(no subject)
Heh... interesting. I'm starting to feel things again. I think after I left Holy Name I kind of socially shut myself off as far as emotions go. I made myself indifferent to people and my image, perhaps because being conscious of and caring about those things before got me a lot of hell. And while I've had fun, and been an interesting character... I haven't really been living. I haven't been feeling any of it. I haven't been enjoying it. For the last forever... I've just been... existing. And now that's changing. I'm opening myself up again. But the question now... can I synthesize the maturity I've gained by being who I've been... with the immature person I left two years ago? The difference between those two people is ironic. The one who cuts crude jokes, is obnoxious, and doesn't respect or care about social taboos and norms... is the mature one... the reserved, quiet, self-conscious one the immature. But it's all about the perspective of self in each person. One has outgrown the insecurity and inability to deal with people... he has transcended the need for social acceptance, by accepting himself. The other is still just a child inside... vulnerable, afraid, hopeful...
Synthesis must occur.
Synthesis must occur.