The Pottermore Network
Title: The Pottermore Network
Fandom: The Social Network
Characters: Eduardo/Mark pairing, Dustin, and Chris.
Rating: T
Warnings: I have no idea. I'll ask Kelly. WARNING: A WILD DUSTIN APPEARS.
Spoilers: Uh... The Social Network? I think?
Summary: Mark hacks into Pottermore to see what house he's in. Dissatisfied with the results, he crashes the site, and calls on Eduardo to help him make improvements. Eduardo helps, but not in the way Mark expects.
Notes: I know nothing about coding, so if anyone does and wants to correct me on what I've said, please feel free. Also: As it's a "choose your own adventure" type story, the story-line of each individual house is extremely similar, though the details are different. This is on purpose, because, well... It's Mark and Eduardo.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naughty by Nature. I do not own Harry Potter. I do not own Pottermore. I do not own The Social Network. This is a work of fiction, and the characters described herein are based on the fictional representation of real people, to whom I have no affiliation or connection with. If you got here via searching your name by some means, I would advise you to go back and go to a different place. You should try YouTube! They have kittens there!
Dedication: This was inspired and encouraged by Julia and Kelly. I thank you both dearly, because I probably wouldn't have written it had you both not insisted. I love you both. TEAM PRIDE, YEAH.
It starts because of Dustin.
Well, sort of.
Yes, it’s Dustin’s fault.
It’s the day Pottermore is supposed to go live, and all Mark wants to do is code and ignore all the excited Harry Potter fans that work at Facebook, because he’s not a fan.
He’s not, okay?
So what if he rented theaters for everyone to see the movies each time they came out?
So what if it was a marathon of every movie each time?
So what if he used to dress up in a Harry Potter uniform (Gryffindor) whenever anything Harry Potter happened - marathons in the suite, Harry Potter parties on campus, even when Order of the Phoenix came out the summer before his sophomore year, and Dustin insisted that they all go as a group and camp out?
He was always a male version of Hermione. At first, Dustin insisted, when they first met, and he went with it because he admired Hermione’s intellect and her ability to not take shit. Chris bought him a stuffed orange cat as a joke, and it became a prop every time they cosplayed.
Dustin always went as Ron, since he has the hair, and he calls himself a Weasley all the time, even after he decided he wanted to be a Hufflepuff, because, according to some sources on the internet, Hufflepuff is: The Cuddly House, The Party House, The Food House, particularly good finders, and obviously Dustin is all of those things. He sorted himself, then went, “A Weasley in Hufflepuff? What a shame!” and cried until Chris smacked him in the head and said, “You know you’re not actually a Weasley, right?”
Chris used to be Harry, would wear the glasses, even though they hurt his eyes, and he would wear the wig Dustin bought him for the events and marathons, and that was that, until they met Eduardo.
As the story goes, they were camping out for the fifth Harry Potter book, sitting in the humidity outside the Barnes & Noble. Dustin was scolding Chris for deciding to dress up in a Slytherin uniform, because he’d finally gotten tired of the glasses and it was too hot for the wig, anyways, when Eduardo had walked up, wearing the glasses and with a scar drawn on his forehead.
He was the only other person lined up with them, so far, because Dustin is the craziest (“MOST DEDICATED”) of the fans, and apparently so was Eduardo. They started talking, and from then, they were friends, and they finally had a Harry for their group.
And then Dustin had to come up with a new song, instead of using the bastardized version of “O.P.P.” by Naughty By Nature he’d been singing ever since they started doing the cosplay. “You down with OT3? YEAH YOU KNOW ME! You down with OT3? YEAH YOU KNOW ME! You down with OT3? YEAH YOU KNOW ME! Who’s down with OT3? EVERY LAST HOMIE!”
Eduardo came to hang out with them all the time, and Dustin would text him the times for all the movie marathons - July 31st, November 1st, before holidays breaks, virtually every other Saturday - and he would dress up and they’d watch the movies, or take turns reading from the books, and Dustin would insist that Eduardo read the most because “he does the best accent, Mark! And he does the voices!”
Dustin is a child. Dustin, one of his best friends, is a child.
So it’s Dustin’s fault.
The day Pottermore goes live, he’s ignoring the site, and no, he’s not refreshing the page, and Chris knows Dustin so he comes to the office and keeps an eye on what Dustin is doing, and an eye on what Mark is doing, and maybe he talks to the PR team a little, because Chris is Chris and he can’t not help out when they have questions.
So Dustin bribes one of the PR team with cookies to distract Chris for long enough for him to email Mark.
From: dustinweasley@facebook.com
To: zuckonit@facebook.com
Subj: MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK
MARK. Get into Pottermore! HACK INTO IT SO WE CAN FIND OUT WHAT HOUSES WE’RE IN.
PLEASE. DO IT FOR ME. MAAAAAARK.
<3 DUSTINNNN
From: zuckonit@facebook.com
To: dustinweasley@facebook.com
Subj: RE: MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK
Fine. Keep Chris off my back. I’ll let you know.
From: dustinweasley@facebook.com
To: zuckonit@facebook.com
Subj: RE: RE: MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK
Thank you bro! You’re the bestest!
It takes Mark approximately one hour to successfully hack into the Pottermore website, and another fifteen to get to the Sorting Hat, after remembering a number and finding a quill and getting past all the obstacles.
Dustin would be happy, except, when Mark enters his name and picks a username (which kind of sucks, he would let people enter one. But it’s Harry Potter, so it’s not a big deal, okay? Not to him. Not a big deal at all, nope.) and answers the checklist of which books he’s read and which movies he’s seen (all of them, duh) and finally gets to the Sorting Hat, he completes the options and sits back and…
What?
What the…?
That’s his house?
What the hell?!
---
CHOOSE THE HOUSE MARK ENDS UP IN:
Gryffindor | Hufflepuff | Ravenclaw | Slytherin
Fandom: The Social Network
Characters: Eduardo/Mark pairing, Dustin, and Chris.
Rating: T
Warnings: I have no idea. I'll ask Kelly. WARNING: A WILD DUSTIN APPEARS.
Spoilers: Uh... The Social Network? I think?
Summary: Mark hacks into Pottermore to see what house he's in. Dissatisfied with the results, he crashes the site, and calls on Eduardo to help him make improvements. Eduardo helps, but not in the way Mark expects.
Notes: I know nothing about coding, so if anyone does and wants to correct me on what I've said, please feel free. Also: As it's a "choose your own adventure" type story, the story-line of each individual house is extremely similar, though the details are different. This is on purpose, because, well... It's Mark and Eduardo.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naughty by Nature. I do not own Harry Potter. I do not own Pottermore. I do not own The Social Network. This is a work of fiction, and the characters described herein are based on the fictional representation of real people, to whom I have no affiliation or connection with. If you got here via searching your name by some means, I would advise you to go back and go to a different place. You should try YouTube! They have kittens there!
Dedication: This was inspired and encouraged by Julia and Kelly. I thank you both dearly, because I probably wouldn't have written it had you both not insisted. I love you both. TEAM PRIDE, YEAH.
It starts because of Dustin.
Well, sort of.
Yes, it’s Dustin’s fault.
It’s the day Pottermore is supposed to go live, and all Mark wants to do is code and ignore all the excited Harry Potter fans that work at Facebook, because he’s not a fan.
He’s not, okay?
So what if he rented theaters for everyone to see the movies each time they came out?
So what if it was a marathon of every movie each time?
So what if he used to dress up in a Harry Potter uniform (Gryffindor) whenever anything Harry Potter happened - marathons in the suite, Harry Potter parties on campus, even when Order of the Phoenix came out the summer before his sophomore year, and Dustin insisted that they all go as a group and camp out?
He was always a male version of Hermione. At first, Dustin insisted, when they first met, and he went with it because he admired Hermione’s intellect and her ability to not take shit. Chris bought him a stuffed orange cat as a joke, and it became a prop every time they cosplayed.
Dustin always went as Ron, since he has the hair, and he calls himself a Weasley all the time, even after he decided he wanted to be a Hufflepuff, because, according to some sources on the internet, Hufflepuff is: The Cuddly House, The Party House, The Food House, particularly good finders, and obviously Dustin is all of those things. He sorted himself, then went, “A Weasley in Hufflepuff? What a shame!” and cried until Chris smacked him in the head and said, “You know you’re not actually a Weasley, right?”
Chris used to be Harry, would wear the glasses, even though they hurt his eyes, and he would wear the wig Dustin bought him for the events and marathons, and that was that, until they met Eduardo.
As the story goes, they were camping out for the fifth Harry Potter book, sitting in the humidity outside the Barnes & Noble. Dustin was scolding Chris for deciding to dress up in a Slytherin uniform, because he’d finally gotten tired of the glasses and it was too hot for the wig, anyways, when Eduardo had walked up, wearing the glasses and with a scar drawn on his forehead.
He was the only other person lined up with them, so far, because Dustin is the craziest (“MOST DEDICATED”) of the fans, and apparently so was Eduardo. They started talking, and from then, they were friends, and they finally had a Harry for their group.
And then Dustin had to come up with a new song, instead of using the bastardized version of “O.P.P.” by Naughty By Nature he’d been singing ever since they started doing the cosplay. “You down with OT3? YEAH YOU KNOW ME! You down with OT3? YEAH YOU KNOW ME! You down with OT3? YEAH YOU KNOW ME! Who’s down with OT3? EVERY LAST HOMIE!”
Eduardo came to hang out with them all the time, and Dustin would text him the times for all the movie marathons - July 31st, November 1st, before holidays breaks, virtually every other Saturday - and he would dress up and they’d watch the movies, or take turns reading from the books, and Dustin would insist that Eduardo read the most because “he does the best accent, Mark! And he does the voices!”
Dustin is a child. Dustin, one of his best friends, is a child.
So it’s Dustin’s fault.
The day Pottermore goes live, he’s ignoring the site, and no, he’s not refreshing the page, and Chris knows Dustin so he comes to the office and keeps an eye on what Dustin is doing, and an eye on what Mark is doing, and maybe he talks to the PR team a little, because Chris is Chris and he can’t not help out when they have questions.
So Dustin bribes one of the PR team with cookies to distract Chris for long enough for him to email Mark.
From: dustinweasley@facebook.com
To: zuckonit@facebook.com
Subj: MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK
MARK. Get into Pottermore! HACK INTO IT SO WE CAN FIND OUT WHAT HOUSES WE’RE IN.
PLEASE. DO IT FOR ME. MAAAAAARK.
<3 DUSTINNNN
From: zuckonit@facebook.com
To: dustinweasley@facebook.com
Subj: RE: MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK
Fine. Keep Chris off my back. I’ll let you know.
From: dustinweasley@facebook.com
To: zuckonit@facebook.com
Subj: RE: RE: MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK
Thank you bro! You’re the bestest!
It takes Mark approximately one hour to successfully hack into the Pottermore website, and another fifteen to get to the Sorting Hat, after remembering a number and finding a quill and getting past all the obstacles.
Dustin would be happy, except, when Mark enters his name and picks a username (which kind of sucks, he would let people enter one. But it’s Harry Potter, so it’s not a big deal, okay? Not to him. Not a big deal at all, nope.) and answers the checklist of which books he’s read and which movies he’s seen (all of them, duh) and finally gets to the Sorting Hat, he completes the options and sits back and…
What?
What the…?
That’s his house?
What the hell?!
---
CHOOSE THE HOUSE MARK ENDS UP IN:
Gryffindor | Hufflepuff | Ravenclaw | Slytherin