Vent Post: Stepping Back
I'm seriously thinking it's time to step back.
H's behavior is atrocious. And although B has greatly improved with disciplining and such, nobody else is following through. I constantly feel undermined, even though the professionals keep telling both B and P that my instincts are right, I have my head on straight, and H would truly benefit from everyone modeling my approaches. I'm not a saint, I'm sure as hell not perfect, but folks who know what they're talking about have spent a lot of energy trying to tell everyone involved that I might have an idea of what I'm talking about.
I'm just feeling really depressed. H has always been such a sweet child, I don't recognize the terror he's become. I feel like no matter what I do, the good work is bound to be undone by the people who are determined to enable him to his own detriment. Namely, P. What's the point of being a hard ass with boundaries, discipline, and consistency, if she's going to interject whatever flight of fancy suits her interest at the time?
I can't keep her from dating loser after loser, and uprooting H every time she decides she needs a man in her life. I can't force her to pull her head out of her ass and actually be a decent parent so that I don't have to pick up the pieces every time she lets him down. And I can't make her see that sometimes H's best interest has absolutely nothing to do with her.
I feel like I'm in a losing battle. I want to pull back because I don't think I'm helping. I can't believe that B and I are married, we have another child, and I still feel like our lives are being held hostage by her. Maybe it's her admission that she is still(!) pinning for B, or maybe it's noticing that H has been so quick to anger me with his outbursts. I don't know.
I am very unsure of my place with H. I desperately want to step back, because I don't think I'm helping. But I am all too aware of all the things both P and B would fall down on if I do that--things that I started to do because they weren't getting done. I mean, I tend to be a details kind of woman anyway, but remembering the $5 check for the pumpkin patch isn't really my strong suit; I forced myself to make it happen because otherwise nobody would remember and H would be the only kid at the daycare without a pumpkin. If it were up to B and P, H would exist on lunches of Lunchables and all kinds of junk food.
No, seriously. A few weeks ago, this is what she (or rather, her boyfriend) sent with him:
That's not even close to a lunch. And who will make sure his bedding gets washed?
You would think with P basically confessing to me that she still wants my husband back, I would be resolving to stay involved simply out of spite. But I'm not there, maybe because I'm feeling so drained from all of the drama over the daycare/preschool situation. And, admittedly, her confession, too. What is it going to take for this chick to move on? And why is it only periodically that she decides she's fallen back in love with him or never really moved on in the first place?
I'm back to wishing she was just out of our lives for good.
H's behavior is atrocious. And although B has greatly improved with disciplining and such, nobody else is following through. I constantly feel undermined, even though the professionals keep telling both B and P that my instincts are right, I have my head on straight, and H would truly benefit from everyone modeling my approaches. I'm not a saint, I'm sure as hell not perfect, but folks who know what they're talking about have spent a lot of energy trying to tell everyone involved that I might have an idea of what I'm talking about.
I'm just feeling really depressed. H has always been such a sweet child, I don't recognize the terror he's become. I feel like no matter what I do, the good work is bound to be undone by the people who are determined to enable him to his own detriment. Namely, P. What's the point of being a hard ass with boundaries, discipline, and consistency, if she's going to interject whatever flight of fancy suits her interest at the time?
I can't keep her from dating loser after loser, and uprooting H every time she decides she needs a man in her life. I can't force her to pull her head out of her ass and actually be a decent parent so that I don't have to pick up the pieces every time she lets him down. And I can't make her see that sometimes H's best interest has absolutely nothing to do with her.
I feel like I'm in a losing battle. I want to pull back because I don't think I'm helping. I can't believe that B and I are married, we have another child, and I still feel like our lives are being held hostage by her. Maybe it's her admission that she is still(!) pinning for B, or maybe it's noticing that H has been so quick to anger me with his outbursts. I don't know.
I am very unsure of my place with H. I desperately want to step back, because I don't think I'm helping. But I am all too aware of all the things both P and B would fall down on if I do that--things that I started to do because they weren't getting done. I mean, I tend to be a details kind of woman anyway, but remembering the $5 check for the pumpkin patch isn't really my strong suit; I forced myself to make it happen because otherwise nobody would remember and H would be the only kid at the daycare without a pumpkin. If it were up to B and P, H would exist on lunches of Lunchables and all kinds of junk food.
No, seriously. A few weeks ago, this is what she (or rather, her boyfriend) sent with him:
That's not even close to a lunch. And who will make sure his bedding gets washed?
You would think with P basically confessing to me that she still wants my husband back, I would be resolving to stay involved simply out of spite. But I'm not there, maybe because I'm feeling so drained from all of the drama over the daycare/preschool situation. And, admittedly, her confession, too. What is it going to take for this chick to move on? And why is it only periodically that she decides she's fallen back in love with him or never really moved on in the first place?
I'm back to wishing she was just out of our lives for good.