Vent Post: Mom (Tries) to Ruin a Barbecue
This was a barbecue at Ryan's for Sephie and my niece Elle last night. I've been meaning to go to Dallas to see her, but since I've been in Kansas for a few weeks, that hasn't really been a possibility and it's not likely to happen soon. By the time I fly home on August 4, I'll have been in town for seven weeks, and that's a long time to be away from my husband in our first year of marriage and for Sephie to be away from her father the first year of life.
Still, part of why I'm still here is that I extended out my stay to see DJ and the kids, but as per usual, the visit offered less than 24 hours of actual quality time. This is what happened when they visited me around Christmas. Their schedule is so predictable, it's sad; when they say they're visiting, you know they've booked a late flight arriving Friday night and an early flight departing Sunday morning.
In any case, since this was the first time many people were seeing Sephie and Elle, Ryan offered to host a barbecue for "family and friends." Except that the "friends" were his buddies from church that neither DJ nor I knew, and the family apparently meant including his in-laws and excluding Dad.
To be fair, excluding Dad was at Mom's insistence. But I'm still appalled that Ryan decided to tell Dad about it. If he was truly not invited, why tell him about it in the first place? Or, better question, what in the hell is he doing letting Mom dictate who comes to his house?
It bugs the hell out of me that Ryan would comply with Mom's juvenile request to keep Dad away from a party that involves his grandchildren, one of whom he has never met and whom he would not have a chance to meet before they fly out. It bugs me even more he would defend it as a "family" affair when half the people present are not family. I mean, his in-laws are nice, but they aren't my family and will probably have zero relationship with my daughter. His friends are okay if you get passed the whole "I'm a Christian so I'm better than you," but again, they have no relation to my daughter and likely never will.
I think the real issue is her dickbag of a husband was supposed to be present. He and Mom have been living apart for over a year. I disowned him years ago, after he assaulted my mom in a fight. Yes, I know she is an abusive tyrant in her own right but I just can't abide by domestic violence on any level. She's my mom so I'll continue to try and work with her; he's absolutely nothing to me except her husband, and that's in name only, these days. In other words, she feels her worthless would-be ex-husband has more of a right to see the grandchildren than their actual grandfather.
While I understand it's Ryan's house, I'm curious as to why the two people for whom the party is being thrown weren't consulted as to who they wanted. It's so typical of my mom to take a party that has nothing to do with her and make it all about her by saying Dad can't come or she won't go.
Fine, bitch; do us a favor, and stay home. The only reason I'm continuing to have anything to do with her is to give Sephie the chance to know her grandmother for herself. If it weren't for that, I would have no problem telling her to screw off. If I ever suspect she has the potential to damage Sephie the way she's damaged me, I will cut her off from that kid so fast her head will spin, and she will never hear from either of us again.
The barbecue itself was nice, except for my aunt giving me the cold shoulder. She's still upset about a Facebook post I made a few years ago, critiquing a young cousin's decision to wear fake nails and eyelashes, which she somehow internalized as being about her daughter (who also ignored me). Despite me telling her it wasn't about her and even linking her to the picture I was actually talking about (which was about one of B's relatives) she's carried a grudge ever since. But drama is part and parcel of my maternal DNA, and this is the same aunt who told me that if any people of color were to move into her neighborhood, she would immediately move out to avoid the property taxes falling due to gang violence and crime. So she's a pretty classy lady anyway, you know?
At least Scott went with me, so I wasn't flying solo, but I made sure we left after two hours, just to be safe.
Still, part of why I'm still here is that I extended out my stay to see DJ and the kids, but as per usual, the visit offered less than 24 hours of actual quality time. This is what happened when they visited me around Christmas. Their schedule is so predictable, it's sad; when they say they're visiting, you know they've booked a late flight arriving Friday night and an early flight departing Sunday morning.
In any case, since this was the first time many people were seeing Sephie and Elle, Ryan offered to host a barbecue for "family and friends." Except that the "friends" were his buddies from church that neither DJ nor I knew, and the family apparently meant including his in-laws and excluding Dad.
To be fair, excluding Dad was at Mom's insistence. But I'm still appalled that Ryan decided to tell Dad about it. If he was truly not invited, why tell him about it in the first place? Or, better question, what in the hell is he doing letting Mom dictate who comes to his house?
It bugs the hell out of me that Ryan would comply with Mom's juvenile request to keep Dad away from a party that involves his grandchildren, one of whom he has never met and whom he would not have a chance to meet before they fly out. It bugs me even more he would defend it as a "family" affair when half the people present are not family. I mean, his in-laws are nice, but they aren't my family and will probably have zero relationship with my daughter. His friends are okay if you get passed the whole "I'm a Christian so I'm better than you," but again, they have no relation to my daughter and likely never will.
I think the real issue is her dickbag of a husband was supposed to be present. He and Mom have been living apart for over a year. I disowned him years ago, after he assaulted my mom in a fight. Yes, I know she is an abusive tyrant in her own right but I just can't abide by domestic violence on any level. She's my mom so I'll continue to try and work with her; he's absolutely nothing to me except her husband, and that's in name only, these days. In other words, she feels her worthless would-be ex-husband has more of a right to see the grandchildren than their actual grandfather.
While I understand it's Ryan's house, I'm curious as to why the two people for whom the party is being thrown weren't consulted as to who they wanted. It's so typical of my mom to take a party that has nothing to do with her and make it all about her by saying Dad can't come or she won't go.
Fine, bitch; do us a favor, and stay home. The only reason I'm continuing to have anything to do with her is to give Sephie the chance to know her grandmother for herself. If it weren't for that, I would have no problem telling her to screw off. If I ever suspect she has the potential to damage Sephie the way she's damaged me, I will cut her off from that kid so fast her head will spin, and she will never hear from either of us again.
The barbecue itself was nice, except for my aunt giving me the cold shoulder. She's still upset about a Facebook post I made a few years ago, critiquing a young cousin's decision to wear fake nails and eyelashes, which she somehow internalized as being about her daughter (who also ignored me). Despite me telling her it wasn't about her and even linking her to the picture I was actually talking about (which was about one of B's relatives) she's carried a grudge ever since. But drama is part and parcel of my maternal DNA, and this is the same aunt who told me that if any people of color were to move into her neighborhood, she would immediately move out to avoid the property taxes falling due to gang violence and crime. So she's a pretty classy lady anyway, you know?
At least Scott went with me, so I wasn't flying solo, but I made sure we left after two hours, just to be safe.