十六
So... I guess I died from that.
In the end... I really couldn't do anything at all. Here, I really am nothing special in the slightest. I thought that would be good considering how much I hated being relied on before. People wouldn't want me for me though, just what I could do. That I could pilot Unit 01. That was the only reason, but it wasn't my only reason. I... wanted to help. I did, I'm sure of it. It wasn't just selfishly seeking praise in the end, I really wanted to help.
But at the same time, I was scared. I didn't want to, as much as I did. It was too much, all of it was.
And I thought being here would change that but now... What am I? ...at least the entry plug was comforting. I can't even go there any more; Unit 01 isn't here. ...but would I want it here anyway?
It's cold. It feels strange. My heart isn't beating. I don't like it. I don't feel real. Did I do this to others? To Asuka and Misato-san? Maybe to Ayanami too? And... Kaworu-kun. I know I did it to him, directly, by my own hand. I don't want it. I don't want to think I've caused anyone to feel this way. I don't!
I can't leave this place now. Was I even thinking about leaving before? I guess it doesn't matter now.
It felt different to in the EVA, the pain. It always felt real somehow. If Unit 01's arm broke then I felt it, but it didn't really happen Or did it? I can't remember even... but not like that. Or was it? Ugh... I'm such an idiot. And a weakling. I thought that... Heh. What does it matter.
Honestly, if Misato-san and Askua weren't allowed to go back then why should I have been given the option? At least I'm not full alone here.
...but my chest still feels hollow.
//Private
Where am I? Misato-san, is this...?
[ooc; Emo Shinji is (finally, some may say) really emo and tl;dr rambly. Death has kind of thrown him for a loop and he's all disorientated, metaphorically and literally. So, because Rei famously had the bandages and Asuka also mirrored those bandages in EoE, I decided to let Shinji have the same, so they all match ;p
Comment log for Misato and Asuka, should they feel so inclined, assume he's been out of it since said event and he of course has no idea who did it. Journal for others~ ♥ ]
In the end... I really couldn't do anything at all. Here, I really am nothing special in the slightest. I thought that would be good considering how much I hated being relied on before. People wouldn't want me for me though, just what I could do. That I could pilot Unit 01. That was the only reason, but it wasn't my only reason. I... wanted to help. I did, I'm sure of it. It wasn't just selfishly seeking praise in the end, I really wanted to help.
But at the same time, I was scared. I didn't want to, as much as I did. It was too much, all of it was.
And I thought being here would change that but now... What am I? ...at least the entry plug was comforting. I can't even go there any more; Unit 01 isn't here. ...but would I want it here anyway?
It's cold. It feels strange. My heart isn't beating. I don't like it. I don't feel real. Did I do this to others? To Asuka and Misato-san? Maybe to Ayanami too? And... Kaworu-kun. I know I did it to him, directly, by my own hand. I don't want it. I don't want to think I've caused anyone to feel this way. I don't!
I can't leave this place now. Was I even thinking about leaving before? I guess it doesn't matter now.
It felt different to in the EVA, the pain. It always felt real somehow. If Unit 01's arm broke then I felt it, but it didn't really happen Or did it? I can't remember even... but not like that. Or was it? Ugh... I'm such an idiot. And a weakling. I thought that... Heh. What does it matter.
Honestly, if Misato-san and Askua weren't allowed to go back then why should I have been given the option? At least I'm not full alone here.
...but my chest still feels hollow.
//Private
Where am I? Misato-san, is this...?
[ooc; Emo Shinji is (finally, some may say) really emo and tl;dr rambly. Death has kind of thrown him for a loop and he's all disorientated, metaphorically and literally. So, because Rei famously had the bandages and Asuka also mirrored those bandages in EoE, I decided to let Shinji have the same, so they all match ;p
Comment log for Misato and Asuka, should they feel so inclined, assume he's been out of it since said event and he of course has no idea who did it. Journal for others~ ♥ ]