(no subject)
i don't get this.
there is absolutely nothing wrong going on in my life.
my family loves me.
i'm pretty much falling for adam.
school is great.
everything is going just fine and dandy....
....and yet i keep thinking about death.
and all of the various ways i can die.
no, i don't think about committing suicide.
but i do think about all of these various "accidents" that could take my life, or at least injure me pretty bad.
then, i think about how all of friends might mourn my death.
i think about what how sad everyone would be.
and i get a thrill out of the thought.
just 10 mins ago, i was crossing the street.
i was looking down when all of a sudden, someone screams," look out!!"
so i look to my right and see a car that suddenly picks up speed as if to run me down.
luckily, i stopped just short of getting hit.
afterward, i thought that if i had looked at the person to my left who had called out rather than to my right, i would have been hit.
i actually REGRETTED not looking to the right.
i wished i had been hit.
i imagined what the pain would have been like...
and i wished it had happened.
i think i have a problem.
and i need help.
i just wish i knew who to turn to.
there is absolutely nothing wrong going on in my life.
my family loves me.
i'm pretty much falling for adam.
school is great.
everything is going just fine and dandy....
....and yet i keep thinking about death.
and all of the various ways i can die.
no, i don't think about committing suicide.
but i do think about all of these various "accidents" that could take my life, or at least injure me pretty bad.
then, i think about how all of friends might mourn my death.
i think about what how sad everyone would be.
and i get a thrill out of the thought.
just 10 mins ago, i was crossing the street.
i was looking down when all of a sudden, someone screams," look out!!"
so i look to my right and see a car that suddenly picks up speed as if to run me down.
luckily, i stopped just short of getting hit.
afterward, i thought that if i had looked at the person to my left who had called out rather than to my right, i would have been hit.
i actually REGRETTED not looking to the right.
i wished i had been hit.
i imagined what the pain would have been like...
and i wished it had happened.
i think i have a problem.
and i need help.
i just wish i knew who to turn to.