(no subject)
so for a while there i was really happy. then i got in my accident and i was crushed. then i became happy again because i couldn't be frustrated or angered by my parents because they've been doing so much for me since the accident. now, it's back to nag, nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag, etc..
i seriously can't take it anymore. i probably freaked jess out a lil bit today the way i spazzed out and flipped shit while i was driving her home telling her about how my dad yelled at me yesterday because of a parmesan cheese spill. i won't get into that though, long story, and i have a lot to complain about.
they actually had the nerve to lecture me on being stupid, commonsense-wise. i was over my grandma's house onnn... friday? and me, my parents, and my grandma are sittin in the kitchen when scott calls me, so i went in the dining room... christina is in and they were drivin around and wanted to know if i'm home.. and i was like no i'm at my grandma's.. and scott was like ohh where does your grandma live? and i was thinkin for a second, she lives by the library but i just had brain freeze and i was like.. by cvs. and he was like ohh ok what time will you be home? and i was like around 8. and he said maybe if they were in the area they'd stop over, but maybe not.
so later on around 11ish i had just gotten home from sabatini's with des, shan, and tracy.. annd my mom and dad are in the living room. i go and sit down on the couch and my dad's like.. so why did you say "by cvs" when you were on the phone before? (i love it when my parents eavesdrop on my conversations then get all nosy about it). and i was like ohh scott wanted to know where grandma's house was. and he gave me his (fake) confused look, you know.. the one when he completely knows what you mean but because what you say isn't clear and detailed he pretends to be all confused, and i knew why so i was like.. ohh yeah i forgot the library is closer i shoulda just said the library. and then he was like.. why didn't you just say jackson st.? why didn't you just give a clear answer and then let him ask questions if he needed to? and i was like well i just didn't think to say the street it's no big deal he could've asked if he wanted to know what street. then he started lecturing me on not thinking right and stuff and i was like well my brain just doesn't process things the way yours does and then he did his cute little headshake sternly saying "no, no, no.." then my mom got in on the action how i can't go through life like that and that i can process things the right way and that i need to. and i was like well i can't it's not like i can just make myself think differently! and they were like yes you can and you better.
wow, so i guess they finally realized that the money matters, driving, school, my future, eating right, exercise, computer, goin out too much, memory problems, sloppiness, etc nagging speeches were getting a bit old so they decided to try a new one! i gotta say, i didn't expect that one. ok, i could've expected it from my dad, but not my mom. my dad is a serious guy so i can expect things like this from him. but i love it when my mom acts all serious and overpowering when she nags me about shit like that.. it's comical, except that it's not.
i wonder when i'll ever be good enough for them? like honestly.. is their plan to make me feel like the shit our neighbor's dog leaves in our backyard that gets stuck on the tires of our lawn mower? because if it is.. that's what i feel like in their eyes, and i know theyre wrong.. but i will never, ever feel good enough for them. i understand they're parents and that it's their job to teach me valuable life lessons and to teach me the differences between right and wrong and to prepare me for the real world, but their method isn't working. their method wouldn't work on anyone, except for those perfect kids at school with like 4.0 averages who are in like every club and put school first before everything and never do anything wrong. yeah, sorry i couldn't be that for you mom and dad. you can compare me all you want to the people you want me to be like, but i'm 17 years old.. i am who i am, forever. nothing will change me at this point in the game, except for maybe dramatic life changes.
i am sick of having to be someone else under this roof. my parents look at me as a 7 year old girl as opposed to a 17 year old girl when they look at me. therefore i have to pretend to go along with it. i have to pretend that i am that girl, because the girl i really am, they wouldn't like. if only i could show you the way they look at me when they talk to me. the unbearably corny things they say to eachother and laugh at, and expect me to laugh at too so i fake it, while inside my head all i am thinking is 'jesus christ how many days until august 21?' the way they laugh at me when i say/do something or ask to do something that's perfectly fine and normal for a 17 year old girl, but not perfectly fine and normal for a 7 year old girl, so they (especially my dad) laugh at me the way you laugh at a kid who says something kids don't normally say that is soo adorable. it's disgusting. but i have to pretend to be happy with all of it.
i am sick of having to suppress my anger. if i ever want to argue something, i have to decide whether it's one of the things i have to hold back, or if i can try aruging it. even if i am enraged inside about something and argue it i have to put a fake smile on my face to try and make myself sound all cute while trying to argue it to my parents. my mom always says, instead of telling someone you have a problem with something about them, say something about it but jokingly and hope they take it seriously. wonderful method, mother!
that's all i can think of for now, damn that felt good writing all of that out. i have class tomorrow at 8am, i should get to bed. hopefully i won't bein school tomorrow if my argument is successfully presented to my dad. if not, i'll get the "i'm worried because you don't take school seriously enough" lecture and see you guys at 1:30.
i seriously can't take it anymore. i probably freaked jess out a lil bit today the way i spazzed out and flipped shit while i was driving her home telling her about how my dad yelled at me yesterday because of a parmesan cheese spill. i won't get into that though, long story, and i have a lot to complain about.
they actually had the nerve to lecture me on being stupid, commonsense-wise. i was over my grandma's house onnn... friday? and me, my parents, and my grandma are sittin in the kitchen when scott calls me, so i went in the dining room... christina is in and they were drivin around and wanted to know if i'm home.. and i was like no i'm at my grandma's.. and scott was like ohh where does your grandma live? and i was thinkin for a second, she lives by the library but i just had brain freeze and i was like.. by cvs. and he was like ohh ok what time will you be home? and i was like around 8. and he said maybe if they were in the area they'd stop over, but maybe not.
so later on around 11ish i had just gotten home from sabatini's with des, shan, and tracy.. annd my mom and dad are in the living room. i go and sit down on the couch and my dad's like.. so why did you say "by cvs" when you were on the phone before? (i love it when my parents eavesdrop on my conversations then get all nosy about it). and i was like ohh scott wanted to know where grandma's house was. and he gave me his (fake) confused look, you know.. the one when he completely knows what you mean but because what you say isn't clear and detailed he pretends to be all confused, and i knew why so i was like.. ohh yeah i forgot the library is closer i shoulda just said the library. and then he was like.. why didn't you just say jackson st.? why didn't you just give a clear answer and then let him ask questions if he needed to? and i was like well i just didn't think to say the street it's no big deal he could've asked if he wanted to know what street. then he started lecturing me on not thinking right and stuff and i was like well my brain just doesn't process things the way yours does and then he did his cute little headshake sternly saying "no, no, no.." then my mom got in on the action how i can't go through life like that and that i can process things the right way and that i need to. and i was like well i can't it's not like i can just make myself think differently! and they were like yes you can and you better.
wow, so i guess they finally realized that the money matters, driving, school, my future, eating right, exercise, computer, goin out too much, memory problems, sloppiness, etc nagging speeches were getting a bit old so they decided to try a new one! i gotta say, i didn't expect that one. ok, i could've expected it from my dad, but not my mom. my dad is a serious guy so i can expect things like this from him. but i love it when my mom acts all serious and overpowering when she nags me about shit like that.. it's comical, except that it's not.
i wonder when i'll ever be good enough for them? like honestly.. is their plan to make me feel like the shit our neighbor's dog leaves in our backyard that gets stuck on the tires of our lawn mower? because if it is.. that's what i feel like in their eyes, and i know theyre wrong.. but i will never, ever feel good enough for them. i understand they're parents and that it's their job to teach me valuable life lessons and to teach me the differences between right and wrong and to prepare me for the real world, but their method isn't working. their method wouldn't work on anyone, except for those perfect kids at school with like 4.0 averages who are in like every club and put school first before everything and never do anything wrong. yeah, sorry i couldn't be that for you mom and dad. you can compare me all you want to the people you want me to be like, but i'm 17 years old.. i am who i am, forever. nothing will change me at this point in the game, except for maybe dramatic life changes.
i am sick of having to be someone else under this roof. my parents look at me as a 7 year old girl as opposed to a 17 year old girl when they look at me. therefore i have to pretend to go along with it. i have to pretend that i am that girl, because the girl i really am, they wouldn't like. if only i could show you the way they look at me when they talk to me. the unbearably corny things they say to eachother and laugh at, and expect me to laugh at too so i fake it, while inside my head all i am thinking is 'jesus christ how many days until august 21?' the way they laugh at me when i say/do something or ask to do something that's perfectly fine and normal for a 17 year old girl, but not perfectly fine and normal for a 7 year old girl, so they (especially my dad) laugh at me the way you laugh at a kid who says something kids don't normally say that is soo adorable. it's disgusting. but i have to pretend to be happy with all of it.
i am sick of having to suppress my anger. if i ever want to argue something, i have to decide whether it's one of the things i have to hold back, or if i can try aruging it. even if i am enraged inside about something and argue it i have to put a fake smile on my face to try and make myself sound all cute while trying to argue it to my parents. my mom always says, instead of telling someone you have a problem with something about them, say something about it but jokingly and hope they take it seriously. wonderful method, mother!
that's all i can think of for now, damn that felt good writing all of that out. i have class tomorrow at 8am, i should get to bed. hopefully i won't bein school tomorrow if my argument is successfully presented to my dad. if not, i'll get the "i'm worried because you don't take school seriously enough" lecture and see you guys at 1:30.