Aww, he's so cute...
Andy and Caleb and I were driving back home from E. Peoria yesterday evening on 74 and saw fireworks off in the distance. Caleb shouted out lets go over there to watch them. So we tracked them down, they were having a display in Glen Oak Park. It was most of the way through already so we drove slowly and saw what we could, and talked about the
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You'll notice that in both the case of the fireworks, and the ice cream, those were both things that Caleb wanted to do, his suggestion which you gave into to, but it was not good enough. Now, similarly, in the case of ice cream after a movie, he wanted to do something, after you guys did something. This is usually a good idea. Something for you, something for him. All in balance. Of course in that case both events were fun and maybe in that case the first fun event would have been enough. It is up to the parent to decide when to reward for good behavior and when a good time is its own reward. But in the case of a potential adoptive parent with no kids, they might need some help with that distinction.
Perhaps an example which might cause some confusion would be something not fun for a child. For example, Andy, Caleb, and you go to a long, talky, boring, hot wedding. Caleb (and probably Andy and You) would just hate that!!! So if after Caleb ends up squirming the whole time, and falling asleep, he requests to get ice cream then, you'd be inclined to do it because he was good, even if there was ice cream at the reception. So you say "There'll be ice cream at the reception" to which he says "No, I just want to go to Dairy Queen and go home!" and throws a tantrum. Should he get the ice cream? Only if he goes to the reception and some might say not even then. It all depends on whether you're rewarding the good behavior of going to the wedding or the reception or denying the bad behavior of the tantrum, but the kid can't make this distinction on his own. He'll still see this as a partial victory through whining. And might be inclined to whine again after his ice cream is done, causing him to get his way of going home. Perhaps the only way to "win" in this situation is to take him to the reception, get him the ice cream, and explain forth and outright that "this ice cream is for going to the wedding and being good at the reception, and not for whining." Some parents might throw in a small punishment for the whining. "You will have to wait until the end of the reception for your ice cream to make sure you behave." Or, "because you whined, I can't trust that you'll behave enough to go to the zoo next week. You might embarrass me. You'll have to work extra hard to prove to me you can behave." I suppose this is all relative to the child. Some children have healthy guilt complexes and do not need to be reminded to feel bad when they've done something wrong. It's all very relative. And long……..and preachy.
Lord knows this is not an attack on your parenting “the talk” skills, which as previously stated, are not only fantastic, they are the best I’ve ever seen! You should have a sitcom or something. Though it is funnier when the parents are bad. We can’t all be Danny Tanner. Anyone else who tries would never run that long. Probably would even reach syndication. I just don’t want anything to ruin your awesome-mad parenting skills. Even if it is just “a few harmless presents.”
In short: Don't let people buy things for tantruming kids. Arg!
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That was really effin long.. I'm so proud of myself for reading it all ^_^
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