(no subject)
I got a lot of issues. I am so different from society. Im 16 years old and I’ve never smoked a cigarette. I hate them. I hate them so much. I HATE alcohol. I’ve never tried it. I wont ever try it. I really, really, really, hate alcohol. NOTHING good comes out of it except for that inebriation. I just get fired up when I see people drinking. I don’t say anything but god I hate it. I REALLY hate underage drinking. It bothers me so much when I see people my own age drinking. Like ariana for example. She likes it. I just cringe thinking about her getting drunk, or anybody else at that matter. She’s been drinking for so long too. That really bothers me. Ryan has started it too. I knew he would somewhere around this time but I hate seeing it. I can’t change it. Alcohol has been around me forever. My mom offered me some when I was younger but I turned it down. Oh god mom…she has a drinking problem. She has no limit. Her “one” beer is a 24 oz can. She usually has about 3 or 4. I just want to hit her every time I see her drink. My uncle john has a drinking problem too. So does my cousin Noley. Its really bad, but he’s still so very awesome. I’ve never tried any kind of drug either. I know a lot of people my age that have though. It’s kind of depressing. I lost my childhood friend to drugs and alcohol. Me and her were so tight. I haven’t been that close until Ariana and Matt came along. My relationship with ari is so much deeper than the one I have with Matt, and I wouldn’t change that for the world. She has changed my life so much. I love her to death and I would do just about anything for her. But there are times where I feel so alone. Im like the only person in the world who hasn’t done those things. I don’t understand why I haven’t. My life has been so crappy; it’s amazing I haven’t done it. There have been times where I wanted too, but I stayed strong. I don’t know why, but I’ve been wanting to shoot up heroin. It’s really strange to me. For the last 6-8 months I’ve been wanting to hurt my self in different ways. For a while it was cutting myself. That one stayed with me for a while. Then I had images of a bat striking me at the side of my head. Then there was me being hung on a cross. The large cone shaped spikes would pierce through my chest and I would just scream with agony. Another one was me being suffocated. These tentacles would grab my arms and legs. Another tentacle would wrap around my ribs and another one would grab my neck. They would raise me into the air and squeeze me. One was breaking my ribs while one was strangling me. I haven’t been having them as much. I just want to leave this place. I don’t want to take anything with me. I just want to drop everything and leave. I really need to get out of here but I cant. I really think I should go to Northwest. I think that would be good for me. I’ll talk to dad about it during the summer. I don’t want to do it during the school year. I would miss too much. But I do want to go.