Hogwarts Exposed Chapter 24 part 8
Last time on The Secret Diary of Jamie Zacherley Aged 15¾, she was stressing over her exams. Even though we know she's going to pass, because she's a Sue.
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Well, I’m sure that was a waste of time. Our Astronomy O.W.L started last evening after dinner and just finished before breakfast.
Since the sun rises long before breakfast in Scotland in June, what exactly were they looking at for those last few hours?
Therefore, I spent most of yesterday sleeping in preparation and will probably sleep most of today. I may as well have slept through the entire test, too. All stars look so much alike. I tried to fill out all the star charts and connect this moon to this planet and all that mumbo jumbo, but if I got a one, I’ll consider it a miracle.
Hermione is excellent at Astronomy and Harry is okay, so I'm not sure why their Sue-hybrid is hopeless. If we'd already been shown that she's no good at it rather than had it pulled out of nowhere to manufacture artificial tension, it would have worked better.
Why can’t people be content to just look at stars and watch them twinkle?
Alex’s eyes were twinkling last night. He looked like he was floating on a cloud. I hope he isn’t disappointed when our time comes to join.
Virginity is all-important in the HEverse except when it isn't, so I guess it stands to reason there'd be a virginity-losing ("joining") ceremony.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
The Charms O.W.L. went well, as I hoped it would, but I fear it’s a case of too little too late. I’m sure I got a two because basic and intermediate were fairly easy. I stayed and tried for advanced credit, but that involved dueling with the Professor.
Who is the Charms teacher in this? Is it Flitwick or someone else? I did a text find for his name, including obvious misspellings, and it came up blank.
My time was much better than that of Amanda or Alex, but I was disarmed so I doubt that I’ll get a three.
So you were best in the class and still not sure if you'll get a three? What kind of marking scheme is this?
Thursday, June 17, 2004
I knew before I took my Transfiguration test today that I had blown any chance of getting a total of thirteen, but I was determined to do my best for Hermione. The basic test was changing inanimate objects into animate ones and visa versa.
Ahem.
I guess I tried a little too hard because after I had done my tenth Transfiguration Hermione said, “That will be quite enough Miss Zacherley; you have obviously mastered this ability.”
Don't hold your breath that the author has mastered semicolons, despite this one being in the right place.
The intermediate test was to take one object and continue to change it from form to form as many times as you could until you started to lose control. Most of the class could only do it two or three times. Alex managed five and Amanda six. Hermione seemed surprised and quite impressed when I reached eight.
Jamie's very first mention in the fic was Hermione gushing about what a good student she was. In that case, why would she be surprised at her doing well in the exam?
I was the only one who returned after lunch because I was the only student attempting an Animagus transfiguration.
So you have to be an Animagus in fifth year to get a three. Now there's precedent for an extra-credit exam that only a tiny minority of students will attempt, but I still feel that the system in this fic doesn't bear close scrutiny.
I could no longer get a thirteen and I doubted anyway that Potion Master Malfoy would give any Gryffindors passing scores, even basic.
Why? HE!Draco has been established as wearing the proverbial leather pants throughout the fic, however much the author now tries to convince us that he's evil.
Incidentally, on the "author changing his mind" point, does anyone believe him when he says that he didn't originally intend Wrong to be a villain? I mean, she's called Wrong. I suppose he could have intended her as an ineffectual authority figure, which would have been more in keeping with his portrayal of women in general.
Cut to their quarters the following Saturday.
Today, Harry had promised to give Emily some flying lessons and Caitlin decided to tag along. Jamie had begged off, she liked it when she and Hermione could spend some time alone just talking over a cup of tea.
They're conveniently out of the way, so it's expospeak time:
“Will you get to see the results of the O.W.L. s before they are given to the students?” Jamie inquired of Hermione.
“No. None of the professors including the headmaster sees the results until you receive them. We all give the scores to the elf in charge of student statistics. She compiles the scores and prepares the letters that you receive next Friday at breakfast. At the same time she makes a master sheet with all the students’ scores listed. The Headmaster, the School Board of Directors and all the professors receive a copy of this at the same time you get your letters. How do you think you did?”
The exam results seem to come out a lot sooner than they do in canon or real life. I suppose it makes a sort of sense as they're being marked in-house rather than sent off to the exam board.
Jamie looked at Hermione as she struggled to hold back tears.
This is different from every other moment in this fic how?
She idolized this woman so much that the thought of disappointing her caused Jamie anguish.
Show us her thoughts. Show us her feelings. Don't give us a bland summary of her current psychological state as though we've just plugged her into a diagnostic computer.
Hermione reached over and took Jamie’s hand in hers. “You haven’t disappointed me and I doubt you ever will. You’ve constantly been at the top of many of your subjects and I watched how hard you studied over the last few months. I know you tried your best. Thirteen is difficult to achieve in the O.W.L.s. But don’t write yourself off just yet. I can tell you that you got a full three from me and that Harry gave you a two. That’s a total of five in two subjects. You only need eight more.”
If most people who take an O.W.L. can only be expected to score "one", which follows directly from how thirteen is difficult to achieve from nine subjects and Hermione's own sixteen was unprecedented, how does this cock-eyed system actually distinguish between the majority of students? It's as though GCSEs merged A*, A, B and C into a single passing grade and forced the people who'd have got A* to sit an extra exam to prove it.
Jamie felt the need to change the subject before she started to cry.
She was about to cry? That's new information we've not yet had. Jamie relates the tale of the unicorn and Hermione tells her that, as had indeed already been implied, it thought she was its mate. I'm marking Jamie's POV in the usual blue and Hermione's in red for the sake of illustration.
By the time Jamie had finished the story, Hermione had a look of horror on her face. “Thank god Charlie distracted the unicorn so that you could escape. He might have killed you; he certainly would have hurt you severely. I’ve read of such things, but it’s so rare I never even thought to mention it to you.” Hermione started crying. [Take a shot!] “If something had happened to you, I would have never forgiven myself.”
Jamie had a total look of bewilderment on her face. “I don’t think he would have attacked me. He acted more like he liked me and was trying to protect me.”
“He did like you. That’s the problem. The unicorn was protecting you. He had chosen you as his mate.”
Suddenly Jamie’s had a look of extreme revulsion on her face. “Mate with me! You mean that animal wanted to….” She couldn’t bring she self to say it. “That’s sick. I’ve read stories about some people doing disgusting things with animals, but the unicorn? Why would a unicorn want to…? Ugh!” Jamie suddenly felt sick in the stomach.
I'd rant here, but How Not To Write a Novel says it better than I could:
So, you wrote Chapter One from Ann's point of view as she throws Joe's shirts out int the street. Then you wrote Chapter Two from Joe's point of view as he shops for skin care products. Now they're together in a room. Surely you can use both points of view, because you set that all up-right?
No. Even if the reader has been previously introduced into Joe's and Ann's minds, she has no wish to jump frantically back and forth from one to the other. Regardless of the setup, this alienates the reader from both perspectives. She is unable to identify with either because there's no telling when it will be yanked away.
("The Tennis Match", How Not To Write a Novel pp. 160-1.)
Now you can generally tell when you're in a person's POV because their feelings are being described directly, rather than by reference to expressions or body language. Conversely, you don't say "Alice's face had a look of horror" if you're in her POV, but rather describe her horror in terms of how she actually feels rather than what Bob would see.
“Do you remember how I told you the animal chooses you rather you choosing the animal?” Jamie nodded her head. “In your case, I think you already had many qualities held by unicorns
Sue alert!
“Are you trying to say that I’m part unicorn? I’m not going to get a horn on my forehead and grow long white hair, am I?” Part of Jamie was being facetious, but part of her was concerned.
“No, not likely.” Hermione responded. “I’m talking more about intuitive skills such as judging virtuousness and knowing whether to trust people.”
Like how she was able to tell that Tony was completely trustworthy and wouldn't try forcing himself on Amanda. Oh, wait.
Hermione laughed. “Then I think you and Alex will both be extremely miserable. I doubt that will become a problem. However, since you brought up the subject of men getting near you. I’d like to talk to you about Harry. Are you aware that he is afraid to touch you?”
Because he doesn't trust himself with underage girls, yet is fine living with three of them and teaching at a school.
Jamie nodded her head disconsolately. “I imagine it’s all my fault. He doesn’t seem able to get beyond seeing me as that vixen that offered her body to him. Hermione, if I were given the opportunity to undo just one thing that I did in my life; it would be that night.
And that semicolon.
I worship the relationship you and I have now as sisters. I’d give anything to have Harry treat me like a sister.”
Then maybe you should have thought about that before you decided to demonstrate that nudity is completely nonsexual by forcing your naked self on him.
“Jamie we both know and love Harry. Harry doesn’t have a perverted bone in his body,
I beg to differ. And this looks like a suspiciously specific denial to me: if he's not a pervert, why does she even need to point that out?
but he also likes to win. I’m sure that you’ve seen that when he and the girls wrestle sometimes hands momentarily touch or grab at places.
If that's as perfectly natural as Hermione (and the author) would like us to think, then why would she have noticed? For someone who tries to present this as an intelligent fanfic on the level of something like (well) PoU, the author's approach to logic makes Tara Gilesbie look like a Vulcan.
Continued...
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Well, I’m sure that was a waste of time. Our Astronomy O.W.L started last evening after dinner and just finished before breakfast.
Since the sun rises long before breakfast in Scotland in June, what exactly were they looking at for those last few hours?
Therefore, I spent most of yesterday sleeping in preparation and will probably sleep most of today. I may as well have slept through the entire test, too. All stars look so much alike. I tried to fill out all the star charts and connect this moon to this planet and all that mumbo jumbo, but if I got a one, I’ll consider it a miracle.
Hermione is excellent at Astronomy and Harry is okay, so I'm not sure why their Sue-hybrid is hopeless. If we'd already been shown that she's no good at it rather than had it pulled out of nowhere to manufacture artificial tension, it would have worked better.
Why can’t people be content to just look at stars and watch them twinkle?
Alex’s eyes were twinkling last night. He looked like he was floating on a cloud. I hope he isn’t disappointed when our time comes to join.
Virginity is all-important in the HEverse except when it isn't, so I guess it stands to reason there'd be a virginity-losing ("joining") ceremony.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
The Charms O.W.L. went well, as I hoped it would, but I fear it’s a case of too little too late. I’m sure I got a two because basic and intermediate were fairly easy. I stayed and tried for advanced credit, but that involved dueling with the Professor.
Who is the Charms teacher in this? Is it Flitwick or someone else? I did a text find for his name, including obvious misspellings, and it came up blank.
My time was much better than that of Amanda or Alex, but I was disarmed so I doubt that I’ll get a three.
So you were best in the class and still not sure if you'll get a three? What kind of marking scheme is this?
Thursday, June 17, 2004
I knew before I took my Transfiguration test today that I had blown any chance of getting a total of thirteen, but I was determined to do my best for Hermione. The basic test was changing inanimate objects into animate ones and visa versa.
Ahem.
I guess I tried a little too hard because after I had done my tenth Transfiguration Hermione said, “That will be quite enough Miss Zacherley; you have obviously mastered this ability.”
Don't hold your breath that the author has mastered semicolons, despite this one being in the right place.
The intermediate test was to take one object and continue to change it from form to form as many times as you could until you started to lose control. Most of the class could only do it two or three times. Alex managed five and Amanda six. Hermione seemed surprised and quite impressed when I reached eight.
Jamie's very first mention in the fic was Hermione gushing about what a good student she was. In that case, why would she be surprised at her doing well in the exam?
I was the only one who returned after lunch because I was the only student attempting an Animagus transfiguration.
So you have to be an Animagus in fifth year to get a three. Now there's precedent for an extra-credit exam that only a tiny minority of students will attempt, but I still feel that the system in this fic doesn't bear close scrutiny.
I could no longer get a thirteen and I doubted anyway that Potion Master Malfoy would give any Gryffindors passing scores, even basic.
Why? HE!Draco has been established as wearing the proverbial leather pants throughout the fic, however much the author now tries to convince us that he's evil.
Incidentally, on the "author changing his mind" point, does anyone believe him when he says that he didn't originally intend Wrong to be a villain? I mean, she's called Wrong. I suppose he could have intended her as an ineffectual authority figure, which would have been more in keeping with his portrayal of women in general.
Cut to their quarters the following Saturday.
Today, Harry had promised to give Emily some flying lessons and Caitlin decided to tag along. Jamie had begged off, she liked it when she and Hermione could spend some time alone just talking over a cup of tea.
They're conveniently out of the way, so it's expospeak time:
“Will you get to see the results of the O.W.L. s before they are given to the students?” Jamie inquired of Hermione.
“No. None of the professors including the headmaster sees the results until you receive them. We all give the scores to the elf in charge of student statistics. She compiles the scores and prepares the letters that you receive next Friday at breakfast. At the same time she makes a master sheet with all the students’ scores listed. The Headmaster, the School Board of Directors and all the professors receive a copy of this at the same time you get your letters. How do you think you did?”
The exam results seem to come out a lot sooner than they do in canon or real life. I suppose it makes a sort of sense as they're being marked in-house rather than sent off to the exam board.
Jamie looked at Hermione as she struggled to hold back tears.
This is different from every other moment in this fic how?
She idolized this woman so much that the thought of disappointing her caused Jamie anguish.
Show us her thoughts. Show us her feelings. Don't give us a bland summary of her current psychological state as though we've just plugged her into a diagnostic computer.
Hermione reached over and took Jamie’s hand in hers. “You haven’t disappointed me and I doubt you ever will. You’ve constantly been at the top of many of your subjects and I watched how hard you studied over the last few months. I know you tried your best. Thirteen is difficult to achieve in the O.W.L.s. But don’t write yourself off just yet. I can tell you that you got a full three from me and that Harry gave you a two. That’s a total of five in two subjects. You only need eight more.”
If most people who take an O.W.L. can only be expected to score "one", which follows directly from how thirteen is difficult to achieve from nine subjects and Hermione's own sixteen was unprecedented, how does this cock-eyed system actually distinguish between the majority of students? It's as though GCSEs merged A*, A, B and C into a single passing grade and forced the people who'd have got A* to sit an extra exam to prove it.
Jamie felt the need to change the subject before she started to cry.
She was about to cry? That's new information we've not yet had. Jamie relates the tale of the unicorn and Hermione tells her that, as had indeed already been implied, it thought she was its mate. I'm marking Jamie's POV in the usual blue and Hermione's in red for the sake of illustration.
By the time Jamie had finished the story, Hermione had a look of horror on her face. “Thank god Charlie distracted the unicorn so that you could escape. He might have killed you; he certainly would have hurt you severely. I’ve read of such things, but it’s so rare I never even thought to mention it to you.” Hermione started crying. [Take a shot!] “If something had happened to you, I would have never forgiven myself.”
Jamie had a total look of bewilderment on her face. “I don’t think he would have attacked me. He acted more like he liked me and was trying to protect me.”
“He did like you. That’s the problem. The unicorn was protecting you. He had chosen you as his mate.”
Suddenly Jamie’s had a look of extreme revulsion on her face. “Mate with me! You mean that animal wanted to….” She couldn’t bring she self to say it. “That’s sick. I’ve read stories about some people doing disgusting things with animals, but the unicorn? Why would a unicorn want to…? Ugh!” Jamie suddenly felt sick in the stomach.
I'd rant here, but How Not To Write a Novel says it better than I could:
So, you wrote Chapter One from Ann's point of view as she throws Joe's shirts out int the street. Then you wrote Chapter Two from Joe's point of view as he shops for skin care products. Now they're together in a room. Surely you can use both points of view, because you set that all up-right?
No. Even if the reader has been previously introduced into Joe's and Ann's minds, she has no wish to jump frantically back and forth from one to the other. Regardless of the setup, this alienates the reader from both perspectives. She is unable to identify with either because there's no telling when it will be yanked away.
("The Tennis Match", How Not To Write a Novel pp. 160-1.)
Now you can generally tell when you're in a person's POV because their feelings are being described directly, rather than by reference to expressions or body language. Conversely, you don't say "Alice's face had a look of horror" if you're in her POV, but rather describe her horror in terms of how she actually feels rather than what Bob would see.
“Do you remember how I told you the animal chooses you rather you choosing the animal?” Jamie nodded her head. “In your case, I think you already had many qualities held by unicorns
Sue alert!
“Are you trying to say that I’m part unicorn? I’m not going to get a horn on my forehead and grow long white hair, am I?” Part of Jamie was being facetious, but part of her was concerned.
“No, not likely.” Hermione responded. “I’m talking more about intuitive skills such as judging virtuousness and knowing whether to trust people.”
Like how she was able to tell that Tony was completely trustworthy and wouldn't try forcing himself on Amanda. Oh, wait.
Hermione laughed. “Then I think you and Alex will both be extremely miserable. I doubt that will become a problem. However, since you brought up the subject of men getting near you. I’d like to talk to you about Harry. Are you aware that he is afraid to touch you?”
Because he doesn't trust himself with underage girls, yet is fine living with three of them and teaching at a school.
Jamie nodded her head disconsolately. “I imagine it’s all my fault. He doesn’t seem able to get beyond seeing me as that vixen that offered her body to him. Hermione, if I were given the opportunity to undo just one thing that I did in my life; it would be that night.
And that semicolon.
I worship the relationship you and I have now as sisters. I’d give anything to have Harry treat me like a sister.”
Then maybe you should have thought about that before you decided to demonstrate that nudity is completely nonsexual by forcing your naked self on him.
“Jamie we both know and love Harry. Harry doesn’t have a perverted bone in his body,
I beg to differ. And this looks like a suspiciously specific denial to me: if he's not a pervert, why does she even need to point that out?
but he also likes to win. I’m sure that you’ve seen that when he and the girls wrestle sometimes hands momentarily touch or grab at places.
If that's as perfectly natural as Hermione (and the author) would like us to think, then why would she have noticed? For someone who tries to present this as an intelligent fanfic on the level of something like (well) PoU, the author's approach to logic makes Tara Gilesbie look like a Vulcan.
Continued...