Kept!verse: A shot of clarity
This is the first story in my Kept!verse, with more to follow shortly, in which Jeff's a billionaire, Jensen's a princess and Jared's the long suffering bodyguard.
Title: A shot of clarity
Pairing: JDM/JA
Summary: Being a billionaire is dangerous - Jeff gets shot and Jensen has to deal. Jared's just along for the ride.
“Jared, you’re on babysitting duty.” Singer barks at him. “The Princess wants to go shopping.” Jared just grins while the others laugh at him. He doesn’t mind getting this detail, as far as he’s concerned chaperoning Jensen is better than sitting in a board room listening to Jeff hash out contract negotiations.
He finds Jensen waiting impatiently for him in the foyer. “Oh, good. It’s you.” Jensen grins and hands over the car keys. “We’re taking the Porsche.”
“The new one?” Jared asks. Jeff only bought the Porsche a few months ago, it usually takes longer than that for him to get bored of his new toys.
“Yep.” Jensen grins. “I thought they were going to send Chris. He sucks at shopping.”
“I’m not there to help you make fashion choices.” Chris drawls, suddenly coming up behind them.
“Good job, isn’t it?” Jensen replies archly. “You wouldn’t know style if it walked up and hit you in the face.”
“It’d be the last thing style ever did.” Chris growls. Jensen looks supremely unimpressed.
“We’re taking the Porsche.” Jared grins at Chris, swinging the keys. Jensen doesn’t like driving, but he likes to travel in style and the rest of the guards all agree that getting Jensen detail at least means they’ll get to drive some seriously hot cars. Jeff prefers to drive himself around. Chris looks a little put out that he isn’t going to be the first one of the staff to drive Jeff’s new baby.
“You need to be back by 3.” He informs Jared. “Jensen has to attend some gala with Jeff tomorrow and they’re going out for dinner with the head of the charity commission tonight.”
“Is that why we’re shopping?” Jared asks Jensen as Chris stalks off to take care of whatever detail he’s been assigned.
“We’re shopping because I don’t have anything else to do.” Jensen replies, Jared’s pretty sure he’s only imagining the bitterness in his tone.
Jared’s worked for Jeffrey Dean Morgan for almost two years now. It’s not exactly what he thought he’d be doing with his life but things have turned out pretty well. He joined the army straight out of school, despite his mother begging him not to, but he left after five years because he couldn’t stand any more time in the desert, watching his friends die for a war he’s not sure he believes in. When he was discharged he wasn’t sure what to do. Thought about joining the police but one of his old sergeants had told him being a body guard paid better. He’d given him the name of Kripke Security Services and six months later Jared had been on his first job. Touring with some pampered pop princess had not been his idea of a good time, even if he did see more of the world that way than he had in the army. His next assignment had been as part of Morgan’s private security force and he’d never looked back. The other guards teased him that working in the pop industry was probably why he coped so well with Jensen.
Jensen is…well, officially he’s Jeff’s partner. His boyfriend. Unofficially he’s his kept boy. Jared actually really likes him. He’s spoiled and pampered, but then most billionaires’ boyfriends probably are. What Jared hadn’t expected was the sarcastic sense of humour and dry wit that Jensen possesses. He thinks most of the guards don’t understand Jensen’s humour, don’t try to look past the pretty packaging to what’s underneath. Chris, despite his bickering with him, actually gets on pretty well with Jensen, so it’s usually him or Jared that gets Jensen detail.
“You’re coming to the gala tomorrow.” Jensen informs him, as they step out of the car. Jared hands the keys to the valet, sweeping his eyes around the area carefully. There are a few people looking at them, but they did just arrive in a Porsche and neither he nor Jensen is inconspicuous. Jared’s too tall and Jensen’s too good looking for them to pass by unnoticed. Jared nods his agreement, at a high profile event like that there will be more than the usual one or two guards present. “Jeff said to buy you a new suit.”
“He did?” Jared frowns.
“Yep.” Jensen nods, dragging him into Armani. “He doesn’t want you wearing your KSS suits, wants you to be a bit less noticeable.” Jensen grins at him suddenly. “Although how he thinks anyone could miss your giant ass I don’t know.” Jared glares, pretending to turn and check out his ass.
“I’ll have you know my ass is in perfect proportion.” He grins when Jensen cracks up. Jared likes making him laugh, he’s too serious most of the time. Someone comes up to help them and Jared spends the next hour being groped and poked until they find a suit that fits him.
“You’re lucky we had something in store, Mr Ackles.” The manager tells Jensen. “We don’t generally stock things for people as tall as your friend.” Jensen just smiles prettily and hands over his American Express. “The alterations will be finished by tomorrow and we’ll deliver it to your home.”
“Jackass.” Jensen says as they leave the store. “Singer knew we were coming, he would have called ahead and told them to get something in. Let’s get lunch.” Jensen drags him to a little bistro and makes him order two main courses. “Don’t want you complaining that you’re hungry.” He grins. Jared’s glad when the food arrives and the portions are miniscule.
Jensen buys some shoes and some books, makes Jared spend ages standing around while he looks at cushion covers and then decides he doesn’t want any. They make it home by quarter past 3 and Singer’s waiting in the foyer for them.
“Kane told you to be back by 3, Padalecki.” Singer growls.
“It’s my fault.” Jensen breezes past him, taking his bags from Jared. “I got caught up. Jeff!” He rushes up the stairs calling Jeff’s name and disappears down the hallway.
“C’mon.” Jared grins at his boss. “15 minutes late. That’s got to be a record with Jensen. He was there when Chris told me what time to be back.” Jensen is notoriously difficult to get to return home unless he wants to.
“Any trouble?” Singer asks as they walk together to the back of the house.
“None.” Jared confirms. They’ve been having some disturbing letters appearing over the last few weeks. They’re not exactly direct threats but they’ve got Jeff upset because they seem to be directed at Jensen, who knows nothing about them. “How come he let him go shopping?” Jared asks. They’ve practically had Jensen under house arrest for the last few weeks, for his own protection. Obviously since Jensen doesn’t know about the letters he just thinks they’re all being difficult.
“He threw a spectacular tantrum apparently.” Singer shrugs. “I told Jeff to just explain to him but he wouldn’t. We got another letter today. While you were out.” Jared suddenly understands why Singer was so upset that they were late.
“We’re still going to the Gala?” He asks.
“Yep. Increased security. Do not leave Jensen’s side, I don’t care what kind of tantrum he throws.”
“Yes, sir.” Jared might not be in the army anymore but he knows a direct order when he hears it.
He gets back to the house at 3 the next day, as instructed, so he can get ready for the Gala. Jensen’s waiting for him in the bedroom Singer sends him to, holding up the suit.
“It arrived this morning.” Jensen says when Jared steps into the room, he takes Jared’s bag to look at his shoes and obviously decides they’re acceptable because he hands them back.
“What did you do today?” Jared asks, it’s weird sometimes to remember that Jensen isn’t supposed to leave the house without security.
“Got a manicure and a hair cut.” Jensen shrugs. Jared nods, Jensen keeps his hair short, he gets it cut every few weeks and Jared pities the guy who had to sit with him in the hair parlour. Chris is coming to the Gala tonight so he knows it wasn’t him, which is a good thing because it always puts him in a bad mood. “Do you know where Jeff is today?” Jensen asks, Jared thinks it’s meant to sound nonchalant but his tone sounds forced.
“Board said he’s at the office.” Jared shrugs. The board in the security room has codes which tell them the basic location of the people they’re protecting, mostly Jensen and Jeff, and who is on protection detail. “Justin’s with him. Should be back soon to get ready. He didn’t tell you he was working?”
“Yeah. I must have forgotten.” Jensen shrugs. Jared worries about Jensen. He’s pretty sure that he’s unhappy, no matter how pampered and spoiled he is; it’s not the first time he’s asked about Jeff and Jared has to wonder if the two of them ever talk. He’s usually assigned to protect Jensen but he’s spent enough time with Jeff, and some time with the two of them together, to know that Jeff adores Jensen and the feeling’s mutual.
The Gala’s pretty boring. He can’t drink anything, or talk to anyone. Just has to follow Jensen around all night. At least Jensen’s making it pretty easy, hanging off Jeff’s arm and smiling prettily at everyone, glaring at the occasional deb. that dares to stand too close to Jeff. Sterling’s on Jeff’s other side, looking menacing as usual.
Jared watches Jensen take another glass of orange juice from a passing waiter and resigns himself to the fact that there’s going to be a trip to the bathroom in his near future. He sees Sterling’s eyes widen at the same time as the sees the red dot centred on Jeff’s chest.
“Get down!” He grabs Jensen by the shoulder and drags him to the floor, knocking the glass of orange juice all over them both in the process. The shot rings out as they hit the floor and Jared’s sure Jensen’s been hit by the agonised noise he makes. Jensen fights out of his hold, surprising strength in his lean frame, and Jared realises it’s Jeff that’s been hit.
“Jeff.” Jensen’s by his side now.
“Get him out of here.” Jeff growls at Jared who nods immediately, practically picking Jensen up. Jensen fights him all the way and it’s only when Chris joins him that they manage to wrestle him out of the gala and into the car.
“What’s going on?” Jensen’s shaking and angry and Jared doesn’t blame him. “My hands…” Jensen holds his hands out, they’re covered in Jeff’s blood.
“Shit.” Jared uses his jacket to try and scrub the blood from Jensen’s hands, seeing how close he is to going into shock.
“Are we going to the hospital?” Jensen’s voice is quiet.
“No.” Chris replies brusquely. “We’re going to the safe house.”
“I want to see Jeff.”
“He’s going to the hospital.”
“So take me there.” Jensen’s not used to being told no.
“Jensen.” Jared interrupts softly. “Jeff’s going to be fine. He was talking, you heard him.”
“He got shot.” Jensen replies. “Jared, he got shot.”
“Hey.” Jared squeezes Jensen’s hands to bring him back down from the panic he seems to be getting lost in. “It was a shoulder wound. He’ll be fine. Right now we need to get you somewhere safe, Jeff will come soon.”
“I want to see him.”
“I know, but it’s not possible right now. When we get to the safe house I’ll call Singer and see what he says.”
“Why did someone shoot him?” Jensen asks, sounding shattered.
“He’s a high profile figure and there are a lot of crazies out there.” Jared lets Jensen lean into him as the car speeds down the highway. “Did you get hurt?” Jared asks after a moment. “When I pulled you down…”
“No.” Jensen shakes his head. “Are you sure we can’t go see Jeff?”
“No.” Chris snaps. “For once in your life listen when people are trying to tell you what’s good for you.”
“Hey.” Jared interrupts. “Don’t talk to him like that, he has every right to want to see Jeff. Besides, Jeff’ll be pissed if he hears you yelled at him.” Chris just shakes his head and puts his foot down a little harder. Jared lets it go, Chris had argued as hard as him that it wasn’t fair on Jensen when these plans had been put in place, but in the end Jeff’s word was law and he wanted Jensen taking somewhere safe. That was their priority. “We’ll get the doctor to come and see you, anyway.” He turns back to Jensen. “Just to be sure. Maybe he’ll give you something to help you sleep.”
“I don’t want to sleep.” Jared’s never heard Jensen sound quite so vulnerable. “I want to see Jeff. What if he…What if…”
“He’s fine.” Jared reassures him again. “We’ll call Sterling when we get to the house.”
“He’ll need surgery to get the bullet out, even if getting shot doesn’t kill him the surgery might.” There’s a rising note of panic in Jensen’s voice again.
“He’s going to be fine.” Jared tells Jensen firmly. “Absolutely fine.”
They arrive at the house then, met by another security team from KSS and the man himself.
“Mr Ackles.” Eric greets Jensen who looks at him in bewilderment. “Eric Kripke.” He holds out his hand but Jensen shrinks back into Jared.
“My hands are covered in blood.” He tells Jared.
“I’m going to take Jensen in to wash up.” Jared tells his boss. “He says he’s not hurt but can you get the doctor out here anyway, I think he might be in shock.” Jared would have liked to have the doctor waiting for them when they arrived but he’d left his cellphone behind as per procedure. They couldn’t risk someone using the GPS chip to track them.
“Of course.” Kripke nods.
“Do we have an update on Jeff yet?” Chris asks.
“He’s stable. It was a clean through and through.”
“Hear that, Jensen?” Jared asks, leading him into the house and up the stairs. “No surgery required.”
“When can I see him?” Jensen asks. Jared’s about to respond when he realises Kripke is following them.
“Hopefully he’ll be released tomorrow and then he’ll be brought straight here.”
“I want to be kept updated.” It’s clear that Jensen means that to sound authoritative but it actually sounds like a plea.
“Of course.” Kripke nods. He hands Jared a gun, which he tucks into the waist band of his pants.
“What do you need that for?” Jensen asks when they’re in the bathroom. Jared fills the sink with water and helps Jensen wash his hands, not wanting the older man to burn himself. He doesn’t think Jensen would even notice at the moment. “Why do you need a gun?” He demands when Jared doesn’t answer straight away.
“To protect you.” Jared replies. “To protect us.”
“This is supposed to be the safe house.”
“It is.” Jared assures him. “This place is like Fort Knox, nothing and no one can get in, or out, of this place unnoticed. It’s just a precaution.”
“I don’t like guns.”
“I know.” Jared sighs. Jensen has made his feelings about guns perfectly clear, several times over. By the time Jensen’s satisfied that his hands are clean and they’ve both changed out of their suits into something less restrictive the doctor has arrived. Jared stays with Jensen, despite the doctor’s protestations, they can’t be too careful just then.
Dr Ferris is Jensen’s private physician and she manages to convince him to take something to help him sleep, after satisfying herself that he doesn’t have a concussion or any other minor injury. Jared’s pretty sure that if Jensen were injured at all he’d be playing it up so he could go to the hospital and see Jeff.
“Get some rest.” Kripke advises. Jared does that, sinking down into an armchair by Jensen’s bed. He knows there’s a guard outside the door and others patrolling the grounds but he’s not happy to leave Jensen alone just now. He falls asleep with his gun in his hand.
“Can you put that away?” Jensen’s voice jerks him out his sleep a few hours later. “It’s making me nervous.”
“Sure.” Jared tucks the gun away and rubs at his eyes. The good thing about being in the army was that you learned how to sleep anywhere, so even after a few hours Jared feels rested. “Sleep well?”
“I always do when I’ve been drugged.” Jensen snaps. In the time he’s worked for Jeff and Jensen, if Jared has only learned one thing it’s that Jensen Ackles is never pleasant before his first cup of coffee.
“Coffee?” Jared asks. Jensen nods and then disappears into the bathroom. Jared opens the door and grins at the gun Chris has pulled on him. “You want to keep that better hidden?” He asks. “You know how Jensen feels about them.”
“Yeah? How does he feel about getting taken out because we’re not quick enough to shoot back because I’m hiding my gun from his delicate eyes?” It’s pretty obvious Chris hasn’t had much sleep.
“He wants coffee.” Jared replies.
“I’ll get some brought up. Think he’ll eat anything?”
“Get some fruit and toast.” Jared nods. Jensen probably won’t eat much but he might pick at something. Jared changes quickly while Jensen’s still showering, glad that Kripke insisted everyone had a stash of clothes at the safe house. The coffee arrives and he’s got it fixed just as Jensen likes by the time Jensen emerges from the bathroom, towelling his hair dry.
“Did I do that?” He asks after inhaling his first cup of coffee.
“Do what?” Jared asks, fixing him another.
“Your face.” Jensen replies. Jared frowns and turns to the mirror, seeing the dark bruise spreading from under his eye across his cheekbone. When he thinks about it he does vaguely remember getting an elbow to the face in Jensen’s struggle to get to Jeff.
“Don’t worry about it.” He grins. “You hit like a girl.”
“Whatever.” Jensen smiles a little, sipping his coffee and shredding a piece of toast. Jared would be pleased, except he’s pretty sure most of it’s still on the plate, just in smaller pieces. Still, he watches Jensen eat a few strawberries and pieces of melon, which is better than nothing.
“Can I call the hospital and speak to Jeff?” Jensen asks quietly.
“I don’t think so.” Jared shakes his head. “I’ll ask Kripke but I’m pretty sure he’ll say no.”
“What’s going on?” Jensen demands. “Why do I have clothes here? And why was there so much security at the Gala last night?”
“You have clothes here because this is the KSS safe house.” Jared explains calmly. “Jeff probably packed them for you ages ago. How would you notice a few things missing from your closet? I could go missing in your closet and it would take weeks and a search party to find me.”
“Shut up.” Jensen doesn’t look amused.
“There’s been a couple of threats.” Jared replies. He thinks Jensen should have been told before now, really, but Jeff had wanted to keep him sheltered.
“So why did we go to the stupid gala?” Jensen asks, the coffee doesn’t seem to have had its usual effect and he looks drained and irritated. “Why didn’t we just stay home?”
“Jeff felt it was an important event. He asked you to stay home.” Jared reminds him.
“This is why…This is why he’s not been taking me anywhere?” Jensen asks suddenly. “Why he’s been leaving me at home when he goes places?”
“Yes. He wanted to keep you safe.”
“He’s an absolute bastard!”
“Jensen!” Jared’s never heard Jensen speak badly of Jeff. Ever.
“I thought he was cheating on me, Jared.” Jensen replies, his eyes flashing. “Oh, god. That would have been so much better than him getting shot.” Jensen slumps back down onto the bed and Jared moves to sit next to him, rubbing a hand over his back carefully. He’s well aware that he’s probably too close to Jensen, that he doesn’t maintain a professional distance, and hasn’t for a long time. It’s not something that bothers him, he’s secure in his ability to protect Jensen from any threat. Besides, Jeff keeps Jensen so sheltered, he doesn’t go out much, doesn’t seem to have many friends. If he can make Jensen’s life a little bit less lonely, he’s more than happy to try.
“Jeff wouldn’t cheat on you.” Jared soothes. “You know that.”
“What was I supposed to think?” Jensen asks. “All of a sudden I’m not allowed to go on any business trips with him, barely allowed to leave the grounds, even with security. Everyone was whispering around me.” Jensen shakes his head. “I’m not a child. Why did no one tell me?”
“We wanted to keep you safe.” Jared wants to apologise but it wasn’t his fault. He’d tried to talk Jeff around, to get him to tell Jensen, and so had Chris. But none of them had realised how miserable Jensen was.
“I’m not a child.” Jensen repeats. “We had a fight yesterday.” He admits. “Because he didn’t want me to go shopping. Didn’t want to take me to the Gala. He could have died and I would have been mad at him.”
“He didn’t die.” Jared corrects. “He’s absolutely fine.”
“He got shot!”
“He’ll be ok.” Jared promises. “Give it a couple of weeks, some therapy. He’ll be good as new.”
“I never saw anyone get shot before.”
“It doesn’t get any easier.” Jared admits, trying not to let his mind wander back to Iraq. “No matter how many times you see it. Hopefully you won’t ever have to see it again.”
“He could have died.” Jensen’s voice sounds choked. “And I wouldn’t have anything. Just…nothing.”
“I’m sure you’re provided for in his will.” Jared replies.
“That’s what you think I’m upset about?” Jensen demands, looking outraged. It fades quickly to sadness. “I guess you would think that.”
“Jensen…”
“No.” Jensen interrupts before he can apologise. “Why would you think anything different?” Jensen asks, shaking his head softly. “I know what you guys all say about me. That I’m spoiled, that I throw tantrums…”
“No, I…”
“Maybe not you.” Jensen acquiesces. “You’re too nice for your own good. But the rest of them? That’s what they think about me. Maybe they’re right. It wasn’t always like this. I wasn’t always like this.” Jared just waits, he’s pretty sure Jensen hasn’t finished talking yet. Jensen doesn’t talk much most of the time, he laughs and jokes, passes comment on things but the words are mostly empty. Jared feels like for the first time since he met Jensen he’s actually being allowed to see past the mask. “You know I’ve been with Jeff since I was 18?”
“12 years?” Jared asks. Jensen was 30 a few months earlier. Jared had been given a week off, to visit his parents, because Jeff had taken Jensen to a private Island in the Caribbean and security wasn’t required. “I didn’t realise it was that long.” He knew Jeff and Jensen had been together for a long time, but not that long. When he thinks about it, there are some pictures of the two of them around the house where Jeff doesn’t look much different but Jensen looks a lot younger. Jared hadn’t given it much thought, Jensen has a different hairstyle in those pictures and he’d assumed that was what made him look so young.
“Our anniversary’s in September.” Jensen nods. “I grew up in Texas. Dallas. My parents were pretty religious. Probably still are, I haven’t seen them for a long time.” He shrugs. “I told them I was gay when I was 16.”
“Did they throw you out?” Jared asks.
“No.” Jensen shakes his head with a smile. “They tried to fix me. I tried so hard to be what they wanted. I didn’t want to go to hell. It didn’t work though, and when I was 18 I left school. Moved to San Francisco because I figured if I was going to fit in anywhere, that was the place, right?” He sighs. “I was so young. So naïve. How I didn’t end up dead I have no idea. I didn’t have much money, no job to come to.”
“How did you meet Jeff?” Jared asks.
“I got a job working at a coffee shop in the city. It wasn’t much but it paid the rent and that was all I needed. I’d been working there for a few weeks and he came in to get a coffee one day. Then the next and the next. I figured he was a regular, but the people I worked with said they didn’t recognise him. Eventually he asked me out.” Jensen smiles and Jared stays silent, not wanting to interrupt what’s obviously a pleasant memory. “He was just…Well you know Jeff.” Jensen grins a little. “He was so confident. He wasn’t ashamed of his sexuality, he had friends who loved him and he was successful. God…I just…I just wanted to be around him. To try and soak up some of his confidence. I didn’t…I didn’t even know what he did.”
“Really?” Jared can’t help but ask. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is a very wealthy man, but he guesses if Jensen had a sheltered upbringing in Texas he might not have known who he was. Jared only knew of him because his father was an accountant and had had dealings with JDM companies in the past.
“I knew he did something in business.” Jensen shrugs. “He told me he had his own company but I didn’t know he was a billionaire.” He smiles a little. “We’d been dating for six months and he asked me to move in with him. I hated my apartment and my roommate was a freak and…Like I said, I just wanted to be with him. After a while he said I should quit my job because what’s the point of living with the richest man in the city if you’re just going to carry on being a barista? I thought he was embarrassed by me and I didn’t want that so I quit.”
Jared really doubts Jeff was embarrassed, but he can see how Jensen might have drawn that conclusion. He hadn’t realised that Jensen was so insecure but the vulnerability is pouring off him now.
“After that it was like…I guess I just started to turn into what you guys say I am. His kept boy. I know he works hard. I know he’s driven, it’s one of the things that drew me to him in the first place. I’m not really that ambitious, I admire that in him. But lately…Lately it’s just like the only way I can get his attention is by racking up his credit card bills, or spreading my legs and half the time he’s too busy even for that.” Jensen adds bitterly, shaking his head as if to clear it. Jared wishes he knew how to comfort him but this is the longest he’s ever heard Jensen speak and he’s not sure what to do with all the information.
“One day he’s going to wake up and see me. Really see me. And then he’ll realise that I’m not the person he thinks I am.” Jensen isn’t looking at Jared, and he can’t help but be glad because he doesn’t think he could see the expression on Jensen’s face without crying. “I don’t have an education or a job, I don’t really even have any friends of my own. I’m not smart, I’m not talented and I’m not going to look like this forever. One day he’s going to wake up and realise he can have anyone he wants and I’m just…I’m just nobody.”
“Is that what you think?” Jared’s hand settles on the gun at his waist band at the sound of the gruff voice from the doorway before his mind catches up and he realises it’s Jeff. Jared stands up, making the decision to leave the two of them alone, he steps into the hallway and closes the door behind him.
“Are you ok?” Jensen asks, swiping at his eyes and sitting up straighter. “Sit down.” Jeff looks pale but other than that, and the sling holding his left arm steady, he looks fine. He turns liquid dark eyes on Jensen.
“Is that what you think?” He asks again, lifting his right hand to cup Jensen’s face. “You think after all these years I’m just going to kick you out?”
“I don’t know why you’d keep me.”
“Because I love you.” Jeff replies, catching Jensen’s eye when he tries to look away. “I thought you knew that.”
“You don’t say it.” Jensen sighs. “You don’t ever say it, and you don’t let me say it either.” The only time Jensen can get away with telling Jeff he loves him is when the older man is asleep. Otherwise he shushes him, or kisses him, anything to shut him up.
“I don’t need to hear it to know it’s true.” Jeff sighs, letting his hand drop to stroke Jensen’s lips. “But maybe you do and I should have realised that.”
“I don’t expect you to say it all the time.” Jensen shakes his head. “Just sometimes. Not even when other people are there…”
“You think I don’t want people to know I love you?” Jeff interrupts. “Jesus, Jensen, I’d shout it from the rooftops. I love you. I’ve loved you since the first time I took you on a date. Since the first time I heard you laugh. I didn’t realise you were so unhappy.”
“It wasn’t always like this.” Jensen repeats what he’d said to Jared. “It’s just that…lately you’ve been so busy. You don’t talk to me anymore. You don’t listen to me either. You just throw cash at me and hope I’ll go away.”
“No, Jensen…”
“That’s how it feels!” Jensen insists. “I don’t need money. If you lost it all tomorrow I’d get a job sweeping the streets, I don’t even care about that. I just want to be with you. I want you to talk to me like you used to. I want you to want to spend time with me without me demanding it.” Jensen finally lets the tears fall. Tears he’s been suppressing for God only knows how long.
“Jen.” Jeff swipes the tears away with his thumb.
“I just want you to want to be with me.” Jensen sobs. “Like I want to be with you.”
“I do.” Jeff pulls him close, not caring about the way it pulls his shoulder. “God, Jensen. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He kisses him, softly at first but then a little harder, until Jensen opens up beneath him and lets him in. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that you’re nobody.” He shakes Jensen’s shoulder a little. “You hear me? You’re everything and if anybody ever makes you feel that way again you tell Jared to kick their ass.” Jeff’s pretty sure Jared would do it.
“Even if it’s you?”
“Especially if it’s me.” Jeff agrees with a smile. “I love you, Jen. You mean the world to me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about the letters?” Jensen asks, letting his hand drift to Jeff’s sling and away again.
“I wanted to keep you safe.” Jeff replies, hoping Jensen can see he’s being honest.
“That’s not fair. I thought…I thought you were cheating on me.”
“Jensen.” Sometimes Jeff forgets that the man he lives with is the same insecure, inexperienced, boy he met all those years ago. “There hasn’t been anyone else since the first day I saw you.”
“There’s never been anyone but you.” Jensen reminds him, snuggling closer, ever mindful of Jeff’s injured arm. Jeff’s well aware that he was Jensen’s first and has been his only. He knows he needs to take better care of him, that he’s allowed Jensen to be unhappy for too long.
“I’ve been selfish, haven’t I?” Jeff sighs. “Keeping you to myself has just meant you’ve missed out on things.”
“I like being with you.” Jensen starts to protest.
“I know.” Jeff’s not the insecure one, he’s never doubted Jensen’s love or loyalty. He’s never needed to. “But you were just a kid and I…I took over your life without thinking. You know, if you want to go back to school, or get a job…” Jeff would really prefer the former. “We can look into that.”
“I told you I wanted to go to college.” Jensen says quietly. “You laughed at me.”
“I didn’t think you were serious.” Jeff could kick himself. Wishes Jared was in the room to do it for him. He’s been a lousy boyfriend and if getting shot was all it took for him to realise how lucky he is to have Jensen then he’d do it all over again tomorrow. “I’m sorry, baby. If you want to go to school we can make it happen. We can start right now.”
“You need to rest.” Jensen argues. “I bet the doctors wanted to keep you longer.”
“Yeah, but I knew you’d be worried.”
“You’re not pinning this on me when Sam yells at you.” Jensen shakes his head. “And you know she will.” Their private physician was a formidable woman. Jensen has seen her reduce Jared to stuttering apologies and he didn’t think anything could cow that man. Even Chris is afraid of her.
“She always takes your side.” Jeff sighs, letting Jensen help him lie down.
“That’s because I’m always right.” Jensen announces, removing Jeff’s shoes. “Are you ok, do you need any medication?”
“Sterling’s got it.” Jeff shrugs with his uninjured shoulder. “I just want to sleep now.”
“Ok.” Jensen kisses his cheek. “So sleep.”
“Stay with me.” Jeff requests, pulling Jensen down next to him. He knows he has a lot of work to do, to make things up to Jensen, but there’s no time like the present to start.
“Always.” Jensen promises, taking a shaky breath and lying next to Jeff, tucking his head under Jeff’s chin and resting on his uninjured shoulder.
Title: A shot of clarity
Pairing: JDM/JA
Summary: Being a billionaire is dangerous - Jeff gets shot and Jensen has to deal. Jared's just along for the ride.
“Jared, you’re on babysitting duty.” Singer barks at him. “The Princess wants to go shopping.” Jared just grins while the others laugh at him. He doesn’t mind getting this detail, as far as he’s concerned chaperoning Jensen is better than sitting in a board room listening to Jeff hash out contract negotiations.
He finds Jensen waiting impatiently for him in the foyer. “Oh, good. It’s you.” Jensen grins and hands over the car keys. “We’re taking the Porsche.”
“The new one?” Jared asks. Jeff only bought the Porsche a few months ago, it usually takes longer than that for him to get bored of his new toys.
“Yep.” Jensen grins. “I thought they were going to send Chris. He sucks at shopping.”
“I’m not there to help you make fashion choices.” Chris drawls, suddenly coming up behind them.
“Good job, isn’t it?” Jensen replies archly. “You wouldn’t know style if it walked up and hit you in the face.”
“It’d be the last thing style ever did.” Chris growls. Jensen looks supremely unimpressed.
“We’re taking the Porsche.” Jared grins at Chris, swinging the keys. Jensen doesn’t like driving, but he likes to travel in style and the rest of the guards all agree that getting Jensen detail at least means they’ll get to drive some seriously hot cars. Jeff prefers to drive himself around. Chris looks a little put out that he isn’t going to be the first one of the staff to drive Jeff’s new baby.
“You need to be back by 3.” He informs Jared. “Jensen has to attend some gala with Jeff tomorrow and they’re going out for dinner with the head of the charity commission tonight.”
“Is that why we’re shopping?” Jared asks Jensen as Chris stalks off to take care of whatever detail he’s been assigned.
“We’re shopping because I don’t have anything else to do.” Jensen replies, Jared’s pretty sure he’s only imagining the bitterness in his tone.
Jared’s worked for Jeffrey Dean Morgan for almost two years now. It’s not exactly what he thought he’d be doing with his life but things have turned out pretty well. He joined the army straight out of school, despite his mother begging him not to, but he left after five years because he couldn’t stand any more time in the desert, watching his friends die for a war he’s not sure he believes in. When he was discharged he wasn’t sure what to do. Thought about joining the police but one of his old sergeants had told him being a body guard paid better. He’d given him the name of Kripke Security Services and six months later Jared had been on his first job. Touring with some pampered pop princess had not been his idea of a good time, even if he did see more of the world that way than he had in the army. His next assignment had been as part of Morgan’s private security force and he’d never looked back. The other guards teased him that working in the pop industry was probably why he coped so well with Jensen.
Jensen is…well, officially he’s Jeff’s partner. His boyfriend. Unofficially he’s his kept boy. Jared actually really likes him. He’s spoiled and pampered, but then most billionaires’ boyfriends probably are. What Jared hadn’t expected was the sarcastic sense of humour and dry wit that Jensen possesses. He thinks most of the guards don’t understand Jensen’s humour, don’t try to look past the pretty packaging to what’s underneath. Chris, despite his bickering with him, actually gets on pretty well with Jensen, so it’s usually him or Jared that gets Jensen detail.
“You’re coming to the gala tomorrow.” Jensen informs him, as they step out of the car. Jared hands the keys to the valet, sweeping his eyes around the area carefully. There are a few people looking at them, but they did just arrive in a Porsche and neither he nor Jensen is inconspicuous. Jared’s too tall and Jensen’s too good looking for them to pass by unnoticed. Jared nods his agreement, at a high profile event like that there will be more than the usual one or two guards present. “Jeff said to buy you a new suit.”
“He did?” Jared frowns.
“Yep.” Jensen nods, dragging him into Armani. “He doesn’t want you wearing your KSS suits, wants you to be a bit less noticeable.” Jensen grins at him suddenly. “Although how he thinks anyone could miss your giant ass I don’t know.” Jared glares, pretending to turn and check out his ass.
“I’ll have you know my ass is in perfect proportion.” He grins when Jensen cracks up. Jared likes making him laugh, he’s too serious most of the time. Someone comes up to help them and Jared spends the next hour being groped and poked until they find a suit that fits him.
“You’re lucky we had something in store, Mr Ackles.” The manager tells Jensen. “We don’t generally stock things for people as tall as your friend.” Jensen just smiles prettily and hands over his American Express. “The alterations will be finished by tomorrow and we’ll deliver it to your home.”
“Jackass.” Jensen says as they leave the store. “Singer knew we were coming, he would have called ahead and told them to get something in. Let’s get lunch.” Jensen drags him to a little bistro and makes him order two main courses. “Don’t want you complaining that you’re hungry.” He grins. Jared’s glad when the food arrives and the portions are miniscule.
Jensen buys some shoes and some books, makes Jared spend ages standing around while he looks at cushion covers and then decides he doesn’t want any. They make it home by quarter past 3 and Singer’s waiting in the foyer for them.
“Kane told you to be back by 3, Padalecki.” Singer growls.
“It’s my fault.” Jensen breezes past him, taking his bags from Jared. “I got caught up. Jeff!” He rushes up the stairs calling Jeff’s name and disappears down the hallway.
“C’mon.” Jared grins at his boss. “15 minutes late. That’s got to be a record with Jensen. He was there when Chris told me what time to be back.” Jensen is notoriously difficult to get to return home unless he wants to.
“Any trouble?” Singer asks as they walk together to the back of the house.
“None.” Jared confirms. They’ve been having some disturbing letters appearing over the last few weeks. They’re not exactly direct threats but they’ve got Jeff upset because they seem to be directed at Jensen, who knows nothing about them. “How come he let him go shopping?” Jared asks. They’ve practically had Jensen under house arrest for the last few weeks, for his own protection. Obviously since Jensen doesn’t know about the letters he just thinks they’re all being difficult.
“He threw a spectacular tantrum apparently.” Singer shrugs. “I told Jeff to just explain to him but he wouldn’t. We got another letter today. While you were out.” Jared suddenly understands why Singer was so upset that they were late.
“We’re still going to the Gala?” He asks.
“Yep. Increased security. Do not leave Jensen’s side, I don’t care what kind of tantrum he throws.”
“Yes, sir.” Jared might not be in the army anymore but he knows a direct order when he hears it.
He gets back to the house at 3 the next day, as instructed, so he can get ready for the Gala. Jensen’s waiting for him in the bedroom Singer sends him to, holding up the suit.
“It arrived this morning.” Jensen says when Jared steps into the room, he takes Jared’s bag to look at his shoes and obviously decides they’re acceptable because he hands them back.
“What did you do today?” Jared asks, it’s weird sometimes to remember that Jensen isn’t supposed to leave the house without security.
“Got a manicure and a hair cut.” Jensen shrugs. Jared nods, Jensen keeps his hair short, he gets it cut every few weeks and Jared pities the guy who had to sit with him in the hair parlour. Chris is coming to the Gala tonight so he knows it wasn’t him, which is a good thing because it always puts him in a bad mood. “Do you know where Jeff is today?” Jensen asks, Jared thinks it’s meant to sound nonchalant but his tone sounds forced.
“Board said he’s at the office.” Jared shrugs. The board in the security room has codes which tell them the basic location of the people they’re protecting, mostly Jensen and Jeff, and who is on protection detail. “Justin’s with him. Should be back soon to get ready. He didn’t tell you he was working?”
“Yeah. I must have forgotten.” Jensen shrugs. Jared worries about Jensen. He’s pretty sure that he’s unhappy, no matter how pampered and spoiled he is; it’s not the first time he’s asked about Jeff and Jared has to wonder if the two of them ever talk. He’s usually assigned to protect Jensen but he’s spent enough time with Jeff, and some time with the two of them together, to know that Jeff adores Jensen and the feeling’s mutual.
The Gala’s pretty boring. He can’t drink anything, or talk to anyone. Just has to follow Jensen around all night. At least Jensen’s making it pretty easy, hanging off Jeff’s arm and smiling prettily at everyone, glaring at the occasional deb. that dares to stand too close to Jeff. Sterling’s on Jeff’s other side, looking menacing as usual.
Jared watches Jensen take another glass of orange juice from a passing waiter and resigns himself to the fact that there’s going to be a trip to the bathroom in his near future. He sees Sterling’s eyes widen at the same time as the sees the red dot centred on Jeff’s chest.
“Get down!” He grabs Jensen by the shoulder and drags him to the floor, knocking the glass of orange juice all over them both in the process. The shot rings out as they hit the floor and Jared’s sure Jensen’s been hit by the agonised noise he makes. Jensen fights out of his hold, surprising strength in his lean frame, and Jared realises it’s Jeff that’s been hit.
“Jeff.” Jensen’s by his side now.
“Get him out of here.” Jeff growls at Jared who nods immediately, practically picking Jensen up. Jensen fights him all the way and it’s only when Chris joins him that they manage to wrestle him out of the gala and into the car.
“What’s going on?” Jensen’s shaking and angry and Jared doesn’t blame him. “My hands…” Jensen holds his hands out, they’re covered in Jeff’s blood.
“Shit.” Jared uses his jacket to try and scrub the blood from Jensen’s hands, seeing how close he is to going into shock.
“Are we going to the hospital?” Jensen’s voice is quiet.
“No.” Chris replies brusquely. “We’re going to the safe house.”
“I want to see Jeff.”
“He’s going to the hospital.”
“So take me there.” Jensen’s not used to being told no.
“Jensen.” Jared interrupts softly. “Jeff’s going to be fine. He was talking, you heard him.”
“He got shot.” Jensen replies. “Jared, he got shot.”
“Hey.” Jared squeezes Jensen’s hands to bring him back down from the panic he seems to be getting lost in. “It was a shoulder wound. He’ll be fine. Right now we need to get you somewhere safe, Jeff will come soon.”
“I want to see him.”
“I know, but it’s not possible right now. When we get to the safe house I’ll call Singer and see what he says.”
“Why did someone shoot him?” Jensen asks, sounding shattered.
“He’s a high profile figure and there are a lot of crazies out there.” Jared lets Jensen lean into him as the car speeds down the highway. “Did you get hurt?” Jared asks after a moment. “When I pulled you down…”
“No.” Jensen shakes his head. “Are you sure we can’t go see Jeff?”
“No.” Chris snaps. “For once in your life listen when people are trying to tell you what’s good for you.”
“Hey.” Jared interrupts. “Don’t talk to him like that, he has every right to want to see Jeff. Besides, Jeff’ll be pissed if he hears you yelled at him.” Chris just shakes his head and puts his foot down a little harder. Jared lets it go, Chris had argued as hard as him that it wasn’t fair on Jensen when these plans had been put in place, but in the end Jeff’s word was law and he wanted Jensen taking somewhere safe. That was their priority. “We’ll get the doctor to come and see you, anyway.” He turns back to Jensen. “Just to be sure. Maybe he’ll give you something to help you sleep.”
“I don’t want to sleep.” Jared’s never heard Jensen sound quite so vulnerable. “I want to see Jeff. What if he…What if…”
“He’s fine.” Jared reassures him again. “We’ll call Sterling when we get to the house.”
“He’ll need surgery to get the bullet out, even if getting shot doesn’t kill him the surgery might.” There’s a rising note of panic in Jensen’s voice again.
“He’s going to be fine.” Jared tells Jensen firmly. “Absolutely fine.”
They arrive at the house then, met by another security team from KSS and the man himself.
“Mr Ackles.” Eric greets Jensen who looks at him in bewilderment. “Eric Kripke.” He holds out his hand but Jensen shrinks back into Jared.
“My hands are covered in blood.” He tells Jared.
“I’m going to take Jensen in to wash up.” Jared tells his boss. “He says he’s not hurt but can you get the doctor out here anyway, I think he might be in shock.” Jared would have liked to have the doctor waiting for them when they arrived but he’d left his cellphone behind as per procedure. They couldn’t risk someone using the GPS chip to track them.
“Of course.” Kripke nods.
“Do we have an update on Jeff yet?” Chris asks.
“He’s stable. It was a clean through and through.”
“Hear that, Jensen?” Jared asks, leading him into the house and up the stairs. “No surgery required.”
“When can I see him?” Jensen asks. Jared’s about to respond when he realises Kripke is following them.
“Hopefully he’ll be released tomorrow and then he’ll be brought straight here.”
“I want to be kept updated.” It’s clear that Jensen means that to sound authoritative but it actually sounds like a plea.
“Of course.” Kripke nods. He hands Jared a gun, which he tucks into the waist band of his pants.
“What do you need that for?” Jensen asks when they’re in the bathroom. Jared fills the sink with water and helps Jensen wash his hands, not wanting the older man to burn himself. He doesn’t think Jensen would even notice at the moment. “Why do you need a gun?” He demands when Jared doesn’t answer straight away.
“To protect you.” Jared replies. “To protect us.”
“This is supposed to be the safe house.”
“It is.” Jared assures him. “This place is like Fort Knox, nothing and no one can get in, or out, of this place unnoticed. It’s just a precaution.”
“I don’t like guns.”
“I know.” Jared sighs. Jensen has made his feelings about guns perfectly clear, several times over. By the time Jensen’s satisfied that his hands are clean and they’ve both changed out of their suits into something less restrictive the doctor has arrived. Jared stays with Jensen, despite the doctor’s protestations, they can’t be too careful just then.
Dr Ferris is Jensen’s private physician and she manages to convince him to take something to help him sleep, after satisfying herself that he doesn’t have a concussion or any other minor injury. Jared’s pretty sure that if Jensen were injured at all he’d be playing it up so he could go to the hospital and see Jeff.
“Get some rest.” Kripke advises. Jared does that, sinking down into an armchair by Jensen’s bed. He knows there’s a guard outside the door and others patrolling the grounds but he’s not happy to leave Jensen alone just now. He falls asleep with his gun in his hand.
“Can you put that away?” Jensen’s voice jerks him out his sleep a few hours later. “It’s making me nervous.”
“Sure.” Jared tucks the gun away and rubs at his eyes. The good thing about being in the army was that you learned how to sleep anywhere, so even after a few hours Jared feels rested. “Sleep well?”
“I always do when I’ve been drugged.” Jensen snaps. In the time he’s worked for Jeff and Jensen, if Jared has only learned one thing it’s that Jensen Ackles is never pleasant before his first cup of coffee.
“Coffee?” Jared asks. Jensen nods and then disappears into the bathroom. Jared opens the door and grins at the gun Chris has pulled on him. “You want to keep that better hidden?” He asks. “You know how Jensen feels about them.”
“Yeah? How does he feel about getting taken out because we’re not quick enough to shoot back because I’m hiding my gun from his delicate eyes?” It’s pretty obvious Chris hasn’t had much sleep.
“He wants coffee.” Jared replies.
“I’ll get some brought up. Think he’ll eat anything?”
“Get some fruit and toast.” Jared nods. Jensen probably won’t eat much but he might pick at something. Jared changes quickly while Jensen’s still showering, glad that Kripke insisted everyone had a stash of clothes at the safe house. The coffee arrives and he’s got it fixed just as Jensen likes by the time Jensen emerges from the bathroom, towelling his hair dry.
“Did I do that?” He asks after inhaling his first cup of coffee.
“Do what?” Jared asks, fixing him another.
“Your face.” Jensen replies. Jared frowns and turns to the mirror, seeing the dark bruise spreading from under his eye across his cheekbone. When he thinks about it he does vaguely remember getting an elbow to the face in Jensen’s struggle to get to Jeff.
“Don’t worry about it.” He grins. “You hit like a girl.”
“Whatever.” Jensen smiles a little, sipping his coffee and shredding a piece of toast. Jared would be pleased, except he’s pretty sure most of it’s still on the plate, just in smaller pieces. Still, he watches Jensen eat a few strawberries and pieces of melon, which is better than nothing.
“Can I call the hospital and speak to Jeff?” Jensen asks quietly.
“I don’t think so.” Jared shakes his head. “I’ll ask Kripke but I’m pretty sure he’ll say no.”
“What’s going on?” Jensen demands. “Why do I have clothes here? And why was there so much security at the Gala last night?”
“You have clothes here because this is the KSS safe house.” Jared explains calmly. “Jeff probably packed them for you ages ago. How would you notice a few things missing from your closet? I could go missing in your closet and it would take weeks and a search party to find me.”
“Shut up.” Jensen doesn’t look amused.
“There’s been a couple of threats.” Jared replies. He thinks Jensen should have been told before now, really, but Jeff had wanted to keep him sheltered.
“So why did we go to the stupid gala?” Jensen asks, the coffee doesn’t seem to have had its usual effect and he looks drained and irritated. “Why didn’t we just stay home?”
“Jeff felt it was an important event. He asked you to stay home.” Jared reminds him.
“This is why…This is why he’s not been taking me anywhere?” Jensen asks suddenly. “Why he’s been leaving me at home when he goes places?”
“Yes. He wanted to keep you safe.”
“He’s an absolute bastard!”
“Jensen!” Jared’s never heard Jensen speak badly of Jeff. Ever.
“I thought he was cheating on me, Jared.” Jensen replies, his eyes flashing. “Oh, god. That would have been so much better than him getting shot.” Jensen slumps back down onto the bed and Jared moves to sit next to him, rubbing a hand over his back carefully. He’s well aware that he’s probably too close to Jensen, that he doesn’t maintain a professional distance, and hasn’t for a long time. It’s not something that bothers him, he’s secure in his ability to protect Jensen from any threat. Besides, Jeff keeps Jensen so sheltered, he doesn’t go out much, doesn’t seem to have many friends. If he can make Jensen’s life a little bit less lonely, he’s more than happy to try.
“Jeff wouldn’t cheat on you.” Jared soothes. “You know that.”
“What was I supposed to think?” Jensen asks. “All of a sudden I’m not allowed to go on any business trips with him, barely allowed to leave the grounds, even with security. Everyone was whispering around me.” Jensen shakes his head. “I’m not a child. Why did no one tell me?”
“We wanted to keep you safe.” Jared wants to apologise but it wasn’t his fault. He’d tried to talk Jeff around, to get him to tell Jensen, and so had Chris. But none of them had realised how miserable Jensen was.
“I’m not a child.” Jensen repeats. “We had a fight yesterday.” He admits. “Because he didn’t want me to go shopping. Didn’t want to take me to the Gala. He could have died and I would have been mad at him.”
“He didn’t die.” Jared corrects. “He’s absolutely fine.”
“He got shot!”
“He’ll be ok.” Jared promises. “Give it a couple of weeks, some therapy. He’ll be good as new.”
“I never saw anyone get shot before.”
“It doesn’t get any easier.” Jared admits, trying not to let his mind wander back to Iraq. “No matter how many times you see it. Hopefully you won’t ever have to see it again.”
“He could have died.” Jensen’s voice sounds choked. “And I wouldn’t have anything. Just…nothing.”
“I’m sure you’re provided for in his will.” Jared replies.
“That’s what you think I’m upset about?” Jensen demands, looking outraged. It fades quickly to sadness. “I guess you would think that.”
“Jensen…”
“No.” Jensen interrupts before he can apologise. “Why would you think anything different?” Jensen asks, shaking his head softly. “I know what you guys all say about me. That I’m spoiled, that I throw tantrums…”
“No, I…”
“Maybe not you.” Jensen acquiesces. “You’re too nice for your own good. But the rest of them? That’s what they think about me. Maybe they’re right. It wasn’t always like this. I wasn’t always like this.” Jared just waits, he’s pretty sure Jensen hasn’t finished talking yet. Jensen doesn’t talk much most of the time, he laughs and jokes, passes comment on things but the words are mostly empty. Jared feels like for the first time since he met Jensen he’s actually being allowed to see past the mask. “You know I’ve been with Jeff since I was 18?”
“12 years?” Jared asks. Jensen was 30 a few months earlier. Jared had been given a week off, to visit his parents, because Jeff had taken Jensen to a private Island in the Caribbean and security wasn’t required. “I didn’t realise it was that long.” He knew Jeff and Jensen had been together for a long time, but not that long. When he thinks about it, there are some pictures of the two of them around the house where Jeff doesn’t look much different but Jensen looks a lot younger. Jared hadn’t given it much thought, Jensen has a different hairstyle in those pictures and he’d assumed that was what made him look so young.
“Our anniversary’s in September.” Jensen nods. “I grew up in Texas. Dallas. My parents were pretty religious. Probably still are, I haven’t seen them for a long time.” He shrugs. “I told them I was gay when I was 16.”
“Did they throw you out?” Jared asks.
“No.” Jensen shakes his head with a smile. “They tried to fix me. I tried so hard to be what they wanted. I didn’t want to go to hell. It didn’t work though, and when I was 18 I left school. Moved to San Francisco because I figured if I was going to fit in anywhere, that was the place, right?” He sighs. “I was so young. So naïve. How I didn’t end up dead I have no idea. I didn’t have much money, no job to come to.”
“How did you meet Jeff?” Jared asks.
“I got a job working at a coffee shop in the city. It wasn’t much but it paid the rent and that was all I needed. I’d been working there for a few weeks and he came in to get a coffee one day. Then the next and the next. I figured he was a regular, but the people I worked with said they didn’t recognise him. Eventually he asked me out.” Jensen smiles and Jared stays silent, not wanting to interrupt what’s obviously a pleasant memory. “He was just…Well you know Jeff.” Jensen grins a little. “He was so confident. He wasn’t ashamed of his sexuality, he had friends who loved him and he was successful. God…I just…I just wanted to be around him. To try and soak up some of his confidence. I didn’t…I didn’t even know what he did.”
“Really?” Jared can’t help but ask. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is a very wealthy man, but he guesses if Jensen had a sheltered upbringing in Texas he might not have known who he was. Jared only knew of him because his father was an accountant and had had dealings with JDM companies in the past.
“I knew he did something in business.” Jensen shrugs. “He told me he had his own company but I didn’t know he was a billionaire.” He smiles a little. “We’d been dating for six months and he asked me to move in with him. I hated my apartment and my roommate was a freak and…Like I said, I just wanted to be with him. After a while he said I should quit my job because what’s the point of living with the richest man in the city if you’re just going to carry on being a barista? I thought he was embarrassed by me and I didn’t want that so I quit.”
Jared really doubts Jeff was embarrassed, but he can see how Jensen might have drawn that conclusion. He hadn’t realised that Jensen was so insecure but the vulnerability is pouring off him now.
“After that it was like…I guess I just started to turn into what you guys say I am. His kept boy. I know he works hard. I know he’s driven, it’s one of the things that drew me to him in the first place. I’m not really that ambitious, I admire that in him. But lately…Lately it’s just like the only way I can get his attention is by racking up his credit card bills, or spreading my legs and half the time he’s too busy even for that.” Jensen adds bitterly, shaking his head as if to clear it. Jared wishes he knew how to comfort him but this is the longest he’s ever heard Jensen speak and he’s not sure what to do with all the information.
“One day he’s going to wake up and see me. Really see me. And then he’ll realise that I’m not the person he thinks I am.” Jensen isn’t looking at Jared, and he can’t help but be glad because he doesn’t think he could see the expression on Jensen’s face without crying. “I don’t have an education or a job, I don’t really even have any friends of my own. I’m not smart, I’m not talented and I’m not going to look like this forever. One day he’s going to wake up and realise he can have anyone he wants and I’m just…I’m just nobody.”
“Is that what you think?” Jared’s hand settles on the gun at his waist band at the sound of the gruff voice from the doorway before his mind catches up and he realises it’s Jeff. Jared stands up, making the decision to leave the two of them alone, he steps into the hallway and closes the door behind him.
“Are you ok?” Jensen asks, swiping at his eyes and sitting up straighter. “Sit down.” Jeff looks pale but other than that, and the sling holding his left arm steady, he looks fine. He turns liquid dark eyes on Jensen.
“Is that what you think?” He asks again, lifting his right hand to cup Jensen’s face. “You think after all these years I’m just going to kick you out?”
“I don’t know why you’d keep me.”
“Because I love you.” Jeff replies, catching Jensen’s eye when he tries to look away. “I thought you knew that.”
“You don’t say it.” Jensen sighs. “You don’t ever say it, and you don’t let me say it either.” The only time Jensen can get away with telling Jeff he loves him is when the older man is asleep. Otherwise he shushes him, or kisses him, anything to shut him up.
“I don’t need to hear it to know it’s true.” Jeff sighs, letting his hand drop to stroke Jensen’s lips. “But maybe you do and I should have realised that.”
“I don’t expect you to say it all the time.” Jensen shakes his head. “Just sometimes. Not even when other people are there…”
“You think I don’t want people to know I love you?” Jeff interrupts. “Jesus, Jensen, I’d shout it from the rooftops. I love you. I’ve loved you since the first time I took you on a date. Since the first time I heard you laugh. I didn’t realise you were so unhappy.”
“It wasn’t always like this.” Jensen repeats what he’d said to Jared. “It’s just that…lately you’ve been so busy. You don’t talk to me anymore. You don’t listen to me either. You just throw cash at me and hope I’ll go away.”
“No, Jensen…”
“That’s how it feels!” Jensen insists. “I don’t need money. If you lost it all tomorrow I’d get a job sweeping the streets, I don’t even care about that. I just want to be with you. I want you to talk to me like you used to. I want you to want to spend time with me without me demanding it.” Jensen finally lets the tears fall. Tears he’s been suppressing for God only knows how long.
“Jen.” Jeff swipes the tears away with his thumb.
“I just want you to want to be with me.” Jensen sobs. “Like I want to be with you.”
“I do.” Jeff pulls him close, not caring about the way it pulls his shoulder. “God, Jensen. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He kisses him, softly at first but then a little harder, until Jensen opens up beneath him and lets him in. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that you’re nobody.” He shakes Jensen’s shoulder a little. “You hear me? You’re everything and if anybody ever makes you feel that way again you tell Jared to kick their ass.” Jeff’s pretty sure Jared would do it.
“Even if it’s you?”
“Especially if it’s me.” Jeff agrees with a smile. “I love you, Jen. You mean the world to me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about the letters?” Jensen asks, letting his hand drift to Jeff’s sling and away again.
“I wanted to keep you safe.” Jeff replies, hoping Jensen can see he’s being honest.
“That’s not fair. I thought…I thought you were cheating on me.”
“Jensen.” Sometimes Jeff forgets that the man he lives with is the same insecure, inexperienced, boy he met all those years ago. “There hasn’t been anyone else since the first day I saw you.”
“There’s never been anyone but you.” Jensen reminds him, snuggling closer, ever mindful of Jeff’s injured arm. Jeff’s well aware that he was Jensen’s first and has been his only. He knows he needs to take better care of him, that he’s allowed Jensen to be unhappy for too long.
“I’ve been selfish, haven’t I?” Jeff sighs. “Keeping you to myself has just meant you’ve missed out on things.”
“I like being with you.” Jensen starts to protest.
“I know.” Jeff’s not the insecure one, he’s never doubted Jensen’s love or loyalty. He’s never needed to. “But you were just a kid and I…I took over your life without thinking. You know, if you want to go back to school, or get a job…” Jeff would really prefer the former. “We can look into that.”
“I told you I wanted to go to college.” Jensen says quietly. “You laughed at me.”
“I didn’t think you were serious.” Jeff could kick himself. Wishes Jared was in the room to do it for him. He’s been a lousy boyfriend and if getting shot was all it took for him to realise how lucky he is to have Jensen then he’d do it all over again tomorrow. “I’m sorry, baby. If you want to go to school we can make it happen. We can start right now.”
“You need to rest.” Jensen argues. “I bet the doctors wanted to keep you longer.”
“Yeah, but I knew you’d be worried.”
“You’re not pinning this on me when Sam yells at you.” Jensen shakes his head. “And you know she will.” Their private physician was a formidable woman. Jensen has seen her reduce Jared to stuttering apologies and he didn’t think anything could cow that man. Even Chris is afraid of her.
“She always takes your side.” Jeff sighs, letting Jensen help him lie down.
“That’s because I’m always right.” Jensen announces, removing Jeff’s shoes. “Are you ok, do you need any medication?”
“Sterling’s got it.” Jeff shrugs with his uninjured shoulder. “I just want to sleep now.”
“Ok.” Jensen kisses his cheek. “So sleep.”
“Stay with me.” Jeff requests, pulling Jensen down next to him. He knows he has a lot of work to do, to make things up to Jensen, but there’s no time like the present to start.
“Always.” Jensen promises, taking a shaky breath and lying next to Jeff, tucking his head under Jeff’s chin and resting on his uninjured shoulder.