(no subject)
Bloody hell. It's been a bitch of a week.
Actually, only 2 things really happened, but that was quite enough.
Last Saturday before the lan, Shell, the chick who the first entry of this lj was about ( I think, not going to check) told me that she had a serious crush (god I hate that word) on me back when I was trying to get with her (kinda) and everyone else knew and I didn't. Problem is that she's in some sort of bona-fide relationship now. This totally, utterly fucked me up. What a fucking pisser.
Then, today I finally got to talk to her again (were I verified that she is, in fact, w/ this whoever dude), but we ended up at the Chi... and guess which hellspawn turned up? Yup.
I quite wanted to die.
This shit does actually piss me off such a huge amount. It's just such fucking bullshit that while some people are actually enjoying things, I just can't catch a fucking break. And the fact that all I can do is complain about that (and there are a hell of a lot of people who can and will point out that this acheives nothing -- having overlooked that NOTHING ELSE ACHIEVES ANYTHING EITHER) is even more annoying.
I'm basically weaving between anger and misery, mixed with a dismal exhaustion (from having this shit on my mind 24 hours a day for 6 days, plus... the rest of my fucking life).
I swear, all relationship advice ever given to me is complete crap. People who have good relationships with people think, mistakenly, that they know why this is and will dispense it as advice. They don't know but I do: It's RANDOM. Mother fuckers. I expect in decaying radioactive isotopes, emitted particles tell unstablem molecules that "all you have to do is".
Fuck them, and the fucking radionucleotides.
My feelings are inexpressible. The above does not even begin to explain.
Actually, only 2 things really happened, but that was quite enough.
Last Saturday before the lan, Shell, the chick who the first entry of this lj was about ( I think, not going to check) told me that she had a serious crush (god I hate that word) on me back when I was trying to get with her (kinda) and everyone else knew and I didn't. Problem is that she's in some sort of bona-fide relationship now. This totally, utterly fucked me up. What a fucking pisser.
Then, today I finally got to talk to her again (were I verified that she is, in fact, w/ this whoever dude), but we ended up at the Chi... and guess which hellspawn turned up? Yup.
I quite wanted to die.
This shit does actually piss me off such a huge amount. It's just such fucking bullshit that while some people are actually enjoying things, I just can't catch a fucking break. And the fact that all I can do is complain about that (and there are a hell of a lot of people who can and will point out that this acheives nothing -- having overlooked that NOTHING ELSE ACHIEVES ANYTHING EITHER) is even more annoying.
I'm basically weaving between anger and misery, mixed with a dismal exhaustion (from having this shit on my mind 24 hours a day for 6 days, plus... the rest of my fucking life).
I swear, all relationship advice ever given to me is complete crap. People who have good relationships with people think, mistakenly, that they know why this is and will dispense it as advice. They don't know but I do: It's RANDOM. Mother fuckers. I expect in decaying radioactive isotopes, emitted particles tell unstablem molecules that "all you have to do is".
Fuck them, and the fucking radionucleotides.
My feelings are inexpressible. The above does not even begin to explain.