I'm in a New York state of mind.
I haven't smoked today so I'm in a deeper thinking stage than normally.
It's going to be one of the entries you all wait for.
haha
So for my brithday last year David and I were together. He bought me this hemp bracelet that I wear everyday. He got me the SOFTEST stuffed animal I've ever had. I sleep with it everynight.
Just recently we began to talk.
There's no emotion there except for the fact we care about each other.
But, I just can't help but find it ironic that even though he hasn't been here, I've never gone out without that bracelet, or i feel naked, I never sleep without that stuffed tiger or I feel unsafe.
Obviously life should never be revolved around materialistic things, but somehow I became dependent on them, even though the person who gave them to me means nothing more than a friend.
I don't know, I just thought that was unusual.
I'm definitely the kind of person who will never base their lives on materials because they're not permanent
But, neither are people.
I'll never base my life on someone else. I'll never make it so I'm destroyed without someone.
Maybe that's why I'm so bitter
Maybe that's why I treat my boyfriends like shit
And I know it's why at times i become condescending
I wish I had more of a steady mood.
My mom told me I was a paranoid person becuase I smoke a lot of pot.
At first it made me mad.
But she's right.
I don't know if it's necessarily because of the pot but sometimes I become obsessive and paranoid
My mood changes like the fucking time.
That's what drives me insane.
It's moments like these where my mind is so cluttered I go a little crazy
Part of me wants to believe it's a sign of intelligence
I'm going to write a book one day.
and it's going to be great.
I'm driving my step dad over to his friends house later tonight
they smoke a lot of pot
they're always drinking.
THESE ARE COPS AND RETIRED COPS.
yeah just pointing that out.
bitches.
so i hope the world doesn't end tomorrow
considering my birthday is on Thursday.
(joint party with tucci)
but if it does me and meg already had an adventure with (nameless car)
I've had a good life, whos with me ?
oh, im a psycho ?
seriously, when did people start coming to this conclusion ?
tell me about it. I like to know how others see me
jay sicks: i always want to hang out with my favorite muscle man. haha
SiLvErDrAgOn255: hahaha how am i a muscle man?
jay sicks: i don't know, i wanted to make you feel better about your flabby physique
SiLvErDrAgOn255: thanks a lot
SiLvErDrAgOn255: see i take so much abuse from you
jay sicks: haha i mean well.
SiLvErDrAgOn255: now i know why i didnt call or talk to you haha :-P
haha
sometimes you can really miss people.