Comments | szaleniec1000: Hogwarts Exposed Chapter 22 part 2

szaleniec1000

Hogwarts Exposed Chapter 22 part 2

Aug 19, 2011 02:10

In which everyone is naked and it's talked about a surprising amount considering that it's supposed to be no big deal.

( Hogwarts Exposed Chapter 22 )

show don't tell, badfic:hogwarts exposed, a description would be nice, up yours, department of redundancy department, i can has characterisation, pov!fail, fucking self-awareness how does it work, hogwarts school of oratory, welsh railway, hogwarts roboticised, message from fred, mione my arse, damning with faint praise, nudity for everyone, harry potter, harry the pervert, continuity isn't optional

Comments 16

fly_buggy_fly August 19 2011, 01:31:26 UTC

Alex had tender memories of the kisses and hugs they had shared in the Zacherleys’ bathroom on the day of the Yule Ball.

Nothing says "romance" like making out in a bathroom, amirite?

sickbritkid2 August 19 2011, 03:03:44 UTC

"Harry opened his eyes. Then closed them, rubbing them before he dared to open them again."

Wow. Just wow. Typos and Americanisms? Okay, fine. Horrible use of semicolons and commas? Okay, that can be pretty common in profic, much less fan fic...

But fucking SENTENCE FRAGMENTS!? For God's sake, I remember being almost beaten over the head about how stupid you would have to be to make THOSE sorts of errors in the fourth grade!

How many betas per chapter, again!?

szaleniec1000 August 19 2011, 12:56:09 UTC

When there are so many sentences that can be drastically improved without substantially changing the wording*, I have to wonder whether the extent of the "beta reading" was fawning over Neil and his fic on Yahoo.

* "Harry opened his eyes, then closed them. He rubbed them before he dared to open them again."

Horrible use of semicolons and commas? Okay, that can be pretty common in profic, much less fan fic...

*cough*Meyer*cough*

sickbritkid2 August 19 2011, 03:05:27 UTC

"'You do realize that makes you both more vulnerable to tickling,'"

Considering what we see happen later in this fic series, that sentence deeply disturbs me...

szaleniec1000 August 19 2011, 12:57:35 UTC

Considering the hints you and the TVTropes page have dropped about what happens later, me too.

sickbritkid2 August 19 2011, 03:09:20 UTC

"'Only if you can catch us, and I doubt you’ll be leaving that bed dressed as you aren’t.' Caitlin teased."

Neil: *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* *PANT* *PANT* *PANT* *long sigh*

"Caitlin hasn't been established as a character given to snarky one-liners."

Characterization consistency? In Hogwarts Exposed?!

Fat chance.

sickbritkid2 August 19 2011, 03:11:14 UTC

"Hermione was stunned that either Emily or Caitlin would use such a term."

Meanwhile, Jamie calling Caitlin a "whore" to her face was completely acceptable...