Pareting: Choices for Sephie
This latest round of nonsense with the in-laws has kick started my brain into planning mode. Planning for all the "What Ifs" that could happen in my life.
The biggest is, "What if something happens to me, where will Sephie go?"
The implied presumption, I'm sure, is that she would go to my in-laws. My bumbling, incompetent, sees-no-problem-having-children-around-a-meth-user in-laws. Absolutely not.
Of course, she has godparents; Caroline, and Scott. But I don't think either of them are in places in their lives to take on a child right now. I have no doubts of their ability down the line, but I couldn't possibly make that kind of decision for a future several years down the road.
For a long time, I thought I'd want her to go to my father. But Dad is getting old and isn't ready to make some of the necessary life choices to be in better health. I won't even get into the fact my stepmother and I usually don't get along. My most recent trip to Kansas, she was the only one I'd let babysit Sephie, but I also decided when I was leaving that they would not be the right people to care for Sephie if I were gone.
The next logical assumption would be my brothers, or any of B's siblings. Plainly put, I know DJ and Lindsay would not take her. Ryan and Katie would, but I question the values presented in their household.
B's siblings--I think it's pretty plain that the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree on that one.
The two best mothers on the planet are my father's older sister, Patti, and her daughter-in-law, Aimee. It comes so naturally to them. While I think Aunt Patti is too old, and finally enjoying a new experience with her boyfriend and traveling the world, Aimee isn't. She's married to my favorite cousin, Michael, and they have two small children of their own.
We've never really been "close," per se; they've always been available to me, but I've been pretty absorbed in my own life since Aimee came into the picture when I was 17. She's given me spiritual guidance and patient words of wisdom at some pretty important times in my life. I adore both of them, and wish I could tackle parenting and life the way she does.
After three days of tossing and turning, I decided last night that that is what feels right. With them, I would never have to worry about Sephie being unloved. I would never worry about her spiritual development or emotional growth. She would be in a house where it flows freely, and even better, probably see Aunt Patti way more than she does now (as in, never).
Of course, they could always say no. They recently moved to Alaska, and I have no idea what their financial situation is. I was disappointed to hear they weren't planning on having more children, but I don't know all of the details involved with that, either. It very well could be financial, and they may have to gently tell me that adding another mouth to their family at any point in time isn't really an option. It could also be too much work to add another child to the family when it isn't "yours", something people warned me about when I tumbled feet first into being a stepparent.
I'm not even clear on how you go about making those plans. I'm sure it has to be inked into some kind of legal document. My biggest fear is that something will happen to me and my in-laws will get Sephie. They love her, but look at the kind of job they've done in the parenting arena. Five kids, only one of whom is even remotely employable, mature, responsible, and grounded enough to be in a relationship, and that happens to be the one I married. I won't do line by line character assassinations, but it has to be telling when even the father shakes his head and talks about a "One in five success rate." For the record, sir, I agree with you.
My only fear is that B will resist me on this, or see it as a backdoor entrance to insult his parents in light of the recent arguments. While I'll acknowledge that's what got me started on this thought process, I've been clear from the beginning that I never wanted Sephie left to them, if something were to happen to us.
I wonder how other parents come to those conclusions and arrangements.
The biggest is, "What if something happens to me, where will Sephie go?"
The implied presumption, I'm sure, is that she would go to my in-laws. My bumbling, incompetent, sees-no-problem-having-children-around-a-meth-user in-laws. Absolutely not.
Of course, she has godparents; Caroline, and Scott. But I don't think either of them are in places in their lives to take on a child right now. I have no doubts of their ability down the line, but I couldn't possibly make that kind of decision for a future several years down the road.
For a long time, I thought I'd want her to go to my father. But Dad is getting old and isn't ready to make some of the necessary life choices to be in better health. I won't even get into the fact my stepmother and I usually don't get along. My most recent trip to Kansas, she was the only one I'd let babysit Sephie, but I also decided when I was leaving that they would not be the right people to care for Sephie if I were gone.
The next logical assumption would be my brothers, or any of B's siblings. Plainly put, I know DJ and Lindsay would not take her. Ryan and Katie would, but I question the values presented in their household.
B's siblings--I think it's pretty plain that the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree on that one.
The two best mothers on the planet are my father's older sister, Patti, and her daughter-in-law, Aimee. It comes so naturally to them. While I think Aunt Patti is too old, and finally enjoying a new experience with her boyfriend and traveling the world, Aimee isn't. She's married to my favorite cousin, Michael, and they have two small children of their own.
We've never really been "close," per se; they've always been available to me, but I've been pretty absorbed in my own life since Aimee came into the picture when I was 17. She's given me spiritual guidance and patient words of wisdom at some pretty important times in my life. I adore both of them, and wish I could tackle parenting and life the way she does.
After three days of tossing and turning, I decided last night that that is what feels right. With them, I would never have to worry about Sephie being unloved. I would never worry about her spiritual development or emotional growth. She would be in a house where it flows freely, and even better, probably see Aunt Patti way more than she does now (as in, never).
Of course, they could always say no. They recently moved to Alaska, and I have no idea what their financial situation is. I was disappointed to hear they weren't planning on having more children, but I don't know all of the details involved with that, either. It very well could be financial, and they may have to gently tell me that adding another mouth to their family at any point in time isn't really an option. It could also be too much work to add another child to the family when it isn't "yours", something people warned me about when I tumbled feet first into being a stepparent.
I'm not even clear on how you go about making those plans. I'm sure it has to be inked into some kind of legal document. My biggest fear is that something will happen to me and my in-laws will get Sephie. They love her, but look at the kind of job they've done in the parenting arena. Five kids, only one of whom is even remotely employable, mature, responsible, and grounded enough to be in a relationship, and that happens to be the one I married. I won't do line by line character assassinations, but it has to be telling when even the father shakes his head and talks about a "One in five success rate." For the record, sir, I agree with you.
My only fear is that B will resist me on this, or see it as a backdoor entrance to insult his parents in light of the recent arguments. While I'll acknowledge that's what got me started on this thought process, I've been clear from the beginning that I never wanted Sephie left to them, if something were to happen to us.
I wonder how other parents come to those conclusions and arrangements.