(no subject)
I miss romance. Where has it disappeared to? I miss tenderness, and innocence mixed with just the right amount of passion. I miss kisses that stop time, those soft, perfect kisses that seem to be plucked from the most cliche of chick flicks. I miss flirtation and the most subtle touches that you would miss if your world didn't revolve around waiting desperately for them. I miss butterflies. I miss the awkwardly comfortable excitement of newness. I miss first glances across the room, and those fumbled first words that never really come out right. Why does all that suddenly disappear at this point in life? Why does sex somehow replace everything? I don't want sex. I want everything else. I don't think that's so much to ask. Maybe I'm just the only hopeless romantic left. Maybe I want something that only exists in the world of tweens. Maybe I'm an idealist. Maybe I'm just stuck in a world that everyone else has moved past. I can't be the only one. Am I really the only one? This is wy I so desperately need to get out of here. It's why I crave Italy. I need something different. Someone different. I don't belong to the world of drunken flings and overnight passion. I need something more lasting, more meaningful. I'm at the point in my life where I don't want pointless flings or superficial flirtation. I don't feel like I belong to the that life anymore. I don't know that I ever really did. I played around with it, but it isn't who I am. I can't tell you the last time I drank. That's not true. I know exactly when. And that night changed everything. I'm done. I really am. That's not how I want to meet someone. It's not healthy to need a drink before you feel comfortable enough to be the assertive one. I miss my naturally assertive self. She's ready for a comeback. I think I'm ready to bring back a lot of who I used to be. At least that Treva was happy. Naive but happy. There has to be some sort of middle ground. I'll find it. I'll fumble along the way, but I'll find it.