Twilight Flamefic
Oh joy! Making fun of Glorifying Twilight, the most hated best book I've read.
Well folks, I got bored and decided to finally, once again, try to write a fanfic. This time, about one of the most beloved pieces of literature in modern history, written by that beautiful example of a writer, Stephanie Meyer.
Here's the prologue for you to enjoy!
SUMMARY - Bella has a daydream and decides to write a dramatic, ground-breaking love-story about it! The star-crossed lovers? None other than a zombie with blue eyes and an irresistible stench of rot and a plain girl with mousy brown hair and turd chocolate colored eyes! Will he eat her before they can find love together, or will they fall in love and stay alive (briefly, before she decides to convert to a zombie to live forever with him)?
PROLOGUE
“Zombies?” Edward said, suddenly glad that he couldn't read his wife's mind. Bella looked up at him, eyes glowing golden. He tried his hardest to keep his expression neutral, after all, it might be better than it sounded.
“I know, doesn't it just sound wonderful?” She gushed, waving her arms around wildly. “Nobody would expect it! I mean, a love story about a girl and a zombie? How could anybody not want to read this?” She jumped up and started pacing in the field in front of him. Every time her back faced him, Edward made a face of complete disgust. What was she thinking anyway? Zombie love story? Was she thinking at all?
“So, Bella, what's the plot of this story?” He asked in an attempt to find some logic in the situation. Bella stopped pacing immediately and rushed over to him, grabbing the sides of his arms. Her eyes widened, and Edward noticed her pupils were dilated. He sighed, as it was obvious she was drugging her food before she drank it again. She grinned psychotically.
“Well, I was daydreaming again the other day and I had this beautiful vision of a girl and a boy in this field-just like ours!-and he was glowing like a can of radioactive materials and she was so obviously in love with him and they were just so happy that they could be together but he really wanted to kill her because he was hungry but he didn't want to kill her because he loved her and he had these wonderful silver steel trillium kutone sparkling eyes with little blue ultramarine indigo flecks in them and his arm fell off with the softest most beautiful plop in the world and she just sighed happily and reattached his arm for him.” Edward raised an eyebrow, dumbstruck. It was very lucky for her she didn't need to breathe anymore or else she'd have been dead before she even started describing the eye colors. Bella sighed. “It was just so...beautiful.”
She let go of his arm and spun around the field slowly, her skin throwing off light reflections in its wake. One reflection hit Edward's eye and blinded him momentarily. He abandoned any attempt to keep a straight face and stared at her with the greatest look of shock and incredulity one could imagine upon a sparkly fag-pire's face. This continued for a good five minutes, before Bella suddenly remembered something and gasped, running back over to Edward again and very nearly crushing the bones in both of his upper arms as she grasped them. He frowned intensely as she stared into his eyes in rapture. She very slowly let go of his left arm and reached into her back pocket. As her hand came back into his line of sight, Edward realized she was holding a sheaf of papers.
“Honey...what are those?” He asked tentatively, fearing the answer.
“The first eight chapters!” She said proudly, waving the stack in the air as if to prove a point. She then slammed the unfinished novel in his lap. He winced and hissed between his teeth, as the massive stack of papers met with his balls.
“And what do you expect me do with this,” He glared at her, hands covering his jewels. “Honey?”
“Read it, Edward! I need your praise before I send it off to the publisher after all!” She gazed at him adoringly. He continued to glare at her, but realized that unless he read it, she would never shut up about it. He carefully lifted his hands to the novel and began to read.
Cross Posted to my new Fanfiction.net account. :)
C+C always enjoyed.
Well folks, I got bored and decided to finally, once again, try to write a fanfic. This time, about one of the most beloved pieces of literature in modern history, written by that beautiful example of a writer, Stephanie Meyer.
Here's the prologue for you to enjoy!
SUMMARY - Bella has a daydream and decides to write a dramatic, ground-breaking love-story about it! The star-crossed lovers? None other than a zombie with blue eyes and an irresistible stench of rot and a plain girl with mousy brown hair and turd chocolate colored eyes! Will he eat her before they can find love together, or will they fall in love and stay alive (briefly, before she decides to convert to a zombie to live forever with him)?
PROLOGUE
“Zombies?” Edward said, suddenly glad that he couldn't read his wife's mind. Bella looked up at him, eyes glowing golden. He tried his hardest to keep his expression neutral, after all, it might be better than it sounded.
“I know, doesn't it just sound wonderful?” She gushed, waving her arms around wildly. “Nobody would expect it! I mean, a love story about a girl and a zombie? How could anybody not want to read this?” She jumped up and started pacing in the field in front of him. Every time her back faced him, Edward made a face of complete disgust. What was she thinking anyway? Zombie love story? Was she thinking at all?
“So, Bella, what's the plot of this story?” He asked in an attempt to find some logic in the situation. Bella stopped pacing immediately and rushed over to him, grabbing the sides of his arms. Her eyes widened, and Edward noticed her pupils were dilated. He sighed, as it was obvious she was drugging her food before she drank it again. She grinned psychotically.
“Well, I was daydreaming again the other day and I had this beautiful vision of a girl and a boy in this field-just like ours!-and he was glowing like a can of radioactive materials and she was so obviously in love with him and they were just so happy that they could be together but he really wanted to kill her because he was hungry but he didn't want to kill her because he loved her and he had these wonderful silver steel trillium kutone sparkling eyes with little blue ultramarine indigo flecks in them and his arm fell off with the softest most beautiful plop in the world and she just sighed happily and reattached his arm for him.” Edward raised an eyebrow, dumbstruck. It was very lucky for her she didn't need to breathe anymore or else she'd have been dead before she even started describing the eye colors. Bella sighed. “It was just so...beautiful.”
She let go of his arm and spun around the field slowly, her skin throwing off light reflections in its wake. One reflection hit Edward's eye and blinded him momentarily. He abandoned any attempt to keep a straight face and stared at her with the greatest look of shock and incredulity one could imagine upon a sparkly fag-pire's face. This continued for a good five minutes, before Bella suddenly remembered something and gasped, running back over to Edward again and very nearly crushing the bones in both of his upper arms as she grasped them. He frowned intensely as she stared into his eyes in rapture. She very slowly let go of his left arm and reached into her back pocket. As her hand came back into his line of sight, Edward realized she was holding a sheaf of papers.
“Honey...what are those?” He asked tentatively, fearing the answer.
“The first eight chapters!” She said proudly, waving the stack in the air as if to prove a point. She then slammed the unfinished novel in his lap. He winced and hissed between his teeth, as the massive stack of papers met with his balls.
“And what do you expect me do with this,” He glared at her, hands covering his jewels. “Honey?”
“Read it, Edward! I need your praise before I send it off to the publisher after all!” She gazed at him adoringly. He continued to glare at her, but realized that unless he read it, she would never shut up about it. He carefully lifted his hands to the novel and began to read.
Cross Posted to my new Fanfiction.net account. :)
C+C always enjoyed.