Different from the Last.
It's been over six months since I last updated this journal.
Six months ago I had nothing but pleasant things to say. Now I have nothing but negative things to talk about. I had been fucked over in the past but none has hurt as bad as this one. I've been lied to before but never felt the sting of pain and my stomach drop the way it has the past few days. When you waste 7 months on something you thought would last forever only to find that it was wasted time and you came out of it feeling worse than you ever have. I can't bear to hear his voice or see his face. I was overcome with a feeling of nausea when I had heard the truth.
Friends don't lie.
Boyfriends do.
People think that by not telling you the whole story they're keeping you safe. That’s completely false. I'm not going to explain the story I refuse to be childish and say mean things to or about him anymore.
I just wish he knew how much this has hurt me.
Damaged me.
I don't know if I’ll ever recover from something this traumatic. I doubt it right now.
I would have taken his name. I would have carried his children. I would have done anything for him. I regret ever meeting him. Ever saying he was hot. Ever looking at him because look where its got me now. Walking through crowded hallways at school, ignoring friendly hellos, head down, tears streaming down my face.
But isn't this what high school is all about? Heartbreak, lies, pain?
I will forget about him, move on.
I don't know how long it will take but I do know that if I try hard enough I can erase time wasted. I can make up for the mistakes I have made. I will never be pure again but I will get as close to it as possible.
I am a phoenix. I will rise again. I will be strong reborn beautiful.
Six months ago I had nothing but pleasant things to say. Now I have nothing but negative things to talk about. I had been fucked over in the past but none has hurt as bad as this one. I've been lied to before but never felt the sting of pain and my stomach drop the way it has the past few days. When you waste 7 months on something you thought would last forever only to find that it was wasted time and you came out of it feeling worse than you ever have. I can't bear to hear his voice or see his face. I was overcome with a feeling of nausea when I had heard the truth.
Friends don't lie.
Boyfriends do.
People think that by not telling you the whole story they're keeping you safe. That’s completely false. I'm not going to explain the story I refuse to be childish and say mean things to or about him anymore.
I just wish he knew how much this has hurt me.
Damaged me.
I don't know if I’ll ever recover from something this traumatic. I doubt it right now.
I would have taken his name. I would have carried his children. I would have done anything for him. I regret ever meeting him. Ever saying he was hot. Ever looking at him because look where its got me now. Walking through crowded hallways at school, ignoring friendly hellos, head down, tears streaming down my face.
But isn't this what high school is all about? Heartbreak, lies, pain?
I will forget about him, move on.
I don't know how long it will take but I do know that if I try hard enough I can erase time wasted. I can make up for the mistakes I have made. I will never be pure again but I will get as close to it as possible.
I am a phoenix. I will rise again. I will be strong reborn beautiful.