(no subject)
So ne ways i've been on this rant lately about me wanting to find me. Me being single and wanting to be single. Well i'll start wit somethign that paolo posted. I've been sayin i wanna be single cuz i wanna find out who i am. See the thing is i know who i am. I think that's the reason why i can sit there and seem like i have no emotions at all on certain topics but that's just cuz i hvae alot of self control. I can control what i know and what i do know is me. He stated that u have to know urself to be strong and a relationship will make u stronger. If u don't have the base of strength to start u off when u lose the other crutch u were using to build off of it all crumbles and ur left wit less than u started off with.
But ne ways what i'm stating there is paolo opened my eyes in that aspect where i'm not gonna turn down a relationship because i just wanna be single for myself but i'm gonna go out and enjoy life. Just be myself and if oportunities arise then good for them. At the same time i'm not gonna be like certain ppl out there that live for relationships and go seeking them. Very happy about that one.
Now for the rest of it all would be that..... Well lindsay made a comment to maggie sayin that i'd need a rebound bitch cuz of christina and me not being over her. Well the thing is it's kinda true. I wasn't really over her. Inno i just hated thinkin certain thigns about her and wondered what i was really feeling. I wasn't sure if i loved her or if i didn't. I'm gonna say that ya i did love her. I'm gonna have to be brutaly honest and say one of the main reasons was because she was my first. But ne ways on wednesday i was really confused on what to do cuz well christina tripped on me and started goin on her rant. She said alot of things that would normally crush me and make me feel bad. There were also times where she tried to kiss me and i turned away. The reason being for all this was i didn't wanna confuse myself for what i was tryin to figure out on my own. What i was tryin to figure out was do i miss her cuz it's her or did i miss her for someone to hold and other reasons.
Well in the past few dayz i've been hearing alot of shit from her. She's been tellin me more and more about what's been happening wit her since i've been gone and i've learned a few thigns about her such as she smokes again now. Just things like that, that make me go further and further away from liking her the way i did. Some of the guys she talks about and tellin me all the time that she meets new guys and before it used to bug me and bother me. Well she told me about some guys recently such as giving terrance her number and other guys hittin on her and well her moving on basically. See in a way she did some things that i would really be pissed off about and today i saw her after workin at fords and she told me she still loves me and wants to be wit me but their just words to me. There's no feeling there and i'm just happy i'm 100% over her and it took me till now to do that. It's been 3 months now and i know finally i can move on.
Ne ways taht's why i'm soo happy. I can't honestly say i've ever been totally over someone like this before. Well for melissa there was nothing to get over. For steph wasn't really over her till recently and that's bad cuz it took like 3 fuckin years to get over. As for mimi that's an untouchable subject where i'm not gettin over just forgettin.
So i'm moving on and a few steps closer to gettin my life the way i want it to be. I'm ranting now and gonna confuse alot of ppl but meh i know what i'm tryin to say!
But ne ways what i'm stating there is paolo opened my eyes in that aspect where i'm not gonna turn down a relationship because i just wanna be single for myself but i'm gonna go out and enjoy life. Just be myself and if oportunities arise then good for them. At the same time i'm not gonna be like certain ppl out there that live for relationships and go seeking them. Very happy about that one.
Now for the rest of it all would be that..... Well lindsay made a comment to maggie sayin that i'd need a rebound bitch cuz of christina and me not being over her. Well the thing is it's kinda true. I wasn't really over her. Inno i just hated thinkin certain thigns about her and wondered what i was really feeling. I wasn't sure if i loved her or if i didn't. I'm gonna say that ya i did love her. I'm gonna have to be brutaly honest and say one of the main reasons was because she was my first. But ne ways on wednesday i was really confused on what to do cuz well christina tripped on me and started goin on her rant. She said alot of things that would normally crush me and make me feel bad. There were also times where she tried to kiss me and i turned away. The reason being for all this was i didn't wanna confuse myself for what i was tryin to figure out on my own. What i was tryin to figure out was do i miss her cuz it's her or did i miss her for someone to hold and other reasons.
Well in the past few dayz i've been hearing alot of shit from her. She's been tellin me more and more about what's been happening wit her since i've been gone and i've learned a few thigns about her such as she smokes again now. Just things like that, that make me go further and further away from liking her the way i did. Some of the guys she talks about and tellin me all the time that she meets new guys and before it used to bug me and bother me. Well she told me about some guys recently such as giving terrance her number and other guys hittin on her and well her moving on basically. See in a way she did some things that i would really be pissed off about and today i saw her after workin at fords and she told me she still loves me and wants to be wit me but their just words to me. There's no feeling there and i'm just happy i'm 100% over her and it took me till now to do that. It's been 3 months now and i know finally i can move on.
Ne ways taht's why i'm soo happy. I can't honestly say i've ever been totally over someone like this before. Well for melissa there was nothing to get over. For steph wasn't really over her till recently and that's bad cuz it took like 3 fuckin years to get over. As for mimi that's an untouchable subject where i'm not gettin over just forgettin.
So i'm moving on and a few steps closer to gettin my life the way i want it to be. I'm ranting now and gonna confuse alot of ppl but meh i know what i'm tryin to say!