"Baby, why you always trynna diss me when I just want to kiss you....?"

[t_natalia]

this morning on my way to work while waiting for the bus there was a cute guy and we smiled at each other. then while i waiting for the skytrain, i happend to look up and he was watching me, i thought he was going to look away after i caught him looking at me, but he didn't. then...when i got on the skytrain there was nowhere to sit, so i had to stand and he came and stood right beside me. it took him about 2 stations before he started talking to me, but it wasn't a flowing conversations, there were long awkward pauses. his name is eric. he's 23. he's spanish. he lives in surrey (duh). he works, but doesnt go to school. he wanted me to hang out with him after work tonight. he wants me to see a movie with him (preferrably an action movie). he asked me for my number and i being a retard gave it to him. i think he might have called me today from his work and i think he also sent me a text msg. i dont know how i feel about this. i dont know what i'm doing. i dont know what i want. he was cute this morning i swear and i fantasized about kissing him, but when i really think about it, and i mean really, really think about it, i dont really want anything to do with him. ouch. i know.

why does this have to be awkward? why can't meeting a guy or dating a guy be easy? why do i have to think so much? why do i always ruin a good thing? why can't i be happy? why can't i just have someone? why does it have to be so much work....? why am i afraid of commitment? i so badly want the relationship, but god knows i can't handle them. i'd rather hook up with some random guy every once and a while and be done with it....i just couldn't be bothered with anything more than that. i hate how things get complicated and confusing.

argh.

i'm hopeless and lonely.