May 05, 2008 08:20
[Locked from Clark]
I believe Clark is indeed feeling more like himself. I attempted to force the issue, arranging for an impromptu meeting with his parents at a local diner dive. Greasy burgers and fries are not my choice of cuisine, but I wanted Clark to feel at ease.
I'm still not certain whether or not Clark even realized it was a set up. But either way, Clark did seem to warm slightly after being with his parents. He draws strength from his family. It's a foreign notion to me, still, but I've seen them together enough over the years to know that his family is integral to Clark's well being. I would have liked to be enough for him, but there are some parts of Clark I am still not able to reach.
I think he might be ready to return to his hometown for a visit. I know he has been avoiding the rural spaces that previously had been his comfort. But it may be time for him to take that next step, to reclaim what was and is his.
As for me, I find myself still dwelling on what I almost did, what I proved myself capable of. But I'm like a broken record, stuck on the reality of it, unable to move forward.
But I must assimilate it. There are balls in the air now, and I have to play the game. I don't have the luxury of simply opting out.