(no subject)
how could I possibly still be jaded all this time? So naive. So silly. So open. So trusting. I've long since run out of cheeks to turn. I used to think it was only certain types, only certain individuals who got to me, who I let get to me. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Somewhere along the line I've lost my hard shell and any protection I may have had surrounding my heart. Tears fell today. It was all too much. How many people does it take to break you? Is it just one? Can a single action cause my entire world to crumble? Or is it the accumulation of the paper cuts of many? Finally let go of old wounds from an imaginary love. Gained some new ones from girls I am supposed to love as family. Then finally topped it all off with a disappointment from an adopted family member very close to my heart. I never chose to be an emotional soul. I didn't wake up one day and think "gee, I think I'll put my heart out for the whole world to play with today". It's just who I am. I care about people. I care about my relationships. I live passionately and intensely and without regret. It scares me to think that I might change that, that all this could change that.