Return
Title: Return
Pairing: Jinda
Rating: PG-15
Summary: Jin comes back
A.N: I've had a lot of confusion posting this... I hope it works this time ^^. I don't actually think Jin has (had) no contact with KT-TUN while in America, it's just for the purpose of the story. Hope you enjoy!
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To say I was a nervous wreak would be an understatement. I was freaking out. About to faint. Practically hyperventilating. The works.
And what was worse, I really shouldn't be. I really shouldn't be acting like a lovestruck school girl. Or a newly wed awaiting her husband's return. From a war. Or something.
I mean jeez. It was just Akanishi Back from L.A. Again. Nothing special. Right?
So why couldn't I calm my beating heart?
Kame had insisted on all of us meeting him at the airport. Why, I had no clue. He said something about "member ai", bonding, band love, whatnot, but I hadn't really been paying attention at that point. My brain had shut down the moment Kame had walked into the dressing room that morning and announced Akanishi was coming back.
The first phone call in... months. And to spring his return on us too.
That bastard.
So no, I was not in the best of shapes as we all piled into the large van that would take us to the airport. I ended up sitting next to Koki, which was completely fine by me. At least it wasn't Kame. At least I wouldn't be tempted to ask him what it was like.
The phone call.
If it was awkward to talk. Or nice to hear him. Or--
I needed to stop doing that.
Instead of dwelling on thoughts that I shouldn't, I focused instead on staying conscious and getting air in my lungs at a reasonable pace.
I tried not to think about the inevitable meeting. About if he would remember what had happened before he left. If he would remember me in that way...
No! Stop that thought Ueda! Don't even go there! Completely not necess--
"Ueda?"
A voice cut through my frantic thoughts and my head shot up. Koki was staring at me, a concerned look on his face.
"Wh-what...?" I asked, cursing my voice for sounding so uncertain, and high pitched and girly.
"You feelin' okay?"
I nodded. Blinked at him. "Wh... why?"
He shrugged. "You just look a bit high strung. And," he pointed to my lap, "your hands are shaking like hell."
I crossed my arms, tucking my hands away, out of sight. No need to worry Koki any more. No need to make him suspect anything. "It's nothing."
He pursed his lips, but the look I shot him was successful in him dropping the subject and turning away to talk to Maru.
I wished I could to. But I was way too freaked out to trust myself.
I closed my eyes, letting the motion of the van and my band mates' voices around me soothe me. Koki's slight touch next to me - his shoulder next to mine, his leg following mine - was calming and familiar. Unlike the touch of... someone else.
A touch I hadn't felt in what seemed like years. A touch I ached for.
The ride to the airport was way too long, and yet not nearly long enough. Part of me couldn't stand sitting in this cramped car with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company, unable to react normally with the others. But another part dreaded, rejected, screamed not to arrive. But all to soon (and yet not soon enough) we were parking, getting out, walking through the doors.
Kame said the terminal was that way. I followed, caught between my feet, heavy with dread and the irresistible pull.
To him.
I shoved my still trembling hands deep in the pockets of my jeans and hid my face at Junno's back. Junno was tall. He would keep me hidden. Safe.
My forehead accidentally bumped him as he faltered for a moment, and he turned.
"Uepi? You alright?" Junno's eyes were wide and trusting. I wished I could be like that.
I nodded again, forced a smile.
He frowned slightly - part of me pained at that wrong action; Junno wasn't meant to frown - and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "It's okay! It'll be good to see Akanishi again, nee?"
He smiled cheerfully but I winced at the name and bit my lip. "Sure, Junno."
Concern flashed in his eyes again. I nodded towards the others.
"We should join them."
Junno gave my shoulders a last squeeze before bounding forward, puppy-like to the rest of the group.
I so envied Junno. So happy, so carefree, so naive. He'd never felt a weight like this on his shoulders.
I followed him, a bit less enthusiastically and tried not to scan the crowd for a bushy dark head.
And failed.
Was he just expecting Kame? Or no one? How would he react to seeing all of us? How would he react to seeing me?
I stood a little off from the group, but close enough that Junno would block me from view. The rest of them seemed cheerful enough, if not a bit awkward. Kame seemed excited, as did Junno. Maru was pretty nonchalant and Koki had a few choice things to say about the situation (not unlike what I was thinking actually) but otherwise seemed relaxed.
I stood silent, thoughts clouding my mind, trying not to seem like I was looking too hard. and at the same time trying to keep my feet from leading be away.
And finally, after what seemed like hours though it couldn't have been too long, I heard Kame's cry of "There, there!"
And sure enough, there he was. Long dark hair swept back into a high ponytail, large sunglasses perched on his face, jacket slung casually over one shoulder, as he - there was no other word for it - sauntered off the plane.
My breath hitched, my mind whirled. He was every bit as attractive as when he'd left. The deliberate sway of his hips, the casual swipe of his tongue across his mouth, all of it. I longed to charge at him and throw myself into his arms. But my feet were glued to the floor.
When he saw all of us waiting for him a slow grin spread across his face and my heart squeezed painfully. How I'd missed that cocky bastard smile.
He started towards us, weaving throughout the crowd and I realized I was hyperventilating again.
I didn't know if I could do it. Face him again, after all that had happened. All the days, weeks... nights.... when we'd been together. When I would hold him and he'd whisper sweet nothings in my ears. When he'd told me he was leaving. When we'd fought.
And I'd never apologized. And he'd never apologized. Never called, never wrote. Nothing.
I was ready to bolt any second, but Kame strode up and grabbed his arm, pulling him over towards us. He hugged Kame first, like best friends should and made some sort of comment. I didn't hear the actual words, but I heard his voice.
I think my heart almost stopped. I know my breathing did.
Kame laughed and shoved him playfully. They exchanged a few more words, then Koki, presumably feeling left out, lunged forward to pull him into a gangster style handshake/hug thing. He laughed at that (my heart stopped again and my foot inched back a bit) and said something probably about Koki's hair because he reached up to touch it. Koki made some remark about his own hair back and he moved on to Nakamaru. One step closer. One less person.
My foot moved back a bit more.
Nakamaru attempted a formal handshake and bow until he cursed loudly and pulled him into a hug. Maru seemed surprised at first, and then he smiled sincerely and hugged him back.
He was close enough now that I could hear actual words.
"Still the same, Big Nose? Haven't gone and changed on me have you?" he asked playfully, earning himself a smack to the shoulder and an indignant "Oi!" from Nakamaru. But Maru smiled anyways.
They all made it look so damn easy.
When he turned to Junno, I scooted farther back, blocking myself from his view. I didn't actually see how Junno greeted him, but I heard his enthusiastic "Welcome back from the red west of America!" (typical, I thought dazedly) and heard his smooth reply, "I've missed even your jokes, Taguchi" with an almost smile in his voice.
Junno laughed heartily and then, betrayer that he was, stepped aside. "Uepi, say hi to Jin!"
But I... I couldn't. I just stood, pathetically looking at my sneakers. I couldn't bring myself to raise my eyes. I wanted to run, get away, be anywhere but right there.
I bit my lip, fighting emotion.
There was a sigh above my head and a clunking noise and then a pair of boots entered my vision.
He stood for a moment, presumably looking down at me.
But I didn't look back up.
I saw the fabric of his T-shirt shift and suddenly his warm, strong fingers were curling around my chin, tilting my head up.
I was breathless.
He had removed his sunglasses some time ago and my vision was filled with his dark brown eyes, staring at me, uncharacteristically focused for the normally Bakanishi.
His expression was unreadable but intense as he looked at me; all I could do was blink back at him, wordless.
I didn't know whether to cry or run or hug the living daylights out of him. I was frozen, a statue. He pursed his lips thoughtfully, still holding my chin in a firm grip. I would have fought but something in his eyes kept me from doing so.
And then, he pulled me forward at the same time that he moved and with a flick of his wrist to tilt my head back a few more degrees, his lips were on mine. Hot and firm, and just a bit rough, so... so like he used to.
I tried to pull back but his free arm snaked around my waist, pulling me against his broad chest. My lips parted in surprise and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue into my mouth. That familiar heat, the taste, his roughness that was somehow gentle...
My legs buckled; I had to grab his shoulders to keep from falling. His hand tightened on my chin, forcing me to open wider so he could deepen the kiss.
And as my senses were overloaded with him, the smell of his clothes, the sound of his breath, the feel of his skin, my own body betrayed me and I let out a low desperate moan.
He chucked against my lips and finally pulled back. I stumbled a bit, breathless and dizzy, my emotions confused but intense. He released my chin to steady, both hands on my hips.
Finally. Without him holding me prisoner in those warm, strong arm-- ahem. I could finally do what I'd been dying to do since he left.
I pulled back, looked up long enough to see his confusion, then drew back my hand and struck him across the face. Hard.
His head snapped sideways as the others gasped and cried out.
"Oh my gosh!" (Kame, probably)
"Uepi!" (Junno, most likely)
"Dude what the hell?!" (Koki, obviously)
I ignored them, the rage I'd felt for months boiling to the surface. "That's for leaving!" I hissed angrily. "That's for disappearing without any warning, any indication of coming back! That's for the missed album and concert! That's for running off letting us deal with everything you left behind, all your messes we had to clean up, all the rumors that we were splitting up!"
My anger built up even more as my hands curled into fists at my sides. I realized that I was yelling. And I didn’t care.
"That's for making me worried sick about your sorry ass, day and night, waiting for a call or even a text or something to reassure myself you were still alive; crying myself to sleep every night and killing myself in training, every punch and bruise and bloodied knuckle your fault; practically starving myself because I couldn't eat because I was worried about you! That's for EVERYTHING!!"
I screamed the last word at him and fell silent, breathing hard. All the rage, all the worry, it just poured out of me like a channel. I didn't care that we were in public, I didn't care that the rest of the band was watching us with expressions that ranged from apprehensive to disapproving as I threw my little temper tantrum. I didn't care.
I had to yell at him, had to make him try to understand what I'd gone through in his absence. I expected him to get angry, yell back, fight me like he usually would. But he just stood, uncharacteristically silent, head bowed as I screamed at him. And when I had finished, he raised his head and looked at me, eyes pleading and yet... understanding.
"Don't even bother trying to apologize," I snarled, voice and hands shaking in fury. I swear I saw Junno flinch.
"I wish you'd let me though," he whispered and his eyes were so sad… I almost wavered...
But NO. I would NOT give him that satisfaction. Not while I was so pissed and he had just left and... and... oh screw it.
I grabbed his shoulders, pulling him to me and crushed my lips against his. It was my turn to shove my tongue into his mouth and make him breathless and moaning and I didn't back down until he was thoroughly oxygen deprived, panting, face flushed.
My touch on his shoulders softened, arms sliding more gently around his neck, our foreheads pressing together. I felt his hands at my waist, and even after all that, he was still the one holding me up.
"That's for coming back," I whispered.
He pulled me into a tight hug and I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I clung to him like a life support, crying out every worry, every pain, every goddamn-little-thing and he held me and whispered soothingly in my ear, stroking my hair, even rocking softly.
I tried to choke out how glad I was that hie was back, and how much I'd missed him-- but he just hushed me and told me it wasn't worth it and held me tighter.
"Jin..."
My Jin.
He was back...