I feel like writing, even though I have nothing to write about.
I started drinking at about 7:00 P.M. tonight, I'm finally a little buzzed. Not exactly looking to get shit faced. So excuse any lack of grammar or spelling.
Had a TINY bonfire at the old house tonight, just a 1/2 mile up the road. Pretty fun. James, Cassie, the other Cassie, Steph, Jason, and I were there. Stephanie left after a little while, wasn't her scene I guess. After I made a little joke, (not my best material) the OTHER Cassie told me, "I'd forgotten how funny you were." It was probably in the top 5 compliments I'd gotten in my life. I don't know why that was worth mentioning, but, well it just was. It made my day.
Mowed the lawn today, took off my shirt in an effort to get somewhat of a tan. What can I say. Chicks like tans.
I don't know whether to say I've come to terms with what's been on my mind (see previous post) or not, I've just felt slightly better this week. I just wish I could meet someone. I swear sometimes I feel like there's no one for me, and then I feel like a stuck up asshole, as though I deserve someone extra special. Maybe I'm just drunk, and can't put what I'm feeling into words. Maybe I had it and lost it. Maybe it was never there. I've started the last three sentences with "maybe." My life is too full of "maybes." Maybe I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe I've met her and haven't known it, or maybe I'm just impatient. It may be that I had it and fucked it all up with immaturity and disrespect. Maybe I should end this paragraph.
I hate being lonely.
Sometimes I feel that all I have is my music.
Sometimes I hate myself for being so focused on music and being so untalented at creating it.
A lot of times I feel like crying or just giving up. But then I realize I'm a Voge, and should expect more out of myself, and am just thankful for my family always being there for me.
And after all this whiny bullshit, and feelings of self pity, I find there is always a new day at which to try harder and do better. So yeah, I think I'll just go to bed sometime soon, and then go to work tomorrow morning...
Had a TINY bonfire at the old house tonight, just a 1/2 mile up the road. Pretty fun. James, Cassie, the other Cassie, Steph, Jason, and I were there. Stephanie left after a little while, wasn't her scene I guess. After I made a little joke, (not my best material) the OTHER Cassie told me, "I'd forgotten how funny you were." It was probably in the top 5 compliments I'd gotten in my life. I don't know why that was worth mentioning, but, well it just was. It made my day.
Mowed the lawn today, took off my shirt in an effort to get somewhat of a tan. What can I say. Chicks like tans.
I don't know whether to say I've come to terms with what's been on my mind (see previous post) or not, I've just felt slightly better this week. I just wish I could meet someone. I swear sometimes I feel like there's no one for me, and then I feel like a stuck up asshole, as though I deserve someone extra special. Maybe I'm just drunk, and can't put what I'm feeling into words. Maybe I had it and lost it. Maybe it was never there. I've started the last three sentences with "maybe." My life is too full of "maybes." Maybe I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe I've met her and haven't known it, or maybe I'm just impatient. It may be that I had it and fucked it all up with immaturity and disrespect. Maybe I should end this paragraph.
I hate being lonely.
Sometimes I feel that all I have is my music.
Sometimes I hate myself for being so focused on music and being so untalented at creating it.
A lot of times I feel like crying or just giving up. But then I realize I'm a Voge, and should expect more out of myself, and am just thankful for my family always being there for me.
And after all this whiny bullshit, and feelings of self pity, I find there is always a new day at which to try harder and do better. So yeah, I think I'll just go to bed sometime soon, and then go to work tomorrow morning...