This may not be any of my business but you probably shouldn't be harsh and call people mean things on the internet. I know things have been shitty in relation to you living situation and you're fed up and frusterated, but it's still not nice to put mean things on an lj post where people can see it. It's probably embarassing and degrading for Jess to be protrayed that way.
I'm remaining neutral with the circumstances that have created this situation and made it nasty. I am not intending to be-little, insult, or by any means attempting to 'bitch anyone out'. I'm just suggesting that since you are both responsible in some manner or another for the way this turned out and bad-talking won't repair anything. It only makes matters worse.
I know that both you and Jess have done and said some mean shit to eachother for whatever reasons you guys believe you have, but as a person who knows and cares about both of you separately (and because I'm studying to be a mediator and this is what I feel I am good at) I have to interrupt this madness and say that it doesn't fucking matter who did or said what or who started or perpetuated things...just understand that BOTH of you are just acting this way out of frusteration, anger and dissapointments. No one is any more justified than the other to be pissed off and making insults and stabs at one another is just kind of childish.
You will soon be living apart, so you're both getting what you ultimately want...why be petty over the details of a final decision and a done deal when it isn't achieving anything.
And as a side note you guys should really look at figuring out your boundaries with people and get your acts together in terms of how you cope with and adapt to living situation or the next person you live with will eventually turn out to be a shitty roomate too.
Anyway I'm sorry if I sound preachy or whatever, but I just hate it when people are so hostile towards eachother for essientially nothing. You shouldn't blame eachother for how shitty living with eachother was but share in the responsibilty for the fact that you guys simply were not compatible roomates. End of story.
Take care and think about it, harbouring hate does nothing for you when it ends up eating you inside out in the longrun.
ah i had a really long thing typed then my internet screwed up and this got refresed and i lost it . .
the main gist was :
we have been extremely childish in dealing with this, the wholet hing was so uncomfortable i think it felt as it it would be accomplishing SOMETHING to react in some way instead of leaving it be and just calmly moving on our seperate ways - but all we got was a bigger mess. i can honestly say i'm embarrassed by some of my actions, and ashamed of some words that i've said. i don't like to backtrack and say "sorry i didn't mean them" , because i try not to say it unless i DO mean it. but feelings change, and because i meant those things at the time doesn't mean i'll stand by it forever. i certainly don't HATE jess, and i do wish her the best in her life - dave is good for her, and she's doing well with her work, and that's great - it's just easy to get blinded by my immediate feelings about the SITUATION, and to take them out on whoever is involved. i'm not trying to make that sound ok, i'm just acknowledging that's how it is.
anyway, i should know by the 14th who is taking the room for sure, and that will take a lot of stress off the situation (more so for jess as she will be able to stop worrying about her name being on the lease here).
don't worry about sounding preachy or anything - honest unbiased input is hard to find - and therefore much appreciated. i really don't know what to say about any of it anymore - so the smart thing to do is probably just shut up about it all.
i'm sorry for the stress that's been put on everyone around us.
I'm remaining neutral with the circumstances that have created this situation and made it nasty. I am not intending to be-little, insult, or by any means attempting to 'bitch anyone out'. I'm just suggesting that since you are both responsible in some manner or another for the way this turned out and bad-talking won't repair anything. It only makes matters worse.
I know that both you and Jess have done and said some mean shit to eachother for whatever reasons you guys believe you have, but as a person who knows and cares about both of you separately (and because I'm studying to be a mediator and this is what I feel I am good at) I have to interrupt this madness and say that it doesn't fucking matter who did or said what or who started or perpetuated things...just understand that BOTH of you are just acting this way out of frusteration, anger and dissapointments. No one is any more justified than the other to be pissed off and making insults and stabs at one another is just kind of childish.
You will soon be living apart, so you're both getting what you ultimately want...why be petty over the details of a final decision and a done deal when it isn't achieving anything.
And as a side note you guys should really look at figuring out your boundaries with people and get your acts together in terms of how you cope with and adapt to living situation or the next person you live with will eventually turn out to be a shitty roomate too.
Anyway I'm sorry if I sound preachy or whatever, but I just hate it when people are so hostile towards eachother for essientially nothing. You shouldn't blame eachother for how shitty living with eachother was but share in the responsibilty for the fact that you guys simply were not compatible roomates. End of story.
Take care and think about it, harbouring hate does nothing for you when it ends up eating you inside out in the longrun.
Nicole
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the main gist was :
we have been extremely childish in dealing with this, the wholet hing was so uncomfortable i think it felt as it it would be accomplishing SOMETHING to react in some way instead of leaving it be and just calmly moving on our seperate ways - but all we got was a bigger mess. i can honestly say i'm embarrassed by some of my actions, and ashamed of some words that i've said. i don't like to backtrack and say "sorry i didn't mean them" , because i try not to say it unless i DO mean it. but feelings change, and because i meant those things at the time doesn't mean i'll stand by it forever. i certainly don't HATE jess, and i do wish her the best in her life - dave is good for her, and she's doing well with her work, and that's great - it's just easy to get blinded by my immediate feelings about the SITUATION, and to take them out on whoever is involved. i'm not trying to make that sound ok, i'm just acknowledging that's how it is.
anyway, i should know by the 14th who is taking the room for sure, and that will take a lot of stress off the situation (more so for jess as she will be able to stop worrying about her name being on the lease here).
don't worry about sounding preachy or anything - honest unbiased input is hard to find - and therefore much appreciated.
i really don't know what to say about any of it anymore - so the smart thing to do is probably just shut up about it all.
i'm sorry for the stress that's been put on everyone around us.
- joyce
Reply
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