Coming to terms with my summertime...
hmmm...what a weird feeling. I feel very unclose to the people I normally am so close to. And I find myself drifting toward people who are familiar, but do not hold reminders of any emotional or situational drama. I guess that's what happens when you come back to town, you get a chance to reconnect. There have been a few people that i've always been friends with that have somehow been brought back into my life...I think it's a way of telling me that maybe for now I need to get out of the cycle that was pulling me down. I really LOVED loved my past year since graduation. I have had an absolute blast. But really, that is all it has been. One big party. I have not bettered myself as a person, minus the few times that I have had to learn major lessons after making major mistakes that have been emotionally and physically dangerous. But right now I feel like i am in a place where I can finally break out of myself and my reputation and my past a little bit. And honestly, it has nothing to do with regret or discontent with the way things have gone. Just a feeling of moving up to a different level in life. Because I really feel like dispite all the mishaps and mistakes, I have been so fortunate to find merrimack and have it feel like home and find friends that are like family. At the same time, I'm here in Plymouth now, and I have a lot of catching up to do before I can go back to that place and feel like I am ready to start my life as a sophomore in college rather than continue on as Tanya Ray Fox freshman year Round 2. If that makes sense...
So yeah I guess what I'm saying is that I have realized that in order for me to do that, my life right now has to be about finding what and who i am OUTSIDE of just what I was for the past year. Or else it will always just be round 2, right? And as much as it saddens me to not be able to stay in touch with people that I really love and miss, I know that they are also people that are associate with the lifestyle I am trying to break free from, so I just have to be my own person for a few monthes and then let my relationships fall into their natural places. I know there are going to be people who wont be the same friends that they used to be when I am not around as much, when I am working all the time, when I am not the party animal, when I don't drink, and when I need constant support of this change. This summer is not necssarily about me becoming a new person, because I've realized that I will always be a party girl* haha but it's about me catching up pn the growth and maturity and responsibilty that comes with college and being out on my own. Once I've caught up, ill be able to let loose again. Not freshman year of college loose!, but definately Tanya Ray.
ANyways, it's good to have some refreshing things going on for the summer to remind me that it may be the same old town, but it's a new time. New job, new coworkers, new friends, old friends with new meaning and a new place outside of plymouth that I call home, a place that I'd love to go back to...
*Tan*
So yeah I guess what I'm saying is that I have realized that in order for me to do that, my life right now has to be about finding what and who i am OUTSIDE of just what I was for the past year. Or else it will always just be round 2, right? And as much as it saddens me to not be able to stay in touch with people that I really love and miss, I know that they are also people that are associate with the lifestyle I am trying to break free from, so I just have to be my own person for a few monthes and then let my relationships fall into their natural places. I know there are going to be people who wont be the same friends that they used to be when I am not around as much, when I am working all the time, when I am not the party animal, when I don't drink, and when I need constant support of this change. This summer is not necssarily about me becoming a new person, because I've realized that I will always be a party girl* haha but it's about me catching up pn the growth and maturity and responsibilty that comes with college and being out on my own. Once I've caught up, ill be able to let loose again. Not freshman year of college loose!, but definately Tanya Ray.
ANyways, it's good to have some refreshing things going on for the summer to remind me that it may be the same old town, but it's a new time. New job, new coworkers, new friends, old friends with new meaning and a new place outside of plymouth that I call home, a place that I'd love to go back to...
*Tan*