Hemione's Talent Chapters 3-8
Chapter 3 appears to have been phoned in, possibly on Enoby's black mobile. There's no cod psychoanalysis or overwrought drama, just incredibly bland descriptions of the Hogwarts student body rocking out to Hermione's next musical number. Which song, I hear you ask?
The next song I'm going to sing is by a band that some of you guys might actually know its a band called My Chemical Romance, the song is called I'm Not Ok (I Promise).
Talent!Hermione is not related to Gerard Way but wishes she was because he's a major fucking hottie. Also, seven anachronism points.
ANACHRONISM POINTS: 33
What follows is the chapter in its entirety, minus of course the song lyrics.
I could tell that most of the people here knew the song. [And even if it had been released yet, why on Earth would they?] They were jumping up and down and singing to the song. I could've sworn I saw a few Slytherins singing the song as well. I was a little shocked when I saw that.
Thinking it would be fun I jumped out into the crowd and started crowd surfing. It was so much fun!
I started jumping up and down knowing everyone was having a good time I looked to the crowd and couldn't help but smile.
This was my favorite part of the whole song so I had to make it amazing.
I jumped back in the crowd and started singing; [lyrics]
The song ended I got put back up on stage took a bow.
About the only positive thing I can say about this is that the spelling is better than in the previous two chapters. Maybe the author has discovered her F7 key. I still wouldn't give this any more than a level 3 if I was marking it, and it's quite clear that she doesn't have Hermione's talent. On to Chapter 4.
Hey Mione,
*grinds teeth*
can you please sing Green Day's
HALLELUJAH A BAND WHO ACTUALLY EXISTED...
21 Guns?
Oh. Twelve anachronism points, then (ANACHRONISM POINTS: 45) and I'm sure the lyrics will resonate perfectly with people who need the newspaper to tell them what a gun even is.
I felt the tears streaming down my face and and saw that everyone had tears in their eyes.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have had the vindaloo."
"This song goes out to all the girls that have been told they can't do something, well actually you can take it however you want but it's one of my favorite songs by Gween Stefani
Is she a Gwen Stefani tribute act?
it's called Hollaback Girl."
And is worth a cool eight anachronism points.
ANACHRONISM POINTS: 53
I could tell the girls were enjoying this song. Some weren't even letting the guy's dance with them they would only dance with the girls. It was so funny to watch!
Girl power, as interpreted by someone who strips Hermione of her intelligence and slut-shames her romantic rival. It looks pretty much as you'd expect.
I could tell people were loving the songs I've picked out I just wish they would give me some hip-hop songs to sing. I mean Neville has been wanting to get up here and sing well rap with me.
Savour this image for a moment: RAPPING NEVILLE.
This shit is bananas
That's putting it mildly.
Ok everyone me and Neville have dicided to sing a song called Airplanes by B.o.B.
Thirteen anachronism points!
ANACHRONISM POINTS: 66
Oh, and Wikipedia tells me that the female vocals on the song were performed by Hayley Williams of Paramore. Do we have a theme developing here?
Just as I thought everyone was stairing at Neville like he had just sprout three heads.
Even the author thinks that rapping Neville is ridiculous. I'll never get tired of typing "rapping Neville". It's original in the same way Hogwarts Exposed was original, in that it's something nobody had ever thought was a remotely good idea before and most people probably still don't.
Everyone was cheering for Neville, I've never seen him so happy as he is right now.
Remember, kids: if your parents have been tortured into insanity and you struggle with confidence and the weight of your surviving family's expectations, all you need to do is perform a three-minute rap and everything will be fine!
"So everyone ready to see me loosen up a bit for the 1st time in like forever? Cause I'm going to sing a song that is really sexy. The song is called Rude Boy by Rihanna."
Before my head comes completely undone, let's have another thirteen anachronism points.
ANACHRONISM POINTS: 79
I started shaking my hips and ript off the pants I was wearing, to show me wearing a really mini plaid skirt with fishnet stockings, then I ript my shirt off to show me wearing a school girl's belly shirt with a tie and everything. I had my hair all messy like I just had sex, just to complete the song.
Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way wants her outfit back.
I started doing the dance Ginny tought me this summer when I made her listen to this song and they made up a ruitne.
Isn't that an asteroid?
I started walking down the stage of the steps as sexy as I could. I knew who I was going to dance with, and that person was a blonde headed Slytherin named Draco Malfoy.
Who's a girl now, apparently.
I started dancing up and down, grinding up and down on Malfoy. At first he didn't do anything he was in to much shock, but then he grabbed my hips and started dancing with me. Which shocked me this time, but I kept dancing with him, I didn't want to move from his body. It just felt so right to me at the moment. I could tell he was getting horny and I knew he could tell I was getting horny as well.
Then he put his thingie in her you-know-what and they did it for the first time.
I knew one thing Draco didn't have a hard time getting it up.
If this double entendre was intentional it's pathetic and if it wasn't it's just silly.
(By the way I'm going to change the rating to this story to M just in case of later chapters.)
After we've already had a whole load of (albeit undescriptive) shagging and cluster F-bombs.
"I can't believe Draco Malfoy just kissed you Hermione! You are so lucky!"
"Hey Gin"
Ginny has the hots for Draco, for no apparent reason. Except possibly that the author has read the Draco Trilogy.
"HERMIONE WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU ALLOW HIM TO DO ALL THAT STUFF TO YOU? YOU WHERE ACTING LIKE NOTHING BUT A FUCKING SLUT!"
And Ron with the ALLCAPS OF DOOM and OOC swearing.
"HOW DARE YOU SAY SHIT TO ME RONALD, YOU HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK! YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH LAVENDER ON OUR ONE YEAR ANNIVERSERY!
Your first anniversary, dammit. Are you Hermione or not?
SO DON'T CALL ME A FUCKING SLUT YOU GIT.
I like how Talent!Hermione swears like a sailor sitting on a discarded syringe and yet doesn't seem to know any actual insults stronger than "git".
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR STILL HOLDING THAT AGAINST ME YOU REALLY ARE NOTHING BUT A MUDBLOOD..."
Next thing I know I see Draco punching Ron right in the jaw.
Talent!Hermione needs Draco Malfoy of all people to defend her honour. Isn't the hypocritical little piss-weasel the very reason she even knows what the word Mudblood means?
"Draco you didn't have to do that, I can take care of myself.
Which does put her a step up from HE!Hermione, not that this is difficult.
I got on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek to show I really meant what I just said.
Is Draco really that much taller than Hermione? There's no real canon on the matter, but he's certainly never described as towering over her. Or indeed anyone.
I couldn't help but giggle.
Nor could I.
The next song I'm going to sing is by a band that some of you guys might actually know its a band called My Chemical Romance, the song is called I'm Not Ok (I Promise).
Talent!Hermione is not related to Gerard Way but wishes she was because he's a major fucking hottie. Also, seven anachronism points.
ANACHRONISM POINTS: 33
What follows is the chapter in its entirety, minus of course the song lyrics.
I could tell that most of the people here knew the song. [And even if it had been released yet, why on Earth would they?] They were jumping up and down and singing to the song. I could've sworn I saw a few Slytherins singing the song as well. I was a little shocked when I saw that.
Thinking it would be fun I jumped out into the crowd and started crowd surfing. It was so much fun!
I started jumping up and down knowing everyone was having a good time I looked to the crowd and couldn't help but smile.
This was my favorite part of the whole song so I had to make it amazing.
I jumped back in the crowd and started singing; [lyrics]
The song ended I got put back up on stage took a bow.
About the only positive thing I can say about this is that the spelling is better than in the previous two chapters. Maybe the author has discovered her F7 key. I still wouldn't give this any more than a level 3 if I was marking it, and it's quite clear that she doesn't have Hermione's talent. On to Chapter 4.
Hey Mione,
*grinds teeth*
can you please sing Green Day's
HALLELUJAH A BAND WHO ACTUALLY EXISTED...
21 Guns?
Oh. Twelve anachronism points, then (ANACHRONISM POINTS: 45) and I'm sure the lyrics will resonate perfectly with people who need the newspaper to tell them what a gun even is.
I felt the tears streaming down my face and and saw that everyone had tears in their eyes.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have had the vindaloo."
"This song goes out to all the girls that have been told they can't do something, well actually you can take it however you want but it's one of my favorite songs by Gween Stefani
Is she a Gwen Stefani tribute act?
it's called Hollaback Girl."
And is worth a cool eight anachronism points.
ANACHRONISM POINTS: 53
I could tell the girls were enjoying this song. Some weren't even letting the guy's dance with them they would only dance with the girls. It was so funny to watch!
Girl power, as interpreted by someone who strips Hermione of her intelligence and slut-shames her romantic rival. It looks pretty much as you'd expect.
I could tell people were loving the songs I've picked out I just wish they would give me some hip-hop songs to sing. I mean Neville has been wanting to get up here and sing well rap with me.
Savour this image for a moment: RAPPING NEVILLE.
This shit is bananas
That's putting it mildly.
Ok everyone me and Neville have dicided to sing a song called Airplanes by B.o.B.
Thirteen anachronism points!
ANACHRONISM POINTS: 66
Oh, and Wikipedia tells me that the female vocals on the song were performed by Hayley Williams of Paramore. Do we have a theme developing here?
Just as I thought everyone was stairing at Neville like he had just sprout three heads.
Even the author thinks that rapping Neville is ridiculous. I'll never get tired of typing "rapping Neville". It's original in the same way Hogwarts Exposed was original, in that it's something nobody had ever thought was a remotely good idea before and most people probably still don't.
Everyone was cheering for Neville, I've never seen him so happy as he is right now.
Remember, kids: if your parents have been tortured into insanity and you struggle with confidence and the weight of your surviving family's expectations, all you need to do is perform a three-minute rap and everything will be fine!
"So everyone ready to see me loosen up a bit for the 1st time in like forever? Cause I'm going to sing a song that is really sexy. The song is called Rude Boy by Rihanna."
Before my head comes completely undone, let's have another thirteen anachronism points.
ANACHRONISM POINTS: 79
I started shaking my hips and ript off the pants I was wearing, to show me wearing a really mini plaid skirt with fishnet stockings, then I ript my shirt off to show me wearing a school girl's belly shirt with a tie and everything. I had my hair all messy like I just had sex, just to complete the song.
Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way wants her outfit back.
I started doing the dance Ginny tought me this summer when I made her listen to this song and they made up a ruitne.
Isn't that an asteroid?
I started walking down the stage of the steps as sexy as I could. I knew who I was going to dance with, and that person was a blonde headed Slytherin named Draco Malfoy.
Who's a girl now, apparently.
I started dancing up and down, grinding up and down on Malfoy. At first he didn't do anything he was in to much shock, but then he grabbed my hips and started dancing with me. Which shocked me this time, but I kept dancing with him, I didn't want to move from his body. It just felt so right to me at the moment. I could tell he was getting horny and I knew he could tell I was getting horny as well.
Then he put his thingie in her you-know-what and they did it for the first time.
I knew one thing Draco didn't have a hard time getting it up.
If this double entendre was intentional it's pathetic and if it wasn't it's just silly.
(By the way I'm going to change the rating to this story to M just in case of later chapters.)
After we've already had a whole load of (albeit undescriptive) shagging and cluster F-bombs.
"I can't believe Draco Malfoy just kissed you Hermione! You are so lucky!"
"Hey Gin"
Ginny has the hots for Draco, for no apparent reason. Except possibly that the author has read the Draco Trilogy.
"HERMIONE WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU ALLOW HIM TO DO ALL THAT STUFF TO YOU? YOU WHERE ACTING LIKE NOTHING BUT A FUCKING SLUT!"
And Ron with the ALLCAPS OF DOOM and OOC swearing.
"HOW DARE YOU SAY SHIT TO ME RONALD, YOU HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK! YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH LAVENDER ON OUR ONE YEAR ANNIVERSERY!
Your first anniversary, dammit. Are you Hermione or not?
SO DON'T CALL ME A FUCKING SLUT YOU GIT.
I like how Talent!Hermione swears like a sailor sitting on a discarded syringe and yet doesn't seem to know any actual insults stronger than "git".
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR STILL HOLDING THAT AGAINST ME YOU REALLY ARE NOTHING BUT A MUDBLOOD..."
Next thing I know I see Draco punching Ron right in the jaw.
Talent!Hermione needs Draco Malfoy of all people to defend her honour. Isn't the hypocritical little piss-weasel the very reason she even knows what the word Mudblood means?
"Draco you didn't have to do that, I can take care of myself.
Which does put her a step up from HE!Hermione, not that this is difficult.
I got on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek to show I really meant what I just said.
Is Draco really that much taller than Hermione? There's no real canon on the matter, but he's certainly never described as towering over her. Or indeed anyone.
I couldn't help but giggle.
Nor could I.