I need some advice!!!
Here's the situation (I'll try to summarize as best as I can):
A friend of mine is also pregnant (just 6 weeks behind me), and she found out about a month ago through ultrasound that her baby boy has a severe cleft pallate and lip. This means that she will not be able to breastfeed, but use specialized bottles and pump her milk. He will undergo at least 2 major surgeries before he is even a year old. I absolutely agree with her decision to exclusively pump due to the extremely beneficial qualities of breast milk over formula (there is NO formula on the market today that can give the same benefits and antibodies as BM). He will need all of the best nutrition and bacteria-fighting agents that he can get. Good. We're in complete agreement here.
Now for the fun part...Wednesday night she approached me with a HUGE favor. IF she can not produce enough milk to feed her baby, or any at all, would I give her my milk? (I will be exclusively breast feeding as well). She preempted the question will lots of praise about how well I take care of myself and she wouldn't want to have to get BM donations from strangers through the various organizations set up for this kind of situation. Before I knew it, I told her that I would do it as long as I was able to provide enough for my own baby. I didn't think this through at all before telling her that. She really put me on the spot, and for some reason I felt that I needed to answer right away (stupid stupid!).
I talked to Jonny about it that night. He could see where the conversation was heading, and before I could even tell him what she asked, he said "We are NOT giving her our baby's milk!" Then he proceeded to bring up the same very good points that two other friends of mine did when I told them about it. I'm going to be a new mom trying to juggle a newborn (who usually feeds about every two hours), taking care of the house, myself and our pets, AND attempting to return to my freelance work (I told my clients I'd be taking at least 6 weeks maternity leave...hopefully returning right about when she has her baby). I will be under enough stress as it is without adding the pressure of trying to provide milk for someone else's baby...I would be pumping ALL of the time!
Also important to note, we are not the close friends that we used to be. I won't go into details (because they are loooong), but I've been waiting for the proverbial hammer to fall that finally breaks this friendship. If it were my friend Jessica, there wouldn't be any hesitation. I would absolutely do it for her.
So my dilema: Do I go ahead and tell her that I've changed my mind now that I've had a chance to think it through? (I would be tactful about it). Knowing her, this could end the friendship on the spot...messily. OR do I not worry about it now because this is a hypothetical situation after all and it may never occur? IF it does happen, at that time I could use my "out" that I am only able to provide enough for my own baby (regardless of the truth). This latter scenario would save hurt feelings on her end, but I am still frustrated because our friendship has become all about her and her drama. She is one of the most self-absorbed people I've ever met (she wasn't nearly this bad when we were first friends). I think it's obvious that I wouldn't be heartbroken if the friendship ended. At this point I'm along for the ride because I already have so much invested in it emotionally...at least I'm guessing that's why I'm still here!
Any advice/input/comments on this bizarre situation would be greatly appreciated.
A friend of mine is also pregnant (just 6 weeks behind me), and she found out about a month ago through ultrasound that her baby boy has a severe cleft pallate and lip. This means that she will not be able to breastfeed, but use specialized bottles and pump her milk. He will undergo at least 2 major surgeries before he is even a year old. I absolutely agree with her decision to exclusively pump due to the extremely beneficial qualities of breast milk over formula (there is NO formula on the market today that can give the same benefits and antibodies as BM). He will need all of the best nutrition and bacteria-fighting agents that he can get. Good. We're in complete agreement here.
Now for the fun part...Wednesday night she approached me with a HUGE favor. IF she can not produce enough milk to feed her baby, or any at all, would I give her my milk? (I will be exclusively breast feeding as well). She preempted the question will lots of praise about how well I take care of myself and she wouldn't want to have to get BM donations from strangers through the various organizations set up for this kind of situation. Before I knew it, I told her that I would do it as long as I was able to provide enough for my own baby. I didn't think this through at all before telling her that. She really put me on the spot, and for some reason I felt that I needed to answer right away (stupid stupid!).
I talked to Jonny about it that night. He could see where the conversation was heading, and before I could even tell him what she asked, he said "We are NOT giving her our baby's milk!" Then he proceeded to bring up the same very good points that two other friends of mine did when I told them about it. I'm going to be a new mom trying to juggle a newborn (who usually feeds about every two hours), taking care of the house, myself and our pets, AND attempting to return to my freelance work (I told my clients I'd be taking at least 6 weeks maternity leave...hopefully returning right about when she has her baby). I will be under enough stress as it is without adding the pressure of trying to provide milk for someone else's baby...I would be pumping ALL of the time!
Also important to note, we are not the close friends that we used to be. I won't go into details (because they are loooong), but I've been waiting for the proverbial hammer to fall that finally breaks this friendship. If it were my friend Jessica, there wouldn't be any hesitation. I would absolutely do it for her.
So my dilema: Do I go ahead and tell her that I've changed my mind now that I've had a chance to think it through? (I would be tactful about it). Knowing her, this could end the friendship on the spot...messily. OR do I not worry about it now because this is a hypothetical situation after all and it may never occur? IF it does happen, at that time I could use my "out" that I am only able to provide enough for my own baby (regardless of the truth). This latter scenario would save hurt feelings on her end, but I am still frustrated because our friendship has become all about her and her drama. She is one of the most self-absorbed people I've ever met (she wasn't nearly this bad when we were first friends). I think it's obvious that I wouldn't be heartbroken if the friendship ended. At this point I'm along for the ride because I already have so much invested in it emotionally...at least I'm guessing that's why I'm still here!
Any advice/input/comments on this bizarre situation would be greatly appreciated.