Why I don't want what I used to want
I don't particularly want a serious relationship anymore. To elaborate, I still want that, but only if it's serious in the way that the relationship itself is like a medition, a spiritual epiphany. I believe this is possible but very unlikely. And if it's anything short of unspeakably profound, I simply can't be bothered anymore.
I do not do things halfheartedly. I'll no longer be arsed to stay with a person who doesn't care for me the same way I care for them, or whom I can't care for in the same way as they care for me. I very much need reciprocity in things like this.
I think, next time I get "involved" with someone, it needs to be pretty much a no strings type of thing. I mean, they aren't bound to me nor I to them. Getting attached to people, or becoming the subject of a person's attachment, has thus far gotten me nowhere. Might be time for a break from that.
I can't go around looking for what I want anymore. It's only derailed my life, and since I've decided not to look I've found my clarity in focusing on things like work and interests has skyrocketed.
That's usually the way it works, isn't it? You look and look for something misplaced, and you don't find it, and it's only when you stop looking for it that it shows up unexpectedly. So, I'm going to try not to expect someone to show up with whom I'd want to be seriously involved, and maybe then someday it'll happen.
And, if not, I may as well attempt to have fun in the meantime, rather than be paralysed with the feeling that no one understands me.
Maybe no one does understand me, but I can either lay down and die or make the best or it, I suppose.
This entry is what skimming books in new age shops does to me.
I do not do things halfheartedly. I'll no longer be arsed to stay with a person who doesn't care for me the same way I care for them, or whom I can't care for in the same way as they care for me. I very much need reciprocity in things like this.
I think, next time I get "involved" with someone, it needs to be pretty much a no strings type of thing. I mean, they aren't bound to me nor I to them. Getting attached to people, or becoming the subject of a person's attachment, has thus far gotten me nowhere. Might be time for a break from that.
I can't go around looking for what I want anymore. It's only derailed my life, and since I've decided not to look I've found my clarity in focusing on things like work and interests has skyrocketed.
That's usually the way it works, isn't it? You look and look for something misplaced, and you don't find it, and it's only when you stop looking for it that it shows up unexpectedly. So, I'm going to try not to expect someone to show up with whom I'd want to be seriously involved, and maybe then someday it'll happen.
And, if not, I may as well attempt to have fun in the meantime, rather than be paralysed with the feeling that no one understands me.
Maybe no one does understand me, but I can either lay down and die or make the best or it, I suppose.
This entry is what skimming books in new age shops does to me.