(no subject)

[tabefaction_]

This life is just an excuse for people to look like assholes. So today with the free time I had on my hands I thought. I thought about my life and where the hell I'm going. Who I'm going to be and what I'm going to do. Right now I have nothing. After high school where will I be? What the hell will I do? Who will I be with? I need to clean up my act and get my shit together. I gotta stop worrying about all the chaos around me and start focusing on myself. I'm failing school and have resorted to blaming it on my parents divorce. I have to be strong and get over it. I have to let go of Florida and the people there. I have to be the mature person I know I can be. Another thing I relized is that I'm head over heels in love with Thomas LaMarche. We went out for awhile but since the last time I commited I was fucked over and I was scared so I ended it. After talking to him and being with him I discovered that he's not going to hurt me and that he's a genuine guy. So yeah, I'm in love with him... be it petty or childish I am in love. I'm sick of taking everyday as it comes. I need a plan. So here it is.... I'm going to pass highschool. In feb. I'm starting photo&ceramics at Moore College and then i'm going to graduate and get out of this town. Where everyone is rich and materialistic. Where everyones Egos are bigger than their brains and where being popular is the only thing that matters. If people choose not to like me for wanting to suceed then that's thier own problem. I have no need for anyone's imput on my plan. I want to take pictures. I want to enjoy something for the first time in my life. I want to get my hands dirty in clay. I want to make beautiful things that make others think. Things that make people smile or cry. I want things that spark the lust we all hold inside the romantic selves we all are. I want to change someone or to change something. I don't want to be a nobody who does nothing. My goal in life isnt to discover time travel or to be a genius it's simple I just want to do something. More than others do. I want to love, live, and let go. I want to travel the world and study every eccentric thing I possibly can, Film, Photo, Poetry, Rocks whatever. I want to love and be loved by another. I think that having a perfect love story to tell when I'm wrinkled and old is the best thing you can acchive. To be able to tell your childern and grandchildren about a man, or woman that you've shared you darkest secrets with and spent your best times with. I am determined to do that. To live, work, and love. To enjoy myself and the ones around me. I know that this was a big jumble of words that no one will actually read and I'm fine with that. I felt it nessecary to blab about nonsense for a while and I think I've accomplished that. So adu adu
goodmorning, goodevening, goodnight.