the begining of a long line of obligitory self indulgent depressed posts...
Can anyone please explain to me why it is that right after I figure out how to fix things in my life when I can visualize it when I am starting to feel relieved, that is always when everything blows up in my face? I mean Ill be miserable for months or even years, then I’ll come up with a realistic, (non-escapist), means of achieving it, I’ll put my energy into doing that and then boom it’s all shattered and I have to try to get to that same fucking point again… why the hell should I even continue to bother dealing with tabby issues, it only serves to make me feel even worse then when I start. Honestly maybe I need to just resign myself to having a life of naught but pain and skip the small breaks in between. I am so tired of dealing with things that don’t kill me but supposedly make me stronger, reality check those things do not make me fucking stronger they just continue to tap into what little fucking strength I have left. Also I wailed today for 45 minutes in an apartment full of people and not one fucking one of them have come by to see if I you know broke my fucking leg or something… WTF?