ay yay yi
oh man! nati and jessy just left my house.. and nati haaaadd to spray the perfume Bryan gave me for christmas!!not good let me tell u. ahh whats the matter with me. this has been the worse month and a half ever. why cant i just forget... i guess its because i feel as if something was left unsaid. i have this empty feeling.. i feel like shit all the time.. i mean sure i have fun and i get distracted thanks to my friends.. but then its that ride back home and those times that im ready to go to bed where i think of stuff and how much i wish i could change some things.. i know i cant dwell on this and that its not the end of the world.. but daaamn it hurts like a mother.. being home hasnt been easy ... i havent talked to my dad in a couple days and dont plan to for a while.. we had a huge argument and he said some things that he had no right in saying.... i dont like school anymore... it was somewhere i liked to go jsut to see my friends and stuff but now its like .. i dont want to be at home or school.. WHERE DO I GO?!... im trying though.. i reallllly am.. i dont sit around on my ass. i do stuff constantly and try to just preoccupy myself....
i spoke with steven.. my older brother.,.. for a good 30-40 minutes the other day.. good convo... i havent talked to him in a while so im really glad i did .. he gave me some good advice..hes right.. theres nothing for me here.. i mean sure i have my friends and family but i have this opportunity now to go and experience something new.. nothing is holding me back.. i think i want to go to FSU.. they have the best communications program .. its between them and UM.. and since i have bright futures and want to get away,but not to far, i think FSU is my best bet.... since i never applied there and fall is closed, i think i am going to transfer there in the spring .. im really thinking about it and i realllly hope i make the right choice.. i think this is what i need.. i think i can like it there if i give it a shot.. i told him maybe in a year.. but hes right... in a year i might have something to hold be back.. and i shouldnt wait.. he and my sister regret not leaving.. and when he finally did for grad school he didnt want to come back.. he says it was hard at first but that i am more social than he is so it might me somewhat easier.. i guess applying is the first step .. i wish life wasnt this damn hard.. but i have to realize that there are a lot of bumps and curves and we jsut have to learn how to deal with each of them. hey... as ari used to say every time i asked how she was doing... it could be better, but it could be worse.. i love that kid.. she was soo awesome! her and that contagious laugh...makes me smile!
this is just something i thought about one day:
i think the most frequently asked question is WHY? why did this happen? why didnt this happen? life is one big mystery.. but the answer to all the WHYs is quite simple really.... it just wasnt meant to be.. thats just one thing thats easy to say but rather difficult to understand..embrace what God sends your way and accept what doesnt go your way because everything happens for a reason... dont dwell on things too much because life will just pass you by and its not worth missing out on it.
- T
i spoke with steven.. my older brother.,.. for a good 30-40 minutes the other day.. good convo... i havent talked to him in a while so im really glad i did .. he gave me some good advice..hes right.. theres nothing for me here.. i mean sure i have my friends and family but i have this opportunity now to go and experience something new.. nothing is holding me back.. i think i want to go to FSU.. they have the best communications program .. its between them and UM.. and since i have bright futures and want to get away,but not to far, i think FSU is my best bet.... since i never applied there and fall is closed, i think i am going to transfer there in the spring .. im really thinking about it and i realllly hope i make the right choice.. i think this is what i need.. i think i can like it there if i give it a shot.. i told him maybe in a year.. but hes right... in a year i might have something to hold be back.. and i shouldnt wait.. he and my sister regret not leaving.. and when he finally did for grad school he didnt want to come back.. he says it was hard at first but that i am more social than he is so it might me somewhat easier.. i guess applying is the first step .. i wish life wasnt this damn hard.. but i have to realize that there are a lot of bumps and curves and we jsut have to learn how to deal with each of them. hey... as ari used to say every time i asked how she was doing... it could be better, but it could be worse.. i love that kid.. she was soo awesome! her and that contagious laugh...makes me smile!
this is just something i thought about one day:
i think the most frequently asked question is WHY? why did this happen? why didnt this happen? life is one big mystery.. but the answer to all the WHYs is quite simple really.... it just wasnt meant to be.. thats just one thing thats easy to say but rather difficult to understand..embrace what God sends your way and accept what doesnt go your way because everything happens for a reason... dont dwell on things too much because life will just pass you by and its not worth missing out on it.
- T