It's honestly very difficult, but it's been something of a growing process. When we first met each other for the second time (the first being when B and I had just started dating) it was after H had already been born, and I could not handle being in the same room as her without experiencing a host of physical symptoms. It took all of the composure I had not to tell her exactly what I thought of her--and I'm not particularly renown for keeping my opinions to myself.
So, trust me when I say it hasn't always been this easy, and I wasn't always as composed as I am now. Even when she pisses me off the most, I never tip my hand to let her know, whereas before, she always knew the effect that she had on me because I would literally have to leave the room. That says more than words ever could, I think.
Plus, I have to admit, when I feel myself start to get carried away, I have to force myself to remember that she is H's mother. Right or wrong, she will always come first in his life--and do I want to risk the relationship I have with him long-term just to air a few minutes of grievances (however legitimate)? The answer is always no, so it keeps things from getting too out of control, I guess.
There are exceptions, of course. Being H's mom will only grant her so much ground--it means I will give her more breathing room than I would anyone else who had done the terrible things she had done to me, but that doesn't mean I have to kowtow to her or that I am her doormat. And letting her know that, in a way that isn't threatening, keeps me from feeling like she calls the shots.
So, trust me when I say it hasn't always been this easy, and I wasn't always as composed as I am now. Even when she pisses me off the most, I never tip my hand to let her know, whereas before, she always knew the effect that she had on me because I would literally have to leave the room. That says more than words ever could, I think.
Plus, I have to admit, when I feel myself start to get carried away, I have to force myself to remember that she is H's mother. Right or wrong, she will always come first in his life--and do I want to risk the relationship I have with him long-term just to air a few minutes of grievances (however legitimate)? The answer is always no, so it keeps things from getting too out of control, I guess.
There are exceptions, of course. Being H's mom will only grant her so much ground--it means I will give her more breathing room than I would anyone else who had done the terrible things she had done to me, but that doesn't mean I have to kowtow to her or that I am her doormat. And letting her know that, in a way that isn't threatening, keeps me from feeling like she calls the shots.
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