"And I've always defended P for choosing to carry through with her pregnancy with H, despite the grief and the hardship that came with it for me personally, because that's the price I pay for being a pro-woman advocate for choice."
One, I love you for feeling this way or at least trying to feel this way. It's one thing to SAY you believe in this manner. But very few women have to go through the situation that you have gone through and have to actually LIVE this scenario.
Two, I understand why you feel the way you do and like you said, it's one of those things that has to depend between partners. I think for us, it's the fact that Sean is so VERY Christian that I know it would eat him up for the rest of his life. Even though he absolutely DOES NOT want me to be pregnant right now and he might be persuaded later on, how might it affect him later? I don't know if I can do that to him?
And you're right. The side effects, the surgery, hell...even when it comes to chauvinistic doctors...a vasectomy IS the logical choice. But I want to KNOW that it's me. Plus, there are no other birth control options available for me and I can't use regular condoms. I want to KNOW that it's never a risk. Ever again.
I was going to get fixed after Ivan, but it turns out that in the state of NC, you have to request a litigation 60 days before the due date. NC, in the past, practiced eugenics pretty heavily and because of that, they have a fail safe in place to make sure that NO ONE is coerced against their will again.
Though, I'm not going to lie, if my insurance doesn't cover it...after this is all over....Sean's probably going to get the snip.
"One, I love you for feeling this way or at least trying to feel this way. It's one thing to SAY you believe in this manner. But very few women have to go through the situation that you have gone through and have to actually LIVE this scenario."
Thank you. Ideologically, it's easy to defend her choice. Her body, her choice. Emotionally, it's been a totally different ballgame, obviously, especially in the early times when I was financially assisting in the support of the kid, yet not even allowed to have him on my own.
Just recently, I argued with B's best friend that P did, in fact, not "owe B an abortion." He said that since P had always insisted that she would have one if she got pregnant, it was a verbal contract she should honor. I obviously disagreed. Reproductive rights are not estate deals and should not be treated as such. Nobody knows how pregnancy will effect them until they're right in the middle of it.
In any case, there are still moments where I have to put my ideology in front of my emotions, or I will go nuts with resentment and bitterness. Just the other day, we had a meeting at the daycare where P whined about how unfair it was that she doesn't get to spend time with him, because she has to work so much to support both of them. The way she phrased it suggested it was mine and B's fault--she quickly had to be reigned in by B, who reminded her that this was the sacrifice she decided to make when she plowed on with the pregnancy after leaving him. He was compassionate, but firm.
In any case, thank you for understanding this isn't an attack on Sean. Something in your post triggered me to my 20-year-old self, watching my friend struggle through a pregnancy she didn't want, and discussing the situation with a few people in my life. A person I love very dearly, upon hearing that the husband was not allowing an abortion, said admiringly, "Good for him."
Lacking the ability of Feminist reason that I now have, I couldn't articulate why that sentiment bothered me. Maybe the idea that reproduction is ultimately on the whim of the father or husband, that the woman's body is just a piece of property?
Abortion is a very difficult issue. It's one that can take such a substantial toll on relationships, even with both partners being on the same page as for it or against it. I'm not suggesting it shouldn't be such a politicized issue, and I respect you for including your partner's perspective in the situation. I just wish you didn't feel like you couldn't make a choice that might be right for you because you could lose your relationship out of it.
I also didn't mean to suggest that Sean owed you a vasectomy. I totally understand your desire to have a tubal ligation. I only meant to comment on why we decided that was the best option for us on this side of the fence.
At the end of the day, I really wish there was some certainty that's lacking for you right now. You're one of the most intelligent people I know, and you have an amazing ability to operate with common sense in really confusing situations. Not that you aren't acting so now, just that you seem so completely without options, and it's so unfair.
One, I love you for feeling this way or at least trying to feel this way. It's one thing to SAY you believe in this manner. But very few women have to go through the situation that you have gone through and have to actually LIVE this scenario.
Two, I understand why you feel the way you do and like you said, it's one of those things that has to depend between partners. I think for us, it's the fact that Sean is so VERY Christian that I know it would eat him up for the rest of his life. Even though he absolutely DOES NOT want me to be pregnant right now and he might be persuaded later on, how might it affect him later? I don't know if I can do that to him?
And you're right. The side effects, the surgery, hell...even when it comes to chauvinistic doctors...a vasectomy IS the logical choice. But I want to KNOW that it's me. Plus, there are no other birth control options available for me and I can't use regular condoms. I want to KNOW that it's never a risk. Ever again.
I was going to get fixed after Ivan, but it turns out that in the state of NC, you have to request a litigation 60 days before the due date. NC, in the past, practiced eugenics pretty heavily and because of that, they have a fail safe in place to make sure that NO ONE is coerced against their will again.
Though, I'm not going to lie, if my insurance doesn't cover it...after this is all over....Sean's probably going to get the snip.
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Thank you. Ideologically, it's easy to defend her choice. Her body, her choice. Emotionally, it's been a totally different ballgame, obviously, especially in the early times when I was financially assisting in the support of the kid, yet not even allowed to have him on my own.
Just recently, I argued with B's best friend that P did, in fact, not "owe B an abortion." He said that since P had always insisted that she would have one if she got pregnant, it was a verbal contract she should honor. I obviously disagreed. Reproductive rights are not estate deals and should not be treated as such. Nobody knows how pregnancy will effect them until they're right in the middle of it.
In any case, there are still moments where I have to put my ideology in front of my emotions, or I will go nuts with resentment and bitterness. Just the other day, we had a meeting at the daycare where P whined about how unfair it was that she doesn't get to spend time with him, because she has to work so much to support both of them. The way she phrased it suggested it was mine and B's fault--she quickly had to be reigned in by B, who reminded her that this was the sacrifice she decided to make when she plowed on with the pregnancy after leaving him. He was compassionate, but firm.
In any case, thank you for understanding this isn't an attack on Sean. Something in your post triggered me to my 20-year-old self, watching my friend struggle through a pregnancy she didn't want, and discussing the situation with a few people in my life. A person I love very dearly, upon hearing that the husband was not allowing an abortion, said admiringly, "Good for him."
Lacking the ability of Feminist reason that I now have, I couldn't articulate why that sentiment bothered me. Maybe the idea that reproduction is ultimately on the whim of the father or husband, that the woman's body is just a piece of property?
Abortion is a very difficult issue. It's one that can take such a substantial toll on relationships, even with both partners being on the same page as for it or against it. I'm not suggesting it shouldn't be such a politicized issue, and I respect you for including your partner's perspective in the situation. I just wish you didn't feel like you couldn't make a choice that might be right for you because you could lose your relationship out of it.
I also didn't mean to suggest that Sean owed you a vasectomy. I totally understand your desire to have a tubal ligation. I only meant to comment on why we decided that was the best option for us on this side of the fence.
At the end of the day, I really wish there was some certainty that's lacking for you right now. You're one of the most intelligent people I know, and you have an amazing ability to operate with common sense in really confusing situations. Not that you aren't acting so now, just that you seem so completely without options, and it's so unfair.
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