Exercise Diaries: Day One
After about two years of avoiding scales altogether, I allowed myself to view what I weighed today.
I should preface this by acknowledging my body has changed. Pregnancy and childbirth, it's just different now. I'm not sure how much weight I gained during pregnancy, but I do know that I've been packing on weight since I had Sephie. I don't feel like I've lost a damn ounce since she was born, and certainly since the Mirena was put in, I was sure I'd gained 25 pounds.
The last time I remember seeing what I weighed was almost exactly two years ago, when Colleen and I were playing with the Wii in the living room of the apartment we shared. I wasn't surprised at what the Wii told me I weighed.
I decided to start being active today. I'm tired of feeling like an invader in my body because I hate the way it looks. So I downloaded LoseIt!, an application designed to be the most accurate calorie counter and tracker on the planet. It's pretty specific, and I had fun inputting everything I ate and drank. I also set the Wii back up, which was a challenge because the batteries in all of the accessories had pretty much died. That ought to be a testament to how long ago things were used.
While I waited for the Wiimotes to charge back up, I put in an old exercise DVD which focused on teaching dance moves and did that for an hour. It was actually longer because I kept rewinding over the routines to make sure I was doing the steps correctly, but I can't guess how much longer. Once that was over and the Wiimotes were charged, I got back into Wii Fit.
And discovered that I'm only 11 pounds heavier than when I weighed in two years ago. I'm obviously kind of mystified by this. I never asked how much I gained during my pregnancy and made it a point to ask each health individual not to tell me. I do know that Rosannne and I agreed I shouldn't gain more than 20, and each time I asked, I was reassured I was nowhere near that, even as recently as the day before giving birth.
So, I'm stumped. Because I've been feeling like I'm hauling an extra 20 or 30 pounds around these days. It's possible that I only gained about 15 or so pounds, lost it all within the first few months of Sephie's birth, and have slowly been gathering them back so it feels like I've gained 20 pounds when it's really been 11. I do know I was getting a lot more exercise when I was working outside of the home.
I'm looking at this as a blessing. I had started to become REALLY depressed thinking I was tipping the scales at 200 pounds. I'm nowhere NEAR 200 pounds! I know I shouldn't be focused on weight, and this is something that I'm supposed to be fighting against, but at the same time, I'm not a big woman. 200 pounds is not something that would be healthy for me to carry around.
And to be fair, part of why I had started to think I weighed that amount was due to feeling a lot of stress on my back and knees lately. That's why I was thinking I must be weighing 20 or 30 pounds beyond what my body is used to.
I'm wrong. And I'm okay with being wrong. Courtesy of my work out, I'm feeling good and I want to continue this motivation to get HEALTHY. I feel like there has been a seismic shift in how I think about weight and my body, and I'm proud of that. I'm proud it's no longer a tool to abuse myself with, and I just hope I can follow through.
I should preface this by acknowledging my body has changed. Pregnancy and childbirth, it's just different now. I'm not sure how much weight I gained during pregnancy, but I do know that I've been packing on weight since I had Sephie. I don't feel like I've lost a damn ounce since she was born, and certainly since the Mirena was put in, I was sure I'd gained 25 pounds.
The last time I remember seeing what I weighed was almost exactly two years ago, when Colleen and I were playing with the Wii in the living room of the apartment we shared. I wasn't surprised at what the Wii told me I weighed.
I decided to start being active today. I'm tired of feeling like an invader in my body because I hate the way it looks. So I downloaded LoseIt!, an application designed to be the most accurate calorie counter and tracker on the planet. It's pretty specific, and I had fun inputting everything I ate and drank. I also set the Wii back up, which was a challenge because the batteries in all of the accessories had pretty much died. That ought to be a testament to how long ago things were used.
While I waited for the Wiimotes to charge back up, I put in an old exercise DVD which focused on teaching dance moves and did that for an hour. It was actually longer because I kept rewinding over the routines to make sure I was doing the steps correctly, but I can't guess how much longer. Once that was over and the Wiimotes were charged, I got back into Wii Fit.
And discovered that I'm only 11 pounds heavier than when I weighed in two years ago. I'm obviously kind of mystified by this. I never asked how much I gained during my pregnancy and made it a point to ask each health individual not to tell me. I do know that Rosannne and I agreed I shouldn't gain more than 20, and each time I asked, I was reassured I was nowhere near that, even as recently as the day before giving birth.
So, I'm stumped. Because I've been feeling like I'm hauling an extra 20 or 30 pounds around these days. It's possible that I only gained about 15 or so pounds, lost it all within the first few months of Sephie's birth, and have slowly been gathering them back so it feels like I've gained 20 pounds when it's really been 11. I do know I was getting a lot more exercise when I was working outside of the home.
I'm looking at this as a blessing. I had started to become REALLY depressed thinking I was tipping the scales at 200 pounds. I'm nowhere NEAR 200 pounds! I know I shouldn't be focused on weight, and this is something that I'm supposed to be fighting against, but at the same time, I'm not a big woman. 200 pounds is not something that would be healthy for me to carry around.
And to be fair, part of why I had started to think I weighed that amount was due to feeling a lot of stress on my back and knees lately. That's why I was thinking I must be weighing 20 or 30 pounds beyond what my body is used to.
I'm wrong. And I'm okay with being wrong. Courtesy of my work out, I'm feeling good and I want to continue this motivation to get HEALTHY. I feel like there has been a seismic shift in how I think about weight and my body, and I'm proud of that. I'm proud it's no longer a tool to abuse myself with, and I just hope I can follow through.