Over the Tuesday
I oddly like this song. Of course, I can't find lyrics, but it just sounds good. :)
Tomorrow I'm spending the night at my boyfriend's house. I haven't spent the night anywhere in what seems like ages. It must have been our graduation parties, at least, such as Kelley's and Tina's, since I have. I was just thinking. People would spend the night at my house a lot. Not just because I had a lacking curfew that could be tacked onto themselves if they needed to not have a parent screaming at them for staying out too late, but also because I had a big bed, and various forms of entertainment that did not have to include cards (although it did from time to time). The last time I saw Adrienne, she spent the night at my house just so she wouldn't have to be at home.
But that's not really what I was thinking about. Instead, I was thinking about... See, Adrienne always liked to draw and sketch and doodle and whatnot. She had a journal-sized sketchbook for such things. I remember this because she drew me sleeping once, because I apparently sleep in the most commonly conceived position, or at least I did then. But anyway. She could draw or write whatever in this little art-journal. I think it was pretty neat.
Where am I going with this? Well, I wish that I had something like that, but I don't think I could feasibly do it. I'm too much of an obsessive-comulsive organizer. I have an LJ, but I don't feel comfortable posting my writing ideas and exxercises in ehre, nor am i comfortable talking about some things here. So lately it's just been about what I have done and flocked-to-the-boyfriend posts conversing with him. I can't take my LJ with me, I can't just use it as a idea storage place, but I don't use half of my other little notebooks for such things either.
I wish I could. I keep notes all over the damn place: notes for writing, notes for doing things, notes for helping myself choose what to eat, and even notes to help me play my game. I have notebooks full of ideas that are isolated and thus unused. I have many files of exercise-spawned ideas that I do nothing about because I can't facilitate where things should go or come from. I don't write in my private journal very often. And I barely ever seem to write in my idea book anymore, despite having lots of them. My need for structure has made expressing myself difficult.
I just wish I had some place where I can do all of these things. Where I can think privately, where I can keep all of my notes, where I can write out my ideas without worrying about structure, where I can explore the world around me as I experience it (rather than go through it all and think at the same time, "Now, what's going to go into my post about this?").
Also, I'm a moron. I want to be able to call myself a moron without having to worry about people "coming to my rescue". I want to be able to be stupid, or irrational, or unreasonable, or silly, without worrying about what others think. I just wish I could find this ideal private place.
Tomorrow I'm spending the night at my boyfriend's house. I haven't spent the night anywhere in what seems like ages. It must have been our graduation parties, at least, such as Kelley's and Tina's, since I have. I was just thinking. People would spend the night at my house a lot. Not just because I had a lacking curfew that could be tacked onto themselves if they needed to not have a parent screaming at them for staying out too late, but also because I had a big bed, and various forms of entertainment that did not have to include cards (although it did from time to time). The last time I saw Adrienne, she spent the night at my house just so she wouldn't have to be at home.
But that's not really what I was thinking about. Instead, I was thinking about... See, Adrienne always liked to draw and sketch and doodle and whatnot. She had a journal-sized sketchbook for such things. I remember this because she drew me sleeping once, because I apparently sleep in the most commonly conceived position, or at least I did then. But anyway. She could draw or write whatever in this little art-journal. I think it was pretty neat.
Where am I going with this? Well, I wish that I had something like that, but I don't think I could feasibly do it. I'm too much of an obsessive-comulsive organizer. I have an LJ, but I don't feel comfortable posting my writing ideas and exxercises in ehre, nor am i comfortable talking about some things here. So lately it's just been about what I have done and flocked-to-the-boyfriend posts conversing with him. I can't take my LJ with me, I can't just use it as a idea storage place, but I don't use half of my other little notebooks for such things either.
I wish I could. I keep notes all over the damn place: notes for writing, notes for doing things, notes for helping myself choose what to eat, and even notes to help me play my game. I have notebooks full of ideas that are isolated and thus unused. I have many files of exercise-spawned ideas that I do nothing about because I can't facilitate where things should go or come from. I don't write in my private journal very often. And I barely ever seem to write in my idea book anymore, despite having lots of them. My need for structure has made expressing myself difficult.
I just wish I had some place where I can do all of these things. Where I can think privately, where I can keep all of my notes, where I can write out my ideas without worrying about structure, where I can explore the world around me as I experience it (rather than go through it all and think at the same time, "Now, what's going to go into my post about this?").
Also, I'm a moron. I want to be able to call myself a moron without having to worry about people "coming to my rescue". I want to be able to be stupid, or irrational, or unreasonable, or silly, without worrying about what others think. I just wish I could find this ideal private place.