An Ode to my Aunt
They say, "Funerals are more for the living than for the dead". I never really understood that before attending my favorite Aunt's funeral the other day. I'd like to talk about that and the one positive thing I learned about Catholicism.
My Aunt was awesome. I loved her. Everybody loved her. Even people who only met her a couple of times loved her. The best term I can think of to describe her is "warm". She was a warm person. She made everyone feel good somehow. She could joke around and just act like a kid at times. Or she could give you really good advice. And she had a really funny way of telling people to "shut up" or "give it up"--in a warm way, so that no one got offended. And instead of swearing she'd say, "Good Lord, save a duck," which never really made any sense, but whatever.
A lot of people came to the funeral parlor for the showing. Everyone was telling stories and trying not to cry. After an hour or so a single nun appeared out of nowhere and gathered everyone together to say a few prayers. I wanted to punch this club-footed cunt in the fucking face. She started off her "prayers" with a minor tribute to my Aunt, and then immediately switched the topic to Jesus and how we all needed to pray for my Aunt's sins. Pray for my Aunt's sins? Are you FUCKING kidding me? What should've been clear to everyone in that funeral parlor was that my Aunt was a far better person than Jesus ever could've been. I was enraged at how few good things were said about my Aunt in comparison to the barrage of bullshit about Jesus.
And then it hit me. This could be the "good" that I've heard so much about in religion: religion distracts people from the pain in their lives. While the buck-toothed cunt of a nun told us a bedtime story of a baby boy who grew up and "rose from the dead", I found myself thinking less and less about my Aunt. And if you don't think the pain, the pain goes away--at least for a little while.
I bet we all would've reminisced until the sun came up--we had so much to say about Her. I think we actually needed someone to step in and say, "Ok, time's up. Move on. Give it up." Sure, I was very pissed when I was told to move on. But I think overall it helped.
The same thing happened at the funeral the next day. Several people were "called on" to "help out" in minor bullshit ways. There were 6 Paul Bearers, 2 bible readers, and 2 people were called on to "bring the gifts to the alter" (the gifts being, of course, the wine and Jesus crackers). I watched all of these participants very closely. They were all close family members. And they were all kinda young. And during the short time they performed their meaningless tasks, none of them cried. They couldn't; they were too busy with their all important "whatever". They were positively distracted from their grief.
The same thing happened towards the end of the mass, when members of the immediate family were asked to help "dress" the casket (and by dress, I mean put a big stupid white sheet over it for a few minutes). They were asked, "Could you do this for Her?" How could they refuse? And thus they were tricked into thinking that some small action of theirs could somehow help the deceased in some unknown way. They were distracted--in a positive way.
The entire mass was one big distraction. Two passages were read from The Big Book That Can Be Made To Say Whatever You Want It To Say. I'll talk about those passages in a second. The repetitive sitting and standing and kneeling were all minor distractions. The songs, the eating of the Jesus Crackers, the holding and then shaking of each other's hands--all minor distractions. And throughout the mass I couldn't stay focused on the death of my Aunt for more than a few moments. I was too busy moving and watching the show. I was positively distracted the entire time. I cried the least during the mass.
This is the "good" that I see in Catholicism. Time will heal your inner wounds. Memories will fade, and the pain will fade with them. But until that pain starts to subside, you need to do _something_ to get your mind off of the shock of it all. And pointless antiquated rituals are certainly one way of doing that. And the more you can do "in the name" or "in the honor" of your loved one, the better you're going to feel. (Hence my writing of this on LJ, I suppose.) :)
Divine Substitution
I hadn't been to a Catholic mass in awhile and I forgot how repetitious it was. I lost count, but I think the "resurrection of Jesus" was mentioned at least 20 times in one hour. That's amazing.
What I learned was... if the entire mass was just a distraction (to help ease the pain we experience in life), then if you just replace a few words that they're saying, it all makes sense (in a good way) for non-believers. Just replace the words "God", "Lord", and "Savior" with words like "Emptiness", "Nothing", or "Void" -- and it'll all make sense. I swear!
For example, when the priest says: "Let us all give thanks and praise to almighty God Absolutely No One, in memory of the recently departed." Yes. Let us all gather together and give praise and adulation for no real reason (other than to make ourselves feel better). Let's do that, indeed! Who cares if it doesn't make sense? Let's do it anyway! We're hurting, dammit!
Another example: "Let us put our trust in God Mr. Nothing, and hope He will ease our pain." Yes. Let's just hope our pain goes away. It doesn't make sense. It probably won't work. But I still hope it does anyway! That's something we can all agree on!
Another example: "Together in prayer we beg the Lord No One to welcome her into paradise somewhere." Yes. I wish the best for my Aunt even though she's gone. I wanna do _something_ but at the same time I know there's nothing I can do. So I can just ... wish. And that helps a little.
If you do this for the entire mass... if you realize that the whole thing is just a stupid show put on to make you feel better... it actually does help a little. I think this Divine Substitution of mine changes the overall theme of Otherworldiness into a Life Affirming Religion. Instead of focusing our efforts on some "other" reality that probably doesn't exist, let's focus our efforts on this reality no matter how silly it sounds. Let's invent ways to help each other work through our pain.
I was tempted to give the club-footed nun a big hug at the end of the mass. But I missed my opportunity...
The Passages
You know I can't post w/out mentioning bible passages... :)
There's a reason I called it The Big Book That Can Be Made To Say Whatever You Want It To Say. Cause that's what they did at mass: they cheery picked passages that said what everyone wanted to hear. This only angered me a little bit (perhaps because at this point I realized it was all a distraction anyway). Let me explain. The first passage they read was from the book of Jesus Ben Sirach. You don't hear much about this book nowadays. Mostly because it was ripped out of all Protestant Bibles a long time ago. But Catholic Bibles still got it! :)
They quoted Sirach 26:16-24. What I thought was amazing was the way the priest prefaced this section. He called this the section about the "good wife". And he said, "Catholics understand how important it is to have a good wife." That irritated me. Mostly, because the book was Jewish (not necessarily "Catholic"). If you wanted to call something from the Bible "Catholic", you should probably quote from the New Testament. Would that make more sense? And the first thing that comes to mind is what Paul wrote about marriage: "It is good for a man not to marry" (1 Cor 7:1). Paul goes on to say that if you can't control your penis, then marriage is okay for you. You can almost feel the sense of importance for having a good wife according to Paul. Almost. ;)
Next they quoted Matthew 24:42-44 (the passage says to "be ready" because Jesus will be coming "like a thief in the night"). This passage was almost appropriate because my Aunt died suddenly (at the relatively young age of 63). Everyone was surprised at her death. She seemed far healthier than my uncle (he's the same age and has survived three heart attacks already). But the passage technically isn't talking about people dying suddenly. It's talking about when Jesus is going to come back and float around on clouds with "power and glory". A much more relevant passage from the book of Matthew would've been Matthew 8:21, where Jesus says "let the dead bury their own". But that makes Jesus sound like an insensitive prick. That's not the verse you wanna hear at a funeral. I bet it's never been quoted at a Catholic funeral before either. Perhaps I should request it at mine. :) And while I'm thinking about it... I'd also like a cake to be served at my funeral. A life sized cake in the shape of my body. Ya.
Ok, I'll stop rambling now...
cheers,
MITCHELL
My Aunt was awesome. I loved her. Everybody loved her. Even people who only met her a couple of times loved her. The best term I can think of to describe her is "warm". She was a warm person. She made everyone feel good somehow. She could joke around and just act like a kid at times. Or she could give you really good advice. And she had a really funny way of telling people to "shut up" or "give it up"--in a warm way, so that no one got offended. And instead of swearing she'd say, "Good Lord, save a duck," which never really made any sense, but whatever.
A lot of people came to the funeral parlor for the showing. Everyone was telling stories and trying not to cry. After an hour or so a single nun appeared out of nowhere and gathered everyone together to say a few prayers. I wanted to punch this club-footed cunt in the fucking face. She started off her "prayers" with a minor tribute to my Aunt, and then immediately switched the topic to Jesus and how we all needed to pray for my Aunt's sins. Pray for my Aunt's sins? Are you FUCKING kidding me? What should've been clear to everyone in that funeral parlor was that my Aunt was a far better person than Jesus ever could've been. I was enraged at how few good things were said about my Aunt in comparison to the barrage of bullshit about Jesus.
And then it hit me. This could be the "good" that I've heard so much about in religion: religion distracts people from the pain in their lives. While the buck-toothed cunt of a nun told us a bedtime story of a baby boy who grew up and "rose from the dead", I found myself thinking less and less about my Aunt. And if you don't think the pain, the pain goes away--at least for a little while.
I bet we all would've reminisced until the sun came up--we had so much to say about Her. I think we actually needed someone to step in and say, "Ok, time's up. Move on. Give it up." Sure, I was very pissed when I was told to move on. But I think overall it helped.
The same thing happened at the funeral the next day. Several people were "called on" to "help out" in minor bullshit ways. There were 6 Paul Bearers, 2 bible readers, and 2 people were called on to "bring the gifts to the alter" (the gifts being, of course, the wine and Jesus crackers). I watched all of these participants very closely. They were all close family members. And they were all kinda young. And during the short time they performed their meaningless tasks, none of them cried. They couldn't; they were too busy with their all important "whatever". They were positively distracted from their grief.
The same thing happened towards the end of the mass, when members of the immediate family were asked to help "dress" the casket (and by dress, I mean put a big stupid white sheet over it for a few minutes). They were asked, "Could you do this for Her?" How could they refuse? And thus they were tricked into thinking that some small action of theirs could somehow help the deceased in some unknown way. They were distracted--in a positive way.
The entire mass was one big distraction. Two passages were read from The Big Book That Can Be Made To Say Whatever You Want It To Say. I'll talk about those passages in a second. The repetitive sitting and standing and kneeling were all minor distractions. The songs, the eating of the Jesus Crackers, the holding and then shaking of each other's hands--all minor distractions. And throughout the mass I couldn't stay focused on the death of my Aunt for more than a few moments. I was too busy moving and watching the show. I was positively distracted the entire time. I cried the least during the mass.
This is the "good" that I see in Catholicism. Time will heal your inner wounds. Memories will fade, and the pain will fade with them. But until that pain starts to subside, you need to do _something_ to get your mind off of the shock of it all. And pointless antiquated rituals are certainly one way of doing that. And the more you can do "in the name" or "in the honor" of your loved one, the better you're going to feel. (Hence my writing of this on LJ, I suppose.) :)
Divine Substitution
I hadn't been to a Catholic mass in awhile and I forgot how repetitious it was. I lost count, but I think the "resurrection of Jesus" was mentioned at least 20 times in one hour. That's amazing.
What I learned was... if the entire mass was just a distraction (to help ease the pain we experience in life), then if you just replace a few words that they're saying, it all makes sense (in a good way) for non-believers. Just replace the words "God", "Lord", and "Savior" with words like "Emptiness", "Nothing", or "Void" -- and it'll all make sense. I swear!
For example, when the priest says: "Let us all give thanks and praise to almighty God Absolutely No One, in memory of the recently departed." Yes. Let us all gather together and give praise and adulation for no real reason (other than to make ourselves feel better). Let's do that, indeed! Who cares if it doesn't make sense? Let's do it anyway! We're hurting, dammit!
Another example: "Let us put our trust in God Mr. Nothing, and hope He will ease our pain." Yes. Let's just hope our pain goes away. It doesn't make sense. It probably won't work. But I still hope it does anyway! That's something we can all agree on!
Another example: "Together in prayer we beg the Lord No One to welcome her into paradise somewhere." Yes. I wish the best for my Aunt even though she's gone. I wanna do _something_ but at the same time I know there's nothing I can do. So I can just ... wish. And that helps a little.
If you do this for the entire mass... if you realize that the whole thing is just a stupid show put on to make you feel better... it actually does help a little. I think this Divine Substitution of mine changes the overall theme of Otherworldiness into a Life Affirming Religion. Instead of focusing our efforts on some "other" reality that probably doesn't exist, let's focus our efforts on this reality no matter how silly it sounds. Let's invent ways to help each other work through our pain.
I was tempted to give the club-footed nun a big hug at the end of the mass. But I missed my opportunity...
The Passages
You know I can't post w/out mentioning bible passages... :)
There's a reason I called it The Big Book That Can Be Made To Say Whatever You Want It To Say. Cause that's what they did at mass: they cheery picked passages that said what everyone wanted to hear. This only angered me a little bit (perhaps because at this point I realized it was all a distraction anyway). Let me explain. The first passage they read was from the book of Jesus Ben Sirach. You don't hear much about this book nowadays. Mostly because it was ripped out of all Protestant Bibles a long time ago. But Catholic Bibles still got it! :)
They quoted Sirach 26:16-24. What I thought was amazing was the way the priest prefaced this section. He called this the section about the "good wife". And he said, "Catholics understand how important it is to have a good wife." That irritated me. Mostly, because the book was Jewish (not necessarily "Catholic"). If you wanted to call something from the Bible "Catholic", you should probably quote from the New Testament. Would that make more sense? And the first thing that comes to mind is what Paul wrote about marriage: "It is good for a man not to marry" (1 Cor 7:1). Paul goes on to say that if you can't control your penis, then marriage is okay for you. You can almost feel the sense of importance for having a good wife according to Paul. Almost. ;)
Next they quoted Matthew 24:42-44 (the passage says to "be ready" because Jesus will be coming "like a thief in the night"). This passage was almost appropriate because my Aunt died suddenly (at the relatively young age of 63). Everyone was surprised at her death. She seemed far healthier than my uncle (he's the same age and has survived three heart attacks already). But the passage technically isn't talking about people dying suddenly. It's talking about when Jesus is going to come back and float around on clouds with "power and glory". A much more relevant passage from the book of Matthew would've been Matthew 8:21, where Jesus says "let the dead bury their own". But that makes Jesus sound like an insensitive prick. That's not the verse you wanna hear at a funeral. I bet it's never been quoted at a Catholic funeral before either. Perhaps I should request it at mine. :) And while I'm thinking about it... I'd also like a cake to be served at my funeral. A life sized cake in the shape of my body. Ya.
Ok, I'll stop rambling now...
cheers,
MITCHELL