I always feel alone
Drabble:I always feel alone
Universe: Supernatural
Rating: Gen
Gender: Hurt!Dean
Author: Kali no Beta (yet)
Summary: Dean's feeling blue, he feels everything bad in his life so far is his fault.
A/N I always think about stories I'd like to write in those moments full of stress when I need a Haven from all the bad things at work. This comes from back at S5 finale, but I had to add a part that makes it even sadder. Edit: thinking on adding another part now.
:::
Dean wakes up after a nightmare, and Mommy is right there, she's always there, she tucks him in again and sings for him for few minutes, until everything is okay and the last thing he feels is her kiss, and the warm feeling of being protected, of being cared after, of being loved, while mommy is here, he would never feel alone... Until that night, Dean played with dad, he was back after a while and he really wanted to spend some time with Dad, he fell asleep the second he hits the pillow.
But in his dream this person/monster/angel? keeps asking him to wake up and help his brother, as usual, Dean Winchester at only four years wakes up, scarred and crying, and for once... Mommy is not there for him, she's not there because she's dead, she left him alone.
after that day.. Dean always feels alone
****
"Sam! Sammy... Wait!" he grabs the jacket but when the guy turns around is not Sam is someone older that looks at Dean's face startled and angry.
Sam left two days ago and Dad's been mad at him for that reason, Dean is 21 and he can handle this, but it doesn't change the fact that he feels lost, without Sam, Dean has no purpose, no reason, without Sam dean is alone once more and it hurts...
Dad is hurting too Dean thinks, that's why he can't talk about Sam and why he's always pushing harder, being harder than ever because Dean needs to believe there's a reason for his dad to act like his son is not important. John in all his sorrow is hurting Dean not even noticing it. Bobby has to stitch Dean up for the second time after training going wrong and asked both of them what happened;"it was my fault" lies Dean "I wasn't fast enough" Bobby knows different.
After Sam left the first time; Dean felt betrayed, and guilty and scared of what Dad would do to him, and he was right. This time he just feels empty and worthless
When Sam was there they used to fight yes... but then there was always time for dinner when the three of them would laugh over stupid stuff and times when Dad would talk to Dean like he's there, like he cared for him.
Times with Sam just being there, to talk to, to smile at or smile back, to be safe and close, to make Dean complete.
Now? Now Dean always feels alone...
;;;
"..and then we can buy you another one..." Lisa frowns Dean is not paying atention... AGAIN! is like they're not discussing his birthday. "Dean?" and he gasps, actually gasps!
"Sorry... you were saying...?" he says smiling, hiding his eyes for a moment so sad and so lost that she had not courage to be mad.
"I was saying that we could do whatever you want for your birthday we don't have to invite anyone..."
"but you two were waiting for this... " he says "you've been getting ready all month..."
"But you don't want this, and I get it, is for me and for Ben, not for you, we can do whatever you feel like doing on your birthday" and caresses his arm and kisses Dean and he feels bad for this, she's been excited about his birthday since christmas.
So you got to promise me something. You got to promise not to try to bring me back.
Dean agrees to have the party, there are more of Lisa's friends than his, after al he has almost no friends, he has nothing after Sam left, he's all alone after Sam left... and he feels the tears choking him when someone turns the lights off and Ben starts singing that stupid song and he has memory flashes I don't like getting singled out at birthday parties, much less by... God. and Sam leaving and he feels alone in a room full of people looking at him cheering at him when he blowed the candles he feels all alone, more alone than he ever felt.
He's amazed he could keep the smile the whole time.
That night he called for Castiel in the backyard, he prayed in a way someone like Dean has never prayed before and he had no answer, praying and screaming there, he felt lost, and abandoned... alone.
**
Thats'a all, Dean is always alone, when Mom left, When Dad left, when Sam left, down the pit with Alastair, coming back, he's been alone, maybe because he's not good enough,. maybe because he's not important, after all he even felt good knowing he was a vessel, he meant something for Heaven and for the whole Apocalyps, but even then he was replaceable, he couldn't even Save Adam, maybe because he wanted to get rid of him, the one who without any effort was enough for dad Dean swings the bottle up and drinks half of it in one swallow, the Whiskey burning all the way into his stomach, he feels lonely right now, Sam and Bobby researching on what to do about Castiel and more memories fill his head What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved, and he? he's sitting here being useless. "that's it...enough" he says and goes out, to find someone who would care for him, at least for a while, once he's hidden inside a nameless faceless chick, and she's calling his name, saying how good he is, saying how much she loves him, he feels warm for like a second, then... then he feels empty and lost, even more alone than before...
Dean cries all the way back to Bobby's without anyone to notice he's feeling bad. That he's feeling alone, that he's been feeling like that since he was four.
;;;
The end
_________________________________________________________________________________
So.. what do you guys think?
Universe: Supernatural
Rating: Gen
Gender: Hurt!Dean
Author: Kali no Beta (yet)
Summary: Dean's feeling blue, he feels everything bad in his life so far is his fault.
A/N I always think about stories I'd like to write in those moments full of stress when I need a Haven from all the bad things at work. This comes from back at S5 finale, but I had to add a part that makes it even sadder. Edit: thinking on adding another part now.
:::
Dean wakes up after a nightmare, and Mommy is right there, she's always there, she tucks him in again and sings for him for few minutes, until everything is okay and the last thing he feels is her kiss, and the warm feeling of being protected, of being cared after, of being loved, while mommy is here, he would never feel alone... Until that night, Dean played with dad, he was back after a while and he really wanted to spend some time with Dad, he fell asleep the second he hits the pillow.
But in his dream this person/monster/angel? keeps asking him to wake up and help his brother, as usual, Dean Winchester at only four years wakes up, scarred and crying, and for once... Mommy is not there for him, she's not there because she's dead, she left him alone.
after that day.. Dean always feels alone
****
"Sam! Sammy... Wait!" he grabs the jacket but when the guy turns around is not Sam is someone older that looks at Dean's face startled and angry.
Sam left two days ago and Dad's been mad at him for that reason, Dean is 21 and he can handle this, but it doesn't change the fact that he feels lost, without Sam, Dean has no purpose, no reason, without Sam dean is alone once more and it hurts...
Dad is hurting too Dean thinks, that's why he can't talk about Sam and why he's always pushing harder, being harder than ever because Dean needs to believe there's a reason for his dad to act like his son is not important. John in all his sorrow is hurting Dean not even noticing it. Bobby has to stitch Dean up for the second time after training going wrong and asked both of them what happened;"it was my fault" lies Dean "I wasn't fast enough" Bobby knows different.
After Sam left the first time; Dean felt betrayed, and guilty and scared of what Dad would do to him, and he was right. This time he just feels empty and worthless
When Sam was there they used to fight yes... but then there was always time for dinner when the three of them would laugh over stupid stuff and times when Dad would talk to Dean like he's there, like he cared for him.
Times with Sam just being there, to talk to, to smile at or smile back, to be safe and close, to make Dean complete.
Now? Now Dean always feels alone...
;;;
"..and then we can buy you another one..." Lisa frowns Dean is not paying atention... AGAIN! is like they're not discussing his birthday. "Dean?" and he gasps, actually gasps!
"Sorry... you were saying...?" he says smiling, hiding his eyes for a moment so sad and so lost that she had not courage to be mad.
"I was saying that we could do whatever you want for your birthday we don't have to invite anyone..."
"but you two were waiting for this... " he says "you've been getting ready all month..."
"But you don't want this, and I get it, is for me and for Ben, not for you, we can do whatever you feel like doing on your birthday" and caresses his arm and kisses Dean and he feels bad for this, she's been excited about his birthday since christmas.
So you got to promise me something. You got to promise not to try to bring me back.
Dean agrees to have the party, there are more of Lisa's friends than his, after al he has almost no friends, he has nothing after Sam left, he's all alone after Sam left... and he feels the tears choking him when someone turns the lights off and Ben starts singing that stupid song and he has memory flashes I don't like getting singled out at birthday parties, much less by... God. and Sam leaving and he feels alone in a room full of people looking at him cheering at him when he blowed the candles he feels all alone, more alone than he ever felt.
He's amazed he could keep the smile the whole time.
That night he called for Castiel in the backyard, he prayed in a way someone like Dean has never prayed before and he had no answer, praying and screaming there, he felt lost, and abandoned... alone.
**
Thats'a all, Dean is always alone, when Mom left, When Dad left, when Sam left, down the pit with Alastair, coming back, he's been alone, maybe because he's not good enough,. maybe because he's not important, after all he even felt good knowing he was a vessel, he meant something for Heaven and for the whole Apocalyps, but even then he was replaceable, he couldn't even Save Adam, maybe because he wanted to get rid of him, the one who without any effort was enough for dad Dean swings the bottle up and drinks half of it in one swallow, the Whiskey burning all the way into his stomach, he feels lonely right now, Sam and Bobby researching on what to do about Castiel and more memories fill his head What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved, and he? he's sitting here being useless. "that's it...enough" he says and goes out, to find someone who would care for him, at least for a while, once he's hidden inside a nameless faceless chick, and she's calling his name, saying how good he is, saying how much she loves him, he feels warm for like a second, then... then he feels empty and lost, even more alone than before...
Dean cries all the way back to Bobby's without anyone to notice he's feeling bad. That he's feeling alone, that he's been feeling like that since he was four.
;;;
The end
_________________________________________________________________________________
So.. what do you guys think?