I've Given Up
I do. I give up.
I give up on family.
I give up on relationships.
I give up on school.
I give up on my job.
I give up on people.
I give up on caring.
I give up on breathing.
Most of all, I give up on life. It's an awesome feeling to know that no one cares anymore, not even your own family, people that should ALWAYS be there for you. I have no family. I had my sister, but I'm not allowed to see or speak to her anymore. I don't know whats happening to me anymore, I just don't know. I just basically don't care at ALL anymore. I do whatever I want, whenever I want, wherever I want. I don't care what people think of me, I don't care why they think of me the way they do. I don't talk to anyone anymore. Basically Briana, Jacob, JT, and Janine are my LIFE.
I've continued with the cutting, which I'm NOT proud of. It's not like I need anymore scars. I have plenty already. I can't stop though. Everytime I do it, I don't want to, but I don't have the willpower to stop myself. It's like a drug or something, I know, sounds wicked stupid, but thats the only way I know how to explain it. It's almost as if I'm addicted to it or something. To be honest, I have a fucking razor blade right here, waiting, but I'm staying occupied so I won't. Or trying to at least. I'm nimb to it. I don't even feel it anymore.
I have wicked bad anxiety. I want to go to the doctors, but then I'll get prescribed to Zanex(spelling?) and I don't need to get addicted to something else right now. I'm a mess. Since I've been out of my house I've done so many drugs/pills/ and drank so much it's disgusting.
I've basically dropped out of school. I am going to go to Nite School, but it doesnt start until January and that sucks. I've already missed 11 days and that sucks. I think I'm failing all of my classes and that sucks.
I need to get a second job.
I'm going to try and emancipate myself so I can legally sign a binding contract so I can get my own apartment and live somewhere and not feel like an asshole imposing on other people.
I hate myself right now. I hate my life and how it's going. I honestly don't know how much longer I can deal with this shit before, I don't even know.
I give up....
I give up on family.
I give up on relationships.
I give up on school.
I give up on my job.
I give up on people.
I give up on caring.
I give up on breathing.
Most of all, I give up on life. It's an awesome feeling to know that no one cares anymore, not even your own family, people that should ALWAYS be there for you. I have no family. I had my sister, but I'm not allowed to see or speak to her anymore. I don't know whats happening to me anymore, I just don't know. I just basically don't care at ALL anymore. I do whatever I want, whenever I want, wherever I want. I don't care what people think of me, I don't care why they think of me the way they do. I don't talk to anyone anymore. Basically Briana, Jacob, JT, and Janine are my LIFE.
I've continued with the cutting, which I'm NOT proud of. It's not like I need anymore scars. I have plenty already. I can't stop though. Everytime I do it, I don't want to, but I don't have the willpower to stop myself. It's like a drug or something, I know, sounds wicked stupid, but thats the only way I know how to explain it. It's almost as if I'm addicted to it or something. To be honest, I have a fucking razor blade right here, waiting, but I'm staying occupied so I won't. Or trying to at least. I'm nimb to it. I don't even feel it anymore.
I have wicked bad anxiety. I want to go to the doctors, but then I'll get prescribed to Zanex(spelling?) and I don't need to get addicted to something else right now. I'm a mess. Since I've been out of my house I've done so many drugs/pills/ and drank so much it's disgusting.
I've basically dropped out of school. I am going to go to Nite School, but it doesnt start until January and that sucks. I've already missed 11 days and that sucks. I think I'm failing all of my classes and that sucks.
I need to get a second job.
I'm going to try and emancipate myself so I can legally sign a binding contract so I can get my own apartment and live somewhere and not feel like an asshole imposing on other people.
I hate myself right now. I hate my life and how it's going. I honestly don't know how much longer I can deal with this shit before, I don't even know.
I give up....