i i i i i i i i me me me meeeemo

[t_slice]

I'm not saying its bad, all im saying is that i miss the idea of having fun with eachother without having to hide behind the beer bottles and clouds of smoke that are parents are so good at ..i thought we were better than that..i'm not saying its bad...im just saying i miss being inspired to be better than i am...it seems i often know people in the begginings of their journeys and by the time they are where Ineed them to be...i dont know them anymore. I miss samantha, she is in boston for a day and i cant see her. I miss pete. I miss. I am happy. Ive been dissapointed by many but stopped dissapointing myself..im doing it...im inspiring myself...and making hard choices, i need to be where i am...im trying. Im in a professional play and at a professional school....i dont miss being 'just a kid' right now. But i miss being creative and raw and vulnerable...naked, sober, unique.

when i try and think back
past genocides, mass heart attacks
momentary lapse
blink back
before fallen angels in earths mud
before diamonds recycled with blood
think back, blink back
to first man, a plan, dis
eased temptation, infectual
growing on skin like burnt cheese
bubbles like plagues, blisters
new meanings in jesus, try to please us
flew with temple gods
hold your flashes no applause
you say i am
mean
you say i am
sour since you left me once
you say im
a pill
you say i treat you like a coin operated boy bought at the corner store
but as i lay here, all i am all i can be
is yours
sexy bods like teenage thoughts of
anorexic shopping malls
godless, mindless suburban sprawl-future
on its hands and knees
with all-talk ethics and split beliefs
that scar our morals and break our teeth
off like a bandaid
a bubble gum lip smack
slaves to the poets whip crack
pray
when we fall from the one
we wall into her lap.