Parenting Post

[tabloidscully]

H's first week at preschool has gone really well. The last two days, he's been so pleasant, it's like a completely different child from the past two months. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's going to continue because I really, really need the preschool situation to work. If it doesn't, I have no idea what we'll do with him.

Comments

[tabloidscully]

I tend to be more pro-therapy than most people. B doesn't think it would do her a lick of good, but then again, I think B could use some therapy and he doesn't think it would do him any good, either.

Selfishly, I want her to really take accountability for her decisions and why we're all in this situation. I'm tired of being on the receiving end of other people's false information. I'm not excusing our culture which slut shames so that even if I had been "the whore" that ended their relationship, I shouldn't have to deal with the stigma, but our culture is what it is and I'm nevertheless having to atone for sociocultural sins I never actually committed.

Like when I initially started getting more involved in the daycare/preschool. At first, the daycare teachers were pretty frosty to me. But eventually, they began to see that I was the one going to conferences, pushing for communication, and holding H to task. When we had a conference that P canceled on at the last minute, the daycare director confessed that she had initially thought I was the problem, through many conversations she had had with P on the subject, but that she had come to realize I was the most involved parent he had.

It also came out that P had told them her very abridged, very inaccurate version of how their relationship ended, painting me as "the other woman". I simply stated that we both knew that wasn't the truth of what went down, and declined to discuss it further. Because I don't believe in slut/other woman shaming, I've never revealed to the daycare staff or the family therapist that the reality is that she was the other woman. She made a terrible, terrible mistake she's never actually taken responsibility for, but it isn't my story and it would be inappropriate to share that with people who we have to see in a professional context, I think.

[northernwalker]

I can kind of see his point in that therapy only works if the patient is willing to be honest and I think she'd just be using it to enhance her "victim" status in her own mind. I'd like to be wrong, though.

She made a terrible, terrible mistake she's never actually taken responsibility for, but it isn't my story and it would be inappropriate to share that with people who we have to see in a professional context, I think.

I totally agree- that is NOT something the teachers need or want to know about. She shouldn't be saying anything either- but the likelyhood of her keeping it zipped sounds pretty low.

[tabloidscully]

You're right. If someone isn't receptive to therapy, barring some pretty extreme circumstances, it probably isn't going to be beneficial to them. I think the fact she is actively acknowledging she needs it, however, is a good sign. I hope.

What's funny is, when she talks about their fling during our relationship, it's always about how humiliating that experience was for her. Maybe I'm not being nearly understanding enough, but given that I was the partner who was cheated on...I'm not really sure what was so humiliating about it for her. Maybe that he didn't ultimately take her back? I don't know.

In any case, though it kind of goes without saying that she shouldn't be trashing me to professionals we both have to interact with for the sake of our shared child, I really can't wrap my mind around why she felt the need to lie to them in the first place. People aren't great at maintaining confidences and keeping secrets, so she had to know she was running the risk of me finding out.

Still, even if her version of events were TOTALLY accurate, there is no defensible reason for telling these folks. Our history isn't any of their business, you know? It's like, sure, I post about it on my journal, but her identity is protected--I've not said her name, and so there's no risk of compromising her privacy. Not the same courtesy she extended to me, obviously.