Hogwarts Exposed Chapter 19 part 1
Sorry for the delay. When last we left the wacky world of Hogwarts Exposed, Hermione had at long last shown some sign of actually wanting to escape from the clutches of the walking diabolus ex machina that is Damien.
Hermione lay completely immobile, pretending to be unconscious, as she struggled to hold back the tears. She could already feel her face being to swell. Damien had dislocated her jaw. “You damn bitch. Play me for a fool will you? You’ll pray to be dead, but I’ll keep you alive just so I can make you suffer.” Hermione’s body lay frozen as Damien made his way to the door leaving his clothes behind.
This seems to be a "previously on", right down to:
Crabbe and Doyle jumped from their chairs as the door slammed behind Damien.
... the typo in Goyle's name. Nothing comes of Damien streaking his hidden base with his dick bitten off, a situation the author has set up only to leave unresolved.
They watched as his skinny backside turned the corner.
Crabbe and Goyle are staring at their boss' arse. Even though:
Crabbe looked up at Goyle and said. “After what she did to him, I almost feel bad that we have to cut her apart.”
... they don't like him. I'm all for Foe Yay, but involving Crabbe and Goyle? Ew.
Goyle gradually pushed opened the door for them to enter. He had barely crossed the threshold of the room when he promptly halted causing Crabbe to nearly collide with him. He surveyed the bed and then the floor. There was no sign of Hermione’s nude body.
Yes, I don't think we'd quite established that she's been naked for the past two chapters.
“Where the hell is she!?” he shouted.
The words had barely escaped his lips when the great gray timber wolf appeared from behind the door. The wolf’s teeth were bared as its growl rumbled through the air. Goyle had no time to reach for his wand before the wolf leapt, knocking him to the floor and trapping Crabbe beneath him.
Now that's more like it. Why didn't she do that before?
The wolf limped a few steps before transfiguring back to a naked woman who sped down the corridor and up the steps to what appeared to be the main floor of an ornately appointed manor.
Surely Crabbe and Goyle, whoever's POV we're in right now, know what's up there?
Hermione saw at the far end of the hall what seemed to be the main foyer.
Ah, we've had another unannounced POV shift. Should be used to it by now.
She heard Crabbe and Goyle lumbering up the steps. She had to make it to the door before they reached the top of the steps. If they hit her with any spell that prevented her getaway, she was as good as dead. She dashed toward the door and reached for the handle. It was mercifully unlocked. She threw the door open and ran outside.
It doesn't work to establish and then immediately defuse tension within a single paragraph.
Hermione was completely disoriented. The last thing she remembered was opening a box containing a gift from Harry. Now she was lying naked in the snow. What more, her hand and jaw hurt terribly. Her jaw felt like it was broken and her hand; her fingers were smashed. Momentarily, Hermione just sat naked in the snow, in shock.
As I said in the comments a while back, Hermione gets convenient amnesia. Why? I don't know.
Hermione preferred being in control of her life
Which is why she sat back and let Harry take the initiative in all aspects of their relationship, clearly.
She had to figure out where she was and how to get back to Hogwarts. Eating would be impossible; she couldn’t possibly chew and depending on how long her fingers had been this way, Madame Pomfrey might not be able to undo the damage.
Unless it was inflicted by a curse, Madam Pomfrey would most certainly be able to undo the damage. Which is where this whole subplot falls down, really. Enjoy this rare sight of a properly-placed semicolon.
What concerned Hermione the most was that she felt extremely weak and light headed. Did she have enough strength to hold her wolf form?
Well, considering that Sirius managed to hold his own Animagus form after twelve years in Azkaban and swimming across the North Sea and Hermione is allegedly more powerful than he was, it might be a fair bet.
Damien sat before the fireplace dreading the impending appearance of the Great One’s face in the flames. Abruptly the face appeared.
Damien doesn't realise that the Great One is the Minister for Magic, even though he can see her face. Does he have prosopagnosia or does he just not read the Daily Prophet? Because otherwise this doesn't even begin to make sense.
“Great One, she has escaped.”
Much to Damien’s surprised the Great One remained composed. “What precisely happened?”
Damien hesitated slightly before speaking. "I was about to conduct the first loyalty test on her. She was on her knees in front of me about to give me oral pleasure.
Too much information! Why's he telling his boss things like this?
Suddenly she tried to crush my testicles and practically severed my organ when she bit it.”
I HATE THAT YOU HAVE A COCK!
Damien was surprised to see the resemblance of a smile on the Great One’s face.
The Great One takes pleasure in the suffering of her minions. She's evil, you know.
“Professor Granger is quite clever, but perhaps we have not yet lost the battle. She is a long way from home. I doubt she would try Apparating in her weakened state. And obviously she will not travel the road naked. She would freeze to death. Have Crabbe and Goyle pass the word to the nearby muggle villages that an American Timber Wolf has escaped in the area. The animal is wounded and extremely dangerous. Do not try to capture. Shoot to kill. Offer a £1,000 reward for the wolf’s skin.”
That... really, really doesn't happen with escaped animals in the UK. The public are generally advised to stay out of the way of the people trying to recapture the animal, such as police and animal control, as well as the animals themselves.
Slowly, the wolf painfully limped along the road as the sun set and the intensity of the snowstorm increased. The road was void of traffic as the wolf finally approached a signpost. Hermione was famished, having not eaten since breakfast. She had never eaten in her Animagus form before and doubted her human mind would allow her to kill and eat an animal raw.
Why Sirius Black is infinitely more awesome than Animagus!HE!Hermione: circumstances forced him to live on rats, but he just got on with it and didn't use it as yet another excuse for angst. Besides, when did her jaw start working again?
The wolf stared wonderingly at the strange sign that indicated Gartley was fivemiles in the direction that she had just come from, but gave no indication of what town was in the direction she was headed. Then as she walked closer to the signpost, the words ‘Hogsmeade twenty miles’ appeared. Evidently, this information was only visible to magical beings and then only at a close proximity.
This actually does make sense. I don't often see the question explored of how to get to Hogsmeade without magical transport, and a road with a sign that can only be seen by wizards fits the internal logic of the Potterverse. Anyway, she decides to press on rather than get help from the "muggles" and we get another cut back to Hogwarts.
Jamie couldn’t believe the time. It was two thirty in the morning. She was supposed to relieve Professor Potter thirty minutes ago, but had ignored her alarm. She quickly slipped on her boots and then grabbed her robes, not bothering to dress due to her lateness and the fact that no one would see her. As she ran through the halls her bare legs were exposed with each stride.
Why we needed to know about her being half undressed in this scene I don't know.
It was quarter to three when Jamie hurried through the infirmary door. Madame Pomfrey and Headmaster Snape had decided that for the girl’s safety, Caitlin should stay under constant supervision. Jamie was about to apologize to Harry for being late, but one look at the sleeping girl caused tears to form in Jamie’s eyes.
That's one for the drinking game for sure.
“Harry, what on earth happened to her?” she quietly asked so as to not wake Caitlin. The young girl had what looked like a birdcage fastened to her head.
It can be effective to have something described after the POV character reacts to it:
Harry walked into the room and stopped dead in his tracks. Voldemort was there.
Where this hypothetical example works and the narrative of Hogwarts Exposed doesn't is that the reaction here is a reflex. Harry's thoughts are "Oh shit, it's Voldemort!" so we see the consequences of "oh shit" before the situation gets fully described from his POV. So to apply that logic here:
Jamie walked into the hospital wing and stopped dead in her tracks. Caitlin had what looked like a birdcage fastened to her head.
It would still fail setting logic, but would work better as a fluent narrative than having her burst into tears, speak coherently to Harry and only then note what's going on.
Harry sat on a chair at the edge of the bed clutching Caitlin’s tiny hand between his two much larger hands. He looked up at Jamie; his red eyes giving away the fact that he had been crying. “Her jaw is dislocated. Madame Pomfrey promises she will be okay and out of this contraption tomorrow.”
Madam Pomfrey can mend bones in a second (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, page 131) but not dislocated jaws, apparently. And a brief glance at medical sites tells me that a dislocated jaw is more commonly just held in place with a bandage tied round the top of the head rather than wired up like a broken jaw.
Jamie put her arm around Harry’s shoulder. “Does that mean this happened to Hermione?”
Harry eyes filled with tears.
What, again? Cut back to Hermione trekking through the snow as a wolf.
"The scenery on her journey had not changed and the freezing temperatures, fever, injuries and hunger were starting to take their toll as the snow piled steadily deeper. A real wolf would have sought sanctuary long before now, but Hermione wasn’t a real wolf and realized if she stopped she would die. She had to make it to Hogwarts.
She hadn’t even troubled to consider how she would get in the castle. Obviously she couldn’t enter as a wolf and the idea of students seeing her naked certainly didn’t thrill her, but all she cared about right now was making it to the castle.
Yay completely gratuitous reference to nudity!
“I love you Harry. I love you Caitlin.”
* * * * * *
“I love you Mum,” Caitlin muttered in her sleep.
The juxtaposition of schlocky torture porn with this kind of glurge is as jarring as ever. Where Hogwarts Exposed fails even as other users of mood whiplash don't is the way it bounces between the extremes without handling them convincingly in any case.
Jamie eyes watched Caitlin as she tossed and turned restlessly. She got up from the chair and leaned down next to the sleeping girl. “She loves you, too. So do I. I love you both. Please get better.”
Jamie knelt next to the bed and stroked Caitlin’s arm as tears filled her eyes.
A pro-tip for handling them convincingly is not to give every single character exactly the same reaction to every single dramatic conflict.
“I better check her temperature,” Madame Pomfrey fretfully said. “You two are very close. It’s quite strange for a first year and fifth year to have such a strong relationship.”
“Caitlin’s like a little sister to me. She’s special. Plus we share a secret passion.”
“Is she a naturist, also?”
[...]
Pomfrey continued. “I got the idea you didn’t like knickers. And two of the times you were here were directly after summer vacation. It was difficult not to notice you were tanned everywhere. You also have a very confident attitude. All signs pointed to it.”
In which the author cheats at narration, because although these signs can add up to someone being a naturist it's still a very convenient leap of logic.
“I’m sure part of the reason she allows Caitlin to practice naturism is because you are a nudist. Hermione is quite fond of you.”
“I know. She is very special. If I can become just half the woman she is, I’ll be grateful.”
If only we'd actually been shown some evidence of how wonderful she is rather than having her blunder through the plot with no agency or initiative of her own.
“From what I’ve seen and heard these past years, you’re well on your way.
At least Jamie, hideous insufferable Sue as she undoubtedly is, has a backbone.
Sam woke from a contented sleep. “I just had the most wonderful dream. A handsome red haired man was caressing my boding so lovingly. It seemed like he had more in mind, but stopped. He certainly didn’t think I would object did he?”
Ron didn’t answer, but as she opened her eyes she heard what sounded like muffled crying. “Ron, are you all right? What’s wrong?”
“Sam, I feel terrible. Being with you makes me feel so happy, but that is so wrong. How can I be happy when my best friends are suffering? Hermione, for all I know, could be dead.”
Sam took Ron in her arms. “Everyday people lose the ones they love. The closer that feeling of love the stronger the hurt, but for the living life does goes on eventually. It may never be the same, but it goes on. I pray that Hermione is alive and that she makes it back to us, but she would never want you going through the rest of your life buried in sadness and remorse. She’d never want you to feel guilty about being happy.”
They didn’t make love, but as they held each other tightly and cried for their missing friend, they felt closer than they ever had before.
When I say every character having exactly the same reaction to every remotely stressful situation, I'm not exaggerating one bit. It's like the whole thing takes place at an onion slicing convention.
Hermione didn’t know how much longer she could hold her Animagus form.
As I said, Sirius seemed to manage it after far worse than Hermione has been through in this fic. Either the author is acknowledging that Sirius was actually more powerful than Sue!Hermione, or he forgot.
Jamie had decided to detour by the main castle entrance before returning to Gryffindor Tower. She doubted that anyone would be there for the morning exercise program, but felt she should check.
Very conveniently, she and Alex happen to be on the scene just as wolf!Hermione arrives on the Hogwarts grounds. They're all lovey-dovey for a short scene which doesn't actually go anywhere but amazingly doesn't have anyone crying (they're probably all too dehydrated by now) and we cut back to Hermione
The wolf stood on the crest of the hill over looking the Quidditch Pitch. I made it. I’m home. Hogwarts, you’ve never looked so good.
“Elliott, look!” Ian shouted “There, on the crest of the hill. The wolf! It looks like it’s headed for the old castle ruins. Hurry before it moves.”
Elliot raised his rifle and fired. All three shots hit target. The wolf fell to the ground and rolled down the hill toward the Quidditch pitch. As the wolf turn over and over, its form changed back to that of a beautiful woman. Soon Hermione lay at the bottom of the hill partly buried in snow. Motionless.
I've lost track of where the POV is meant to be here.
“Good shooting Elliot,” Ian yelled congratulating his friend.
"This dialogue tag is redundant," said szaleniec1000, complaining about the redundancy of the dialogue tag.
Anyway, with fake!Hermione apparently dead, canon!Hermione can return and take her rightful place putting this fucked-up version of the Potterverse right. Though I know by now that this is far too much to hope for.
Continued...
Hermione lay completely immobile, pretending to be unconscious, as she struggled to hold back the tears. She could already feel her face being to swell. Damien had dislocated her jaw. “You damn bitch. Play me for a fool will you? You’ll pray to be dead, but I’ll keep you alive just so I can make you suffer.” Hermione’s body lay frozen as Damien made his way to the door leaving his clothes behind.
This seems to be a "previously on", right down to:
Crabbe and Doyle jumped from their chairs as the door slammed behind Damien.
... the typo in Goyle's name. Nothing comes of Damien streaking his hidden base with his dick bitten off, a situation the author has set up only to leave unresolved.
They watched as his skinny backside turned the corner.
Crabbe and Goyle are staring at their boss' arse. Even though:
Crabbe looked up at Goyle and said. “After what she did to him, I almost feel bad that we have to cut her apart.”
... they don't like him. I'm all for Foe Yay, but involving Crabbe and Goyle? Ew.
Goyle gradually pushed opened the door for them to enter. He had barely crossed the threshold of the room when he promptly halted causing Crabbe to nearly collide with him. He surveyed the bed and then the floor. There was no sign of Hermione’s nude body.
Yes, I don't think we'd quite established that she's been naked for the past two chapters.
“Where the hell is she!?” he shouted.
The words had barely escaped his lips when the great gray timber wolf appeared from behind the door. The wolf’s teeth were bared as its growl rumbled through the air. Goyle had no time to reach for his wand before the wolf leapt, knocking him to the floor and trapping Crabbe beneath him.
Now that's more like it. Why didn't she do that before?
The wolf limped a few steps before transfiguring back to a naked woman who sped down the corridor and up the steps to what appeared to be the main floor of an ornately appointed manor.
Surely Crabbe and Goyle, whoever's POV we're in right now, know what's up there?
Hermione saw at the far end of the hall what seemed to be the main foyer.
Ah, we've had another unannounced POV shift. Should be used to it by now.
She heard Crabbe and Goyle lumbering up the steps. She had to make it to the door before they reached the top of the steps. If they hit her with any spell that prevented her getaway, she was as good as dead. She dashed toward the door and reached for the handle. It was mercifully unlocked. She threw the door open and ran outside.
It doesn't work to establish and then immediately defuse tension within a single paragraph.
Hermione was completely disoriented. The last thing she remembered was opening a box containing a gift from Harry. Now she was lying naked in the snow. What more, her hand and jaw hurt terribly. Her jaw felt like it was broken and her hand; her fingers were smashed. Momentarily, Hermione just sat naked in the snow, in shock.
As I said in the comments a while back, Hermione gets convenient amnesia. Why? I don't know.
Hermione preferred being in control of her life
Which is why she sat back and let Harry take the initiative in all aspects of their relationship, clearly.
She had to figure out where she was and how to get back to Hogwarts. Eating would be impossible; she couldn’t possibly chew and depending on how long her fingers had been this way, Madame Pomfrey might not be able to undo the damage.
Unless it was inflicted by a curse, Madam Pomfrey would most certainly be able to undo the damage. Which is where this whole subplot falls down, really. Enjoy this rare sight of a properly-placed semicolon.
What concerned Hermione the most was that she felt extremely weak and light headed. Did she have enough strength to hold her wolf form?
Well, considering that Sirius managed to hold his own Animagus form after twelve years in Azkaban and swimming across the North Sea and Hermione is allegedly more powerful than he was, it might be a fair bet.
Damien sat before the fireplace dreading the impending appearance of the Great One’s face in the flames. Abruptly the face appeared.
Damien doesn't realise that the Great One is the Minister for Magic, even though he can see her face. Does he have prosopagnosia or does he just not read the Daily Prophet? Because otherwise this doesn't even begin to make sense.
“Great One, she has escaped.”
Much to Damien’s surprised the Great One remained composed. “What precisely happened?”
Damien hesitated slightly before speaking. "I was about to conduct the first loyalty test on her. She was on her knees in front of me about to give me oral pleasure.
Too much information! Why's he telling his boss things like this?
Suddenly she tried to crush my testicles and practically severed my organ when she bit it.”
I HATE THAT YOU HAVE A COCK!
Damien was surprised to see the resemblance of a smile on the Great One’s face.
The Great One takes pleasure in the suffering of her minions. She's evil, you know.
“Professor Granger is quite clever, but perhaps we have not yet lost the battle. She is a long way from home. I doubt she would try Apparating in her weakened state. And obviously she will not travel the road naked. She would freeze to death. Have Crabbe and Goyle pass the word to the nearby muggle villages that an American Timber Wolf has escaped in the area. The animal is wounded and extremely dangerous. Do not try to capture. Shoot to kill. Offer a £1,000 reward for the wolf’s skin.”
That... really, really doesn't happen with escaped animals in the UK. The public are generally advised to stay out of the way of the people trying to recapture the animal, such as police and animal control, as well as the animals themselves.
Slowly, the wolf painfully limped along the road as the sun set and the intensity of the snowstorm increased. The road was void of traffic as the wolf finally approached a signpost. Hermione was famished, having not eaten since breakfast. She had never eaten in her Animagus form before and doubted her human mind would allow her to kill and eat an animal raw.
Why Sirius Black is infinitely more awesome than Animagus!HE!Hermione: circumstances forced him to live on rats, but he just got on with it and didn't use it as yet another excuse for angst. Besides, when did her jaw start working again?
The wolf stared wonderingly at the strange sign that indicated Gartley was fivemiles in the direction that she had just come from, but gave no indication of what town was in the direction she was headed. Then as she walked closer to the signpost, the words ‘Hogsmeade twenty miles’ appeared. Evidently, this information was only visible to magical beings and then only at a close proximity.
This actually does make sense. I don't often see the question explored of how to get to Hogsmeade without magical transport, and a road with a sign that can only be seen by wizards fits the internal logic of the Potterverse. Anyway, she decides to press on rather than get help from the "muggles" and we get another cut back to Hogwarts.
Jamie couldn’t believe the time. It was two thirty in the morning. She was supposed to relieve Professor Potter thirty minutes ago, but had ignored her alarm. She quickly slipped on her boots and then grabbed her robes, not bothering to dress due to her lateness and the fact that no one would see her. As she ran through the halls her bare legs were exposed with each stride.
Why we needed to know about her being half undressed in this scene I don't know.
It was quarter to three when Jamie hurried through the infirmary door. Madame Pomfrey and Headmaster Snape had decided that for the girl’s safety, Caitlin should stay under constant supervision. Jamie was about to apologize to Harry for being late, but one look at the sleeping girl caused tears to form in Jamie’s eyes.
That's one for the drinking game for sure.
“Harry, what on earth happened to her?” she quietly asked so as to not wake Caitlin. The young girl had what looked like a birdcage fastened to her head.
It can be effective to have something described after the POV character reacts to it:
Harry walked into the room and stopped dead in his tracks. Voldemort was there.
Where this hypothetical example works and the narrative of Hogwarts Exposed doesn't is that the reaction here is a reflex. Harry's thoughts are "Oh shit, it's Voldemort!" so we see the consequences of "oh shit" before the situation gets fully described from his POV. So to apply that logic here:
Jamie walked into the hospital wing and stopped dead in her tracks. Caitlin had what looked like a birdcage fastened to her head.
It would still fail setting logic, but would work better as a fluent narrative than having her burst into tears, speak coherently to Harry and only then note what's going on.
Harry sat on a chair at the edge of the bed clutching Caitlin’s tiny hand between his two much larger hands. He looked up at Jamie; his red eyes giving away the fact that he had been crying. “Her jaw is dislocated. Madame Pomfrey promises she will be okay and out of this contraption tomorrow.”
Madam Pomfrey can mend bones in a second (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, page 131) but not dislocated jaws, apparently. And a brief glance at medical sites tells me that a dislocated jaw is more commonly just held in place with a bandage tied round the top of the head rather than wired up like a broken jaw.
Jamie put her arm around Harry’s shoulder. “Does that mean this happened to Hermione?”
Harry eyes filled with tears.
What, again? Cut back to Hermione trekking through the snow as a wolf.
"The scenery on her journey had not changed and the freezing temperatures, fever, injuries and hunger were starting to take their toll as the snow piled steadily deeper. A real wolf would have sought sanctuary long before now, but Hermione wasn’t a real wolf and realized if she stopped she would die. She had to make it to Hogwarts.
She hadn’t even troubled to consider how she would get in the castle. Obviously she couldn’t enter as a wolf and the idea of students seeing her naked certainly didn’t thrill her, but all she cared about right now was making it to the castle.
Yay completely gratuitous reference to nudity!
“I love you Harry. I love you Caitlin.”
* * * * * *
“I love you Mum,” Caitlin muttered in her sleep.
The juxtaposition of schlocky torture porn with this kind of glurge is as jarring as ever. Where Hogwarts Exposed fails even as other users of mood whiplash don't is the way it bounces between the extremes without handling them convincingly in any case.
Jamie eyes watched Caitlin as she tossed and turned restlessly. She got up from the chair and leaned down next to the sleeping girl. “She loves you, too. So do I. I love you both. Please get better.”
Jamie knelt next to the bed and stroked Caitlin’s arm as tears filled her eyes.
A pro-tip for handling them convincingly is not to give every single character exactly the same reaction to every single dramatic conflict.
“I better check her temperature,” Madame Pomfrey fretfully said. “You two are very close. It’s quite strange for a first year and fifth year to have such a strong relationship.”
“Caitlin’s like a little sister to me. She’s special. Plus we share a secret passion.”
“Is she a naturist, also?”
[...]
Pomfrey continued. “I got the idea you didn’t like knickers. And two of the times you were here were directly after summer vacation. It was difficult not to notice you were tanned everywhere. You also have a very confident attitude. All signs pointed to it.”
In which the author cheats at narration, because although these signs can add up to someone being a naturist it's still a very convenient leap of logic.
“I’m sure part of the reason she allows Caitlin to practice naturism is because you are a nudist. Hermione is quite fond of you.”
“I know. She is very special. If I can become just half the woman she is, I’ll be grateful.”
If only we'd actually been shown some evidence of how wonderful she is rather than having her blunder through the plot with no agency or initiative of her own.
“From what I’ve seen and heard these past years, you’re well on your way.
At least Jamie, hideous insufferable Sue as she undoubtedly is, has a backbone.
Sam woke from a contented sleep. “I just had the most wonderful dream. A handsome red haired man was caressing my boding so lovingly. It seemed like he had more in mind, but stopped. He certainly didn’t think I would object did he?”
Ron didn’t answer, but as she opened her eyes she heard what sounded like muffled crying. “Ron, are you all right? What’s wrong?”
“Sam, I feel terrible. Being with you makes me feel so happy, but that is so wrong. How can I be happy when my best friends are suffering? Hermione, for all I know, could be dead.”
Sam took Ron in her arms. “Everyday people lose the ones they love. The closer that feeling of love the stronger the hurt, but for the living life does goes on eventually. It may never be the same, but it goes on. I pray that Hermione is alive and that she makes it back to us, but she would never want you going through the rest of your life buried in sadness and remorse. She’d never want you to feel guilty about being happy.”
They didn’t make love, but as they held each other tightly and cried for their missing friend, they felt closer than they ever had before.
When I say every character having exactly the same reaction to every remotely stressful situation, I'm not exaggerating one bit. It's like the whole thing takes place at an onion slicing convention.
Hermione didn’t know how much longer she could hold her Animagus form.
As I said, Sirius seemed to manage it after far worse than Hermione has been through in this fic. Either the author is acknowledging that Sirius was actually more powerful than Sue!Hermione, or he forgot.
Jamie had decided to detour by the main castle entrance before returning to Gryffindor Tower. She doubted that anyone would be there for the morning exercise program, but felt she should check.
Very conveniently, she and Alex happen to be on the scene just as wolf!Hermione arrives on the Hogwarts grounds. They're all lovey-dovey for a short scene which doesn't actually go anywhere but amazingly doesn't have anyone crying (they're probably all too dehydrated by now) and we cut back to Hermione
The wolf stood on the crest of the hill over looking the Quidditch Pitch. I made it. I’m home. Hogwarts, you’ve never looked so good.
“Elliott, look!” Ian shouted “There, on the crest of the hill. The wolf! It looks like it’s headed for the old castle ruins. Hurry before it moves.”
Elliot raised his rifle and fired. All three shots hit target. The wolf fell to the ground and rolled down the hill toward the Quidditch pitch. As the wolf turn over and over, its form changed back to that of a beautiful woman. Soon Hermione lay at the bottom of the hill partly buried in snow. Motionless.
I've lost track of where the POV is meant to be here.
“Good shooting Elliot,” Ian yelled congratulating his friend.
"This dialogue tag is redundant," said szaleniec1000, complaining about the redundancy of the dialogue tag.
Anyway, with fake!Hermione apparently dead, canon!Hermione can return and take her rightful place putting this fucked-up version of the Potterverse right. Though I know by now that this is far too much to hope for.
Continued...