you were the only one I could think of who would fit the bill."
A little flattery never went astray, but of course it was also the truth. Wesley was really the only person right now who I felt I could turn to regarding the Sunnydale situation.
"I've been called unexpectedly back to England, and unfortunately, things have not settled down in Sunnydale. I was hoping that you might be able to see your way clear to come here for a few months and keep an eye on the Hellmouth. With Buffy gone, demonic activity is beginning to escalate. Faith has apparently made her way here to quell the unrest, heaven knows how she managed that, but according to Angel she intends to take over Buffy's duties."
This next part was going to have to be handled delicately. I reached up and rubbed the bridge of my nose under the frame of my glasses and stifled a yawn.
"She needs someone to guide her. I know there has been bad blood between the two of you in the past, but I feel it would be for the best to have a watcher presence here, should she need it. A restraining influence as it were. Can I count on you?"
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"Oh." I nodded stupidly at the phone, scolding myself when I remembered that he couldn't see that. He'd been called back to England? By whom? The Council no doubt, if he had no Slayer to guide anymore, there would be no need for him in Sunnydale. At least, according to the Council. But his next words froze me on the spot.
Faith.
So she had run off to Sunnydale. "I had read she had escaped," I say stiffly. Odd how my arm always seems to go numb everytime I think about Faith. How I can still smell burning flesh, taste the blood in my mouth...hear the rain falling while Angel comforted her after she gleefully had her fun with me. I can still hear her laughing in my nightmares. And he wanted me to guide her?
I don't really care what Angel says about Faith. He's not exactly...neutral, when it comes to her. And neither am I.
"Mister Giles," I start, trying not put any emotion in my voice. "I am no longer a watcher, as you are well aware off." I know he didn't do it on purpose, but it still hurts. All my life I've been training to become a watcher, only to be ridiculed. Which Mister Giles participated in. "Faith would not listen to a word I say and I'm the least capable of restraining her in any way."
I resist the urge to laugh. I'm thinking maybe I should stay here in Los Angeles. Especially with her in Sunnydale. "I think I'm probably the last person in the world for such a job. As has been made blatantly clear the last time I was in Sunnydale," I add softly. I'm not a fool, I know I messed things up then. Why would he think I'd be the best person for the job?
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I sighed, and took off my glasses, laying them on the arm rest beside me. I had hoped I would not encounter too much resistance from Wesley, but now I was certain that my task would prove more of a challenge than I'd bargained for.
"Wesley, yes I am aware of the fact that you are no longer 'officially' a watcher..." I began, trying not to let the weariness I was feeling creep into my tone.
Faith would not listen to a word I say and I'm the least capable of restraining her in any way. I think I'm probably the last person in the world for such a job. As has been made blatantly clear the last time I was in Sunnydale."
"Listen to me. I am not speaking of you taking on a role sanctioned by the council. If you have not realised by now that being a watcher is a calling, a vocation and not a 'job' then perhaps I *am* talking to the wrong person. But I somehow doubt that. I still regard you as a watcher, in spirit, if not in name.
If you were indeed sincere about wanting to make a difference, to work for the greater good, and to help fight to keep the darkness at bay, then here's your chance to right the misteps of your former watcher days. We all make mistakes Wesley, and I trust that you have learned from yours as much as I hope I have learnt from mine. I am sorry for whatever slights I have caused to you over the years, but please do not let that be an impediment to what is being asked of you now.
If you feel you cannot rise to the challenge then so be it. But I do not have time for your self-recriminations, you are better than this, rise above it, man! See the bigger picture. Sunnydale needs you, and I believe that Faith needs you too, as crazy as that sounds."
I waited for his answer, leaning back into my chair and praying silently that he would have the sense to see that I was right. I was offering him a second chance. To redeem the perceived failures of his past. I knew he had it in him to step up to the mark, but he had to be willing to take that step.
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And very condescending. What am I? Five?
"Considering all that I've been doing the last few years, the fact that I nearly died several times. One time by Faith's hands I feel the need to point out. I find it rather insulting that you doubt my sincerity to fight the good fight. I may not longer be a watcher, Mister Giles, I may have been an utter pratt, I may not be the worlds best fighter, but I am still upholding the oath I have sworn when I officially became a Watcher. Just because I've been fired, does not mean I've forgotten everything I've learned."
I feel as though I'm getting a lecture from my father. Especially when he starts to raise his voice. "You needn't point out to me what being a watcher supposedly entails. I've been taught that since birth." There was no escaping that destiny, not matter how hard I tried. It was everything to me. Becoming a watcher to the active Slayer, make my father proud. And all I did was disappoint him. Though, I don't think I've ever been able to make him proud, not matter what I did. I'm fighting between slumping down, flinching and keep on standing so straight my spine might snap. And Giles not even going to see any of it.
"Self-recriminations?" I blink at the phone and the make an annoyed sound. "Mister Giles, it is not a matter of not wanting to or failing to see the bigger picture. I merely pointed out that no-one bar perhaps Angel and the others will listen to me. Least of all Faith. The best I can hope for is to be laughed at." Well, I was used to that anyway when it came to Sunnydale. "I'm not a fool, Mister Giles. What makes you think Faith would need me of all people? What makes you think any of your children would even listen to me?"
It was not a matter of not wanting to. If I thought it had any use, I'd be in Sunnydale in a heartbeat. But what were the odds that Xander and the others would actually listen to me? When the last time all we met all they could do was laugh and be sarcastic. The only one I can perhaps reasonably get along with is, oddly enough, Willow. "And there's no need to raise your voice," I add quietly.
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I heard the coldness in his tone, and bit back a retort of my own. This was not going well, and on top of my earlier argument with Willow, I did not need Wesley to be stonewalling me.
"Considering all that I've been doing the last few years, the fact that I nearly died several times. One time by Faith's hands I feel the need to point out. I find it rather insulting that you doubt my sincerity to fight the good fight. I may not longer be a watcher, Mister Giles, I may have been an utter pratt, I may not be the worlds best fighter, but I am still upholding the oath I have sworn when I officially became a Watcher. Just because I've been fired, does not mean I've forgotten everything I've learned."
"Good. You've just proved my point exactly. Whether you have the title or not, you are essentially still performing the duties of a watcher and you ARE part of a larger cause. If you are insulted by my words then perhaps I got the reaction out of you that I was seeking." I could hear the sternness in my own voice coming through, the irritation at Wesley's indignation, but did not know how to temper it.
"You needn't point out to me what being a watcher supposedly entails. I've been taught that since birth."
I sighed heavily, and stood up, taking the phone with me to the side table where I poured myself two fingers of scotch whiskey, neat.
"Self-recriminations. Mister Giles, it is not a matter of not wanting to or failing to see the bigger picture. I merely pointed out that no-one bar perhaps Angel and the others will listen to me. Least of all Faith. The best I can hope for is to be laughed at. I'm not a fool, Mister Giles. What makes you think Faith would need me of all people? What makes you think any of your children would even listen to me?"
"So, the possibility that it might take some hard work, that people might not take you seriously at first is daunting enough for you to give up before you've even begun? Is that all that stands in your way? Pride?" I wanted to say more but felt that perhaps I'd already overstepped the mark. Wesley was obviously not going to oblige me, and I felt as though I had strained our friendship too far already. I wished I could reached across the miles separating us and shake some sense into him.
"And there's no need to raise your voice."
I took a couple of swallows of the whiskey, and then placed the tumbler down on the table carefully. Had I been yelling at Wesley? I hadn't even realised it, so caught was I in getting across my point of view. I rubbed tiredly at my eyes, and sat back down on the sofa.
"Wesley, I apologise. I've had no sleep in the past 48 hours and just spent the last evening digging up my slayers grave. I afraid I am not at my best. You've made some valid points, and I acknowledge that. Perhaps I am being unreasonable in hoping that you would take over as guardian here in Sunnydale. But the simple fact of the matter is I called you because there is no one else. No one else I trust to protect those I care about. If you will not come, then I will have to respect your decision, even if I don't agree with it."
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I growled at his next words and I really wished I had some whiskey here. Or something else strong. But no suck luck at the office, apparently. Where was that bottle I had hidden in the desk drawer? Picking up the phone I started to make my way over to my desk, barely reaching it. "Well, I see your opinion of me has not really changed." Pride. Huh, as if I had any left there.
Ah! Whiskey. Finally thank god. But no glass. I glanced at the phone when I heard Giles swallow something. Perhaps he's drinking as well. It's highly possible. Oh, teacup. There's no one else around anyway, I'll use that. Pouring a few fingers in it, I take a few sips while I listen to Giles talk.
He dug up Buffy? Why on earth would he dig up Buffy. I'm sure I don't really want to know. "I'm not going to ask why you felt the need to torment yourself by digging up your Slayer. I'm sure you had a good reason." Did he think she was turned? wouldn't they have know that sooner? Sighing, I leaned back against the counter and took a few more sips while I hung my head. He's not going to give up is he.
Guardian, talk about your heavy loaded word. Was Giles a guardian there? Yes, he was. Over those children, he's probably worried about them. Even though they're all quite adult. Ah, the fact that he needed someone to protect them would indicate that he was very worried about those children. Err...well, I suppose we'll always see them as children, even though they're not.
"Mister Giles," I sigh, rubbing my tired eyes. Wasn't Gunn supposed to be back by now? Getting a bit worried. "I still don't think I'm your best choice, or even your only one." I think Angel for example would be better at protecting them. But he's already there. "But you...they probably need someone to help out with the identification of the various demons, do research and such. Maybe do some magical...oh wait no, you've Willow for that. Anyway, I can do that sort of work."
Quickly gulping down the last of the whiskey I pour two more fingers in the cup. "And just so we make it clear. I still think they'll laugh at me, I still think they won't listen to me, and least of all Faith. But I'm doing this as a favor for you." And no one else. The rest of Angel Investigations is there already. "It would appear most of my books are packed anyway," I add dryly.
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That was where Wesley was wrong, would I have contacted him and asked him to undertake this monumental task if it had not in fact changed? I refrained from replying to him though, for I suspected that telling him as much would still be construed in a negative light.
"Mister Giles. I still don't think I'm your best choice, or even your only one. But you...they probably need someone to help out with the identification of the various demons, do research and such. Maybe do some magical...oh wait no, you've Willow for that. Anyway, I can do that sort of work."
I breathed an audible sigh of relief, and some of the tension in my body began to drain away to be replaced with a weariness I had been trying to ignore.
"And just so we make it clear. I still think they'll laugh at me, I still think they won't listen to me, and least of all Faith. But I'm doing this as a favor for you. It would appear most of my books are packed anyway."
"Thank you, Wesley. This means a great deal to me, they mean a great deal to me. You know, it is possible that they may just surprise you. And you might even surprise yourself."
I leaned back into the sofa, and reached for the tumbler again, finally allowing myself to relax a little.
"I suppose I had better apprize you of the situation. Activity around the hellmouth has been getting worse these past few weeks. And last night I was attacked by a demon who was hired to kill the 'friends of the dead slayer'.It would seem that despite our best efforts with the robot replica of Buffy, the word has gotten out that Buffy is indeed dead. What irks me is the fact that the demon was hired by a law firm, I believe you have heard of them? Wolfram and Hart. Angel filled me in a little about your dealings with them, sounds positively dreadful."
I poured myself another glass, and sipped at it slowly, wondering if I should have prepared a supper. When was the last time I had eaten?
"The reason I exhumed Buffy was because Angel and I discovered someone had tried to resurrect her using dark magic. I have since found out it was Willow. I've tried to talk some sense into her, but I'm afraid she's letting her burgeoning powers go to her head. She'll need a firm hand. Apparently Dawn has run off somewhere, but the others are fairly certain she hasn't gone far and just needs a time out. That's about it really. How soon do you think you can make it here? I still need to let the other's know you that you are expected..."
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I am, however, slightly surprised that Mister Giles and Angel managed to get along so well. Considering their history. Then again, they may have been gratingly polite to each other, I can see them do that easily. I'm not sure I can do that with Faith. Of course that's different. She didn't have an evil alter ego when she tied me to that chair and amused herself trying out all the five basic groups of torture on me. Was she even aware Giles was asking me to be her...what...not he watcher, that's for certain. I'm to afraid to ask really. Let's face it, I'm afraid of Faith, and I'll be damned if I'm going to show that to anyone. Including Mister Giles.
I opened my mouth to ask about this robot replica of Buffy, but decided against it for now. It really wasn't important. What did seem very important was the fact that Willow had tried to resurrect Buffy. Quite disturbing that. And he expected me to be that firm hand? That was another thing to laugh about. Then again, this was Willow, she was just about the only one who was civil to me in a way. Until I almost sacrificed her to that mayor. Damn.
"Well, I need some more things to pack. Talk to Gunn...that's an associate of ours...about taking over here for a while." Which I already had of course. About twelve times, he must be getting sick of that. "...pack some more books," liar, they're all packed. You're stalling, Pryce. "..."I'd say a day, two at the most?" Which wasn't long enough for me at all. "And then I'd need to look for a hotelroom, a place to put all my books...uh, oh. Angel mentioned he was staying at the mansion, I suppose that might work..." I trailed off.
Glancing at the whiskey in my glass, I quickly downed it and then glanced at the door. I think I heard a noise, I hope that's Gunn. I'm getting a bit worried by now. I let out a relieved sigh when it was indeed Gunn who strode into room, looking battered, bruised and bloodied, but very triumphant. "Mister Giles? I've to go now, Gunn just arrived and he looked a bit worse for wear. I'd better to make certain it's nothing more then scrapes and bruises. I'll see you probably in a day or two. And please do tell your children about what you've asked me hm? I really would hate to have a repeat performance of the first time I came to Sunnydale." Me, a guardian. If Gunn wasn't standing there dripping blood on the floor, I'd laugh.
"Thank you for informing me and I'm honored that you asked me. I still think I'm not the right person but we've been over that. Goodbye, Mister Giles." I waited for his muttered reply, the man sounded godaweful tired. He should go get some bloody sleep. Putting the phone down, I turned toward Gunn and sighed.
Right, I've a job to do here as well.
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