Tales from the K-rypt
So today was officially the craziest day of work ever. Here is why.
1. I've never worked on a Sunday morning before, and because Sunday mornings are all about signing our ad items, I officially had no clue what I was doing. Also, I never do well when I have to wake up before say, ten.
2. The first thing Angel says to me after "Oh good you're here" is "Third shift didn't do domestics... and that's bad." And I was like "goodie."
3. The next thing Angel informs me of is that not only did third shift not sign the ad, but no one even made signs with which to sign the ad. So she went to take a break and left me scanning eight hundred Martha Stewart curtains so we could make signs.
4. Angel returns from break and shows me how to make signs in the office. The printer proceeds to eat like, forty sheets of paper. We call some dude to come fix it, and right as he finishes, we realize that someone already made signs and left them in the office.
5. I spend the next three hours leading up to lunch putting 3x5 sheets of paper on every Martha Stewart curtain, kitchen towel, dishcloth, placemat, napkin, and chair pad in the domestics area.
6. After lunch, I am supposed to be on my own for the remaining four hours of my shift. Thankfully, Angel had not yet done the jewelry audit (we have to audit all jewelry worth more than... $300 I think every morning), so she stayed on for another hour.
7. The first half hour after Angel leaves is quiet. I continue signing things. Then I get paged to the jewelry counter. A really cute lady is looking at rings. She started in our leftmost cabinet (that had rings) and worked her way allllllll the way across to the last cabinet on the right where she finally settled on a ring. While I was trying to help her, some random dude comes up and asks if we have watch batteries. I point him to the right one. Two minutes later he comes back and says he can't find the right one, so I have to leave the lady to run and check if we have any in our secret stash cabinet. We don't, so I send him off and resume helping the lady. My dad and brother also show up at this time.
8. I walk back to where I'm signing things with my brother and work while he talks to me. They leave to go to lunch.
9. Not even a minute after they go, I get paged back to the jewelry counter. There waits a cute little old man who wants a new watchband. I set about changing it for him. It was THE MOST STUBBORN THING EVER. It took me ages to finally get the pins back in, but he was cute, and he tried to help so I didn't mind.
10. I'm about to go back to Domestics when I see a Kmart Lady (I don't know what she does) standing there. We have the following delightful conversation:
Lady: Hi, is Angel at lunch?
Me: No, she's gone.
Lady: Oh. That's bad. Do you know how to do the audit?
Me: Nope.
Lady: Oh. Do you know where most of the things are in the cabinets?
Me: Nope.
So then she and I set out to find these two rings that missed the audit that were both worth like, $900. And we didn't find either of them. While we're searching, there's a page for domestics. I ignore it.
11. We keep looking, and a lady comes up to the counter and says her husband wants to get a watch. I grab the second set of keys and go to help him, but he's not there.
12. On my way back across the jewelry area, a very cute lady stops me and asks me to help her pick out some rings. She finds a gold one she likes, and then she goes to find a silver one in another cabinet.
13. Meanwhile, the first lady's husband returns and wants his watch, so I go retrieve it. I'm about to go help the Very Cute Lady again and the first lady is all "Can I look at a ring in this case?" and I was like "Yes, if you don't mind, I'll just finish helping this lady over here and be right with you."
14. Very Cute Lady cannot find a ring similar enough to the gold one she picked out, so I point out that there are identical white gold ones in the same case. She asks me to show her so I run across, grab a white gold ring in the same size, and run back. She then says she'd actually need it a size bigger because it's for her other hand, so I run back, switch rings, and return. The first couple is looking at me in an annoyed fashion, and I feel like saying "Hey, it's not my fault your husband VANISHED THE FIRST TIME."
15. I check out the Very Cute Lady and go to help the annoyed couple. I notice another lady with a watchband appear behind me. I pray for my soul.
16. I finally get annoyed couple away from me, and go help watchband lady. She was actually really nice. She went to go find some little kid clothes while I attempted to put the new watchband on, which was way nice. It's always kind of nerve racking to have someone watch you do things to their watch. I hear a page for someone from Hosiery to go help a customer in the Pharmacy. I wonder what the heck that could be about, but I ignore it because I am the Person from Hosiery.
17. The phone at the jewelry counter starts ringing. I ignore that too. Then I get two price check pages within like, ten seconds of each other, and I figure I can't ignore those, so I run and get them.
18. When I return, watchband lady is standing there and I'm like "oops." So I apologize and explain that I'm the only one working and it's kind of crazy. She turns about to be super great and starts telling me about how she works at Lowe's and understands. I love her.
19. I go back and think I'm finished with Domestics. I then realize that there are a bunch of things on the ad that no one bothered to make signs for. I start to scan five thousand blinds and sheers.
20. Michelle calls and says she can't come in at five. I'm glad I'm not working at five.
21. I go to make signs and the printer eats a bunch more paper. Dude fixes it again.
22. I sign a bunch of blinds, and then I realize it is almost time to go. I leave Christy a very long letter about how Michelle called and why I didn't have time to finish signing. I then gave India the phone and fled. And now I am here writing this wonderful list.
PS - I'm old.
1. I've never worked on a Sunday morning before, and because Sunday mornings are all about signing our ad items, I officially had no clue what I was doing. Also, I never do well when I have to wake up before say, ten.
2. The first thing Angel says to me after "Oh good you're here" is "Third shift didn't do domestics... and that's bad." And I was like "goodie."
3. The next thing Angel informs me of is that not only did third shift not sign the ad, but no one even made signs with which to sign the ad. So she went to take a break and left me scanning eight hundred Martha Stewart curtains so we could make signs.
4. Angel returns from break and shows me how to make signs in the office. The printer proceeds to eat like, forty sheets of paper. We call some dude to come fix it, and right as he finishes, we realize that someone already made signs and left them in the office.
5. I spend the next three hours leading up to lunch putting 3x5 sheets of paper on every Martha Stewart curtain, kitchen towel, dishcloth, placemat, napkin, and chair pad in the domestics area.
6. After lunch, I am supposed to be on my own for the remaining four hours of my shift. Thankfully, Angel had not yet done the jewelry audit (we have to audit all jewelry worth more than... $300 I think every morning), so she stayed on for another hour.
7. The first half hour after Angel leaves is quiet. I continue signing things. Then I get paged to the jewelry counter. A really cute lady is looking at rings. She started in our leftmost cabinet (that had rings) and worked her way allllllll the way across to the last cabinet on the right where she finally settled on a ring. While I was trying to help her, some random dude comes up and asks if we have watch batteries. I point him to the right one. Two minutes later he comes back and says he can't find the right one, so I have to leave the lady to run and check if we have any in our secret stash cabinet. We don't, so I send him off and resume helping the lady. My dad and brother also show up at this time.
8. I walk back to where I'm signing things with my brother and work while he talks to me. They leave to go to lunch.
9. Not even a minute after they go, I get paged back to the jewelry counter. There waits a cute little old man who wants a new watchband. I set about changing it for him. It was THE MOST STUBBORN THING EVER. It took me ages to finally get the pins back in, but he was cute, and he tried to help so I didn't mind.
10. I'm about to go back to Domestics when I see a Kmart Lady (I don't know what she does) standing there. We have the following delightful conversation:
Lady: Hi, is Angel at lunch?
Me: No, she's gone.
Lady: Oh. That's bad. Do you know how to do the audit?
Me: Nope.
Lady: Oh. Do you know where most of the things are in the cabinets?
Me: Nope.
So then she and I set out to find these two rings that missed the audit that were both worth like, $900. And we didn't find either of them. While we're searching, there's a page for domestics. I ignore it.
11. We keep looking, and a lady comes up to the counter and says her husband wants to get a watch. I grab the second set of keys and go to help him, but he's not there.
12. On my way back across the jewelry area, a very cute lady stops me and asks me to help her pick out some rings. She finds a gold one she likes, and then she goes to find a silver one in another cabinet.
13. Meanwhile, the first lady's husband returns and wants his watch, so I go retrieve it. I'm about to go help the Very Cute Lady again and the first lady is all "Can I look at a ring in this case?" and I was like "Yes, if you don't mind, I'll just finish helping this lady over here and be right with you."
14. Very Cute Lady cannot find a ring similar enough to the gold one she picked out, so I point out that there are identical white gold ones in the same case. She asks me to show her so I run across, grab a white gold ring in the same size, and run back. She then says she'd actually need it a size bigger because it's for her other hand, so I run back, switch rings, and return. The first couple is looking at me in an annoyed fashion, and I feel like saying "Hey, it's not my fault your husband VANISHED THE FIRST TIME."
15. I check out the Very Cute Lady and go to help the annoyed couple. I notice another lady with a watchband appear behind me. I pray for my soul.
16. I finally get annoyed couple away from me, and go help watchband lady. She was actually really nice. She went to go find some little kid clothes while I attempted to put the new watchband on, which was way nice. It's always kind of nerve racking to have someone watch you do things to their watch. I hear a page for someone from Hosiery to go help a customer in the Pharmacy. I wonder what the heck that could be about, but I ignore it because I am the Person from Hosiery.
17. The phone at the jewelry counter starts ringing. I ignore that too. Then I get two price check pages within like, ten seconds of each other, and I figure I can't ignore those, so I run and get them.
18. When I return, watchband lady is standing there and I'm like "oops." So I apologize and explain that I'm the only one working and it's kind of crazy. She turns about to be super great and starts telling me about how she works at Lowe's and understands. I love her.
19. I go back and think I'm finished with Domestics. I then realize that there are a bunch of things on the ad that no one bothered to make signs for. I start to scan five thousand blinds and sheers.
20. Michelle calls and says she can't come in at five. I'm glad I'm not working at five.
21. I go to make signs and the printer eats a bunch more paper. Dude fixes it again.
22. I sign a bunch of blinds, and then I realize it is almost time to go. I leave Christy a very long letter about how Michelle called and why I didn't have time to finish signing. I then gave India the phone and fled. And now I am here writing this wonderful list.
PS - I'm old.