And so it begins...

[szadek]

So, its time for an update I think. Lots of nothing going on except for work and more work. I haven't been able to sit under a tree with some hot chocolate because of work. And illness. Kidney infections suck. I've been depressed alot lately. Been thinking about my mom. Just an fyi, she passed away three years ago in a bad accident. I haven't visited her grave since the funeral. Just something about going out there eats at my soul and I haven't built up the courage to go out there. Some people have told me I need to go for closure, to say my final goodbye. I don't know if it will help or make this worse. I thought I said my final goodbye at her funeral as I watched her casket get put into the ground. To return to the earth that sustains all life. But, maybe I'm putting too much of a scientific view on it instead of a spiritual one. Maybe its about time I spoke to whatever higher power that exists and will listen to my venting. There has to be more than this. Excuse me if I go all emo for a moment. But something has to exist that transcends pain and suffering and hurt and all these negative feelings that permeate in peoples lives today. Sure, some people SAY they're happy, but how can we measure that? To quote Dennis Leary (kinda, I can't remember the whole thing); happiness is a cigarette or a cookie or a 5 second orgasm. You come, eat the cookie, smoke the cigarette and go to fucking sleep. Its small steps of happiness, not one lump sum of the parts. Fuck. Sorry, sorry. I don't want to drag anyone down. I started this stupid fucking LJ to try and make people laugh and forget their misery for a few moments, only to neglect my own. Now its hit me full force, and noone is around for me to talk to. Some people say you aren't truely alone in the world. But I know its the exact opposite. We all can't wallow in self pity. Only we can make ourselves happy. We shouldn't depend on others for our own happiness. We should include them when we are happy from our own means. Eh, fuck it. I've ranted enough and I keep getting interrupted here at work because of these stupid phone calls. Have fun guys and girls. And be happy.

~Mike
p.s. Two words. Jamocha. Shake. Get one from Arbys. Now. You won't regret it. Trust me.