stasis
I just watched a pretty amazing film, Into the Wild. Interestingly, my brothers had rented it a few days ago, and then I watched it tonight. My siblings, despite how fucking irritating they can be, have been surprisingly me lately with moments of mature insight, like knowing good music and good film. I don't really care to do any review of the movie. It was just good, and we'll leave it at that.
I drank two beers while watching the movie, by myself. My tolerance has gotten pretty low since leaving Memphis, so I knew that two beers in two hours would get me buzzed, and that's precisely why I drank two. I feel like I'm falling into some sort of horrible stasis of near-self-loathing, but it's like I don't care enough to actually self-loathe.
A girl I know from my high school years through choir and theater, who was a year younger than I, died this past week. She had this inexplicable freak cave-diving accident and was in a coma for 16 days in Florida before finally going brain-dead and her family made the call to turn off life-support on Tuesday. I can't think of a more horrendous way to go, except maybe starvation. I only found out about the whole ordeal through an email (of all things) from the head of the high school. The memorial is at the church my family goes to (about twice a year) on Wednesday. I'll be there.
I also miss Joey, but I suppose that goes without saying. He visited last week when my family went to Hunt. It was the most outdoors I think he's ever experienced. I have to admit it was frustrating for the first few days because when I'm in Hunt I want to be out on the river--swimming, rope-swinging, canoing, kayaking, etc--almost constantly (unless soccer is on TV), and he was afraid of the canoe tipping over. I felt bad for dragging him through all of that and had lots of second thoughts on bringing him. But one night we made homemade ravioli for my entire family and I forgot all those thoughts.
We left Hunt two days early, drove to Houston to visit Jess on Friday, had an interesting trip, came back to Austin on Saturday and Joey saw his old frat brother Brent who was in town for the wedding of another brother and fellow Austinite Wes, a guy whom I met long before we were at Rhodes together through my friend Margot's long-ago boyfriend Karl. The end of this very very old entry recalls our reunion of my freshman year. So Brent invited me and Joey to his day-after-the-wedding drinks downtown. Brent ended up being about two hours late, so there me and Joey were there drinking and chatting with basically the closest friends of the bride and groom, only vaguely knowing the groom from our first year of college. But they were incredibly welcoming and not at all awkward about our being there. Stories were shared, some of the people who were spoken of I knew (like Karl), and when Joey and I finally decided to leave at 11 pm because of his early flight the next day (still before Brent showed up), Wes's new wife Meredith made a point to catch us before we left, tell us how thrilled she was to meet us, and invited me to join her and Wes and their friends for their bi-weekly Sunday brunch. We'll see how that pans out.
For now, I am at home with six other people, but also completely alone in so many ways.
Must have sleep now to get up and take my mom and sisters to the airport for their trip to lacrosse camp.
I drank two beers while watching the movie, by myself. My tolerance has gotten pretty low since leaving Memphis, so I knew that two beers in two hours would get me buzzed, and that's precisely why I drank two. I feel like I'm falling into some sort of horrible stasis of near-self-loathing, but it's like I don't care enough to actually self-loathe.
A girl I know from my high school years through choir and theater, who was a year younger than I, died this past week. She had this inexplicable freak cave-diving accident and was in a coma for 16 days in Florida before finally going brain-dead and her family made the call to turn off life-support on Tuesday. I can't think of a more horrendous way to go, except maybe starvation. I only found out about the whole ordeal through an email (of all things) from the head of the high school. The memorial is at the church my family goes to (about twice a year) on Wednesday. I'll be there.
I also miss Joey, but I suppose that goes without saying. He visited last week when my family went to Hunt. It was the most outdoors I think he's ever experienced. I have to admit it was frustrating for the first few days because when I'm in Hunt I want to be out on the river--swimming, rope-swinging, canoing, kayaking, etc--almost constantly (unless soccer is on TV), and he was afraid of the canoe tipping over. I felt bad for dragging him through all of that and had lots of second thoughts on bringing him. But one night we made homemade ravioli for my entire family and I forgot all those thoughts.
We left Hunt two days early, drove to Houston to visit Jess on Friday, had an interesting trip, came back to Austin on Saturday and Joey saw his old frat brother Brent who was in town for the wedding of another brother and fellow Austinite Wes, a guy whom I met long before we were at Rhodes together through my friend Margot's long-ago boyfriend Karl. The end of this very very old entry recalls our reunion of my freshman year. So Brent invited me and Joey to his day-after-the-wedding drinks downtown. Brent ended up being about two hours late, so there me and Joey were there drinking and chatting with basically the closest friends of the bride and groom, only vaguely knowing the groom from our first year of college. But they were incredibly welcoming and not at all awkward about our being there. Stories were shared, some of the people who were spoken of I knew (like Karl), and when Joey and I finally decided to leave at 11 pm because of his early flight the next day (still before Brent showed up), Wes's new wife Meredith made a point to catch us before we left, tell us how thrilled she was to meet us, and invited me to join her and Wes and their friends for their bi-weekly Sunday brunch. We'll see how that pans out.
For now, I am at home with six other people, but also completely alone in so many ways.
Must have sleep now to get up and take my mom and sisters to the airport for their trip to lacrosse camp.