(no subject)
god i am so freaking depressed. all i did today was sleep and did my laundry (much later in the day). i laid around in my bed all day, but then i started to feel dirty so i took a bath. it was a nice bath, except it left me alone with my thoughts, which i did not like because it made me more depressed. i eventually took a nap during the bath. it was nice. but lately i've been having more dreams of me and ari. they're unpleasant but short. after i got out of the bath i threw on some clothes and went back to sleep. i almost didnt eat today. i didnt want too. i just didnt have the stomach for it today. i just wanted to stay down. thats the funny thing about depression. it takes away all your energy and strength. i HATE this feeling. not the depression, oh no. its mainly the hurt. the whole drugs and alcohol shit just depresses me. and everytime i hear or have heard ari doing it, it hurts me. everytime i feel like i've been punched in the stomach. it may sound stupid or whatever, but its how i feel. im tired of this pain. i really am. i dont know what to do. its not like im gonna stop being friends with her. i love her to death. i would do just about anything for her. and it would hurt me even more if we stopped being friends. but i cant keep enduring this pain. i dont want her hiding it from me either. i've had enough people do that to me. that'll just make me distrust her. so im in a dilema. im just gonna go to bed.