Rurouni Kenshin fic: Truce, 5/?
Title: Truce
Chapter: 5/? - My Heart In Your Open Hand
Rating: PG
Summary: Somehow, he couldn’t help but notice the young woman who dared walk the streets of Kyoto alone after dark and wielded only a bokken. It was only a matter of time before their paths crossed.
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: Nope. Which begs the question: where is my Kenshin???
Note: This one was tricky to write. I hope I got it right… Any comments will be welcome!
My Heart In Your Open Hand
Rain. Droplets roll down her face, soak her to the bone. Kaoru is cold.
Rain. She turns one corner, then another. Rain is the only thing she hears, the only thing she smells. She turns left, and left again. Her steps draw a spiral in the streets, as she slowly gets closer to the center. She knows what she’ll find there, but she needs to be sure, because maybe there’s still hope…
Rain. Oh, she dreads reaching the center, her stomach clenches, her throat constricts in fear. But she needs to know…
Rain. Now she sees him. Them. Human-shaped shadows, falling, and in their midst, harsh as lightning and just as implacable…
Rain… Blood. Blood, blood, blood, blood, it’s raining blood.
Kaoru wakes up with a wordless scream in her throat and her heart hammering in her chest, and does not go back to sleep.
-~-~-~-
He has stopped trying to approach her, but the lethal strike still replays in Kaoru’s mind at night, over and over again. The surgical precision. The brutal efficiency. And the hard, searing golden eyes… She is repulsed by the idea that it could all come from her sweet, soft-spoken Kenshin.
For days, she refuses to see him. Her mind is still reeling and on constant alert, but she never senses even a wisp of his ki. Kaoru goes on with her life: she shops at the market, teaches her classes at the Maekawa dojo but she gets home exhausted, her nerves frayed. She tries training to calm herself, but every strike reminds her of what he could do with them.
-~-~-~-
Days.
Then comes a point when she has had enough. Harsh golden eyes still invade most of her waking moments and plague her dreams, but she’s beginning to feel more angry than scared. Her frustration (at herself because the Kamiya are not cowards, the Kamiya face their fears, yet she’s been behaving like a little girl hiding behind her mother’s legs; and at him, because although he did not outright lie to her, he still wasn’t honest, and she trusted him, dammit) has her change into her training clothes and grab her favourite bokken before she marches out of the gate of her dojo.
She is no frightened little girl. She will face him, sword expert to sword expert.
Kaoru walks up the riverbank, her mind focused. The world around her blurs; she will not give it a chance to distract her and make her lose her nerve.
She finds Battousai - oh, he’s Battousai all right, she can admit it now, but a name is just that, a name, and she will not fear it. His sword, maybe, his cold, unforgiving stare, yes, but not his name - sitting at the window of his room at the inn. His bright red hair catches the light, setting it ablaze. He is watching the passers-by and she wonders what he sees in them. But she will ask him later. She walks directly into his line of sight, boldly looks up at him. He visibly jumps, his hand grabs the window frame tightly as he stares at her with wide, disbelieving eyes.
Kaoru holds his gaze. She has the upper hand, at least for now, and it makes her feel brave. Before he has time to recover, she shakes her head and points to a quieter street leading away from the riverbank. Unsure for a second, he nods. Not waiting for him, Kaoru makes her way to the other street.
The hustle and bustle of the riverbank vanishes the minute she rounds the corner. Kaoru forces herself to breathe slowly, evenly. In the months she has known him, Kenshin has never given her a reason to fear him. But Battousai…. Battousai goes against everything she believes in. She has questions, questions that she will demand answered, and if he cannot give a satisfying reply, then…
She tightens her hold on her bokken, draws strength from its comforting presence and ignores the fact that she doesn’t stand a chance against Battousai, not really, but Kenshin…
“Kaoru-dono…”
The soft voice is most definitely Kenshin’s but she does not smile when she turns to face him (oh, if she had her back to him then she doesn’t really fear for her life, does she?). Her own voice is perfectly steady as she speaks.
“Will you kill me?”
“What?” Not the introduction he expected. Perfect.
Kaoru crosses her arms under her chest. “No witnesses, aren’t those your orders? I saw you the other night. So, will you do it?”
“No.”
“I know which inn you’re staying at, I could just…”
“No! Stop that! I won’t kill you. I would never hurt you.” Using the word “kill” while thinking of Kaoru-dono feels so wrong, Kenshin has to force himself to say it.
But Kaoru leaves him no respite, attacks from another angle. “Why are you doing this?”
Ah, there it is. Both know that he cannot fail this one. Kenshin looks down at the ground, gathers his thoughts, tries to organize them. He has to make her see, has to make her understand. If the past days have taught him something, it is that she is far too precious, that he does not want to lose her.
“Because… because I was born in a small village, to farmers, and I have seen people slave away for lords that would rather they starve to death in winter than cut back on their taxes. Because I’ve seen parents mourn their children, or sell them to slave traders so that they’d have one less mouth to feed.”
He looks up at her then, looks straight into her eyes and holds her gaze. While his explanation started as a whisper, Kaoru can now hear fire in his voice, fervour, and his unwavering belief that he is doing the right thing. “These children never make it back home, Kaoru-dono. They’re used and worn to the bone, and thrown out when they can no longer serve. Lives wasted for lords who sit comfortably in their homes and who could not care less. They can always be replaced, can’t they? And if they try to protest, those lords won’t hesitate to have several of them murdered, innocent or not, to scare the others.”
“I know cold, Kaoru-dono”, Kenshin swallows, then presses on, “I know cold and hunger and fear, and I cannot sit back and watch more people suffer and die under this corrupt and unfair government, not when I’ve gained the strength to do something about it. You told me Kamiya Kasshin Ryu is the sword that protects life. Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu is the sword wielded to defend those who cannot defend themselves, and I have vowed to do so. I fight so that the poor and weak can have a better chance at life, I fight so that merit and talent can come to mean more than birth and status, and for this, the Bakufu must be brought down. The new era will never be perfect, of course. It will not bring peace and happiness to everyone. But if it is even just the slightest bit fairer to its people, then I have to carry on, even if it means dirtying my sword.”
Kenshin stills, breath short, at the end of his tirade. There is little more he can say. He can only stand very, very still and wait for Kaoru to make up her mind - he tries to quiet his mind and ignore the way her teeth worry her lower lips or how her hand repeatedly clenches around the hilt of her bokken, but her silence stretches. Still, he will respect her decision, no matter what it is. She deserves this much, and if he ends up alone again… then it is only where he belongs.
-~-~-~-
“For a better chance at life…” Of course. Kaoru knew there had to be a good explanation to what she had seen. Still, even though she hates herself for what she is about to say next, there is one last thing that she needs to know. Yet it is her turn to whisper.
“They’ll offer you a position in the government…”
Kenshin doesn’t miss a heartbeat. “I won’t accept it. I couldn’t care less about that.”
“No? You’d be good at it though. You of all people know the price being paid for this new era; you wouldn’t let it go to waste.”
“I don’t want it. I couldn’t accept any reward for the blood I’ve spilled; no one should be respected for that. I am not asking for forgiveness, Kaoru-dono, but please, try to understand…”
Ah, her self-deprecating Kenshin. It feels like they have come full circle and Kaoru fervently wishes that the Emperor knows about the honourable men fighting for his return to power… and the price that they are paying.
She is silent for a long moment as she thinks Kenshin’s words over. Finally, she relents.
“You are a good man, Himura Kenshin. Better, perhaps, than many of us could ever hope to be. I won’t ever approve of the Shishi’s methods, but I do apologize for doubting you. Just… give me a little time to get used to it, okay?”
She smiles at him again, for the first time in far too long, and he feels a heavy weight being lifted from his shoulders, air reaching more easily into his lungs.
“Of course”, he breathes. Wonder of wonders, Kaoru’s warm smile turns impish.
“In the meantime…” she turns away and walks towards the other end of the street. She is willingly giving him her back again, a symbol of trust among swordsmen, “I believe you owe me lunch.”
Lunch. Lunch. Stunned, elated, his heart swelling till it’s in his throat, Kenshin wants to run to her and hug her, hold her tight and let her know just how much her acceptance and approval mean to him. But they’re in public and he doesn’t want to push his luck just yet, so he quickly catches up with her and brushes her hand instead, the one that is still holding her bokken.
“Thank you, Kaoru-dono,” he hopes with all his might that his words have the appropriate weight; but briefly squeezing her hand for emphasis is all he dares, “thank you.”
She shakes her head, “You are too kind, Kenshin. It may be your biggest fault. Your heart is too kind. Your sword should be building the new era, not destroying the old one… But anyway, how about the Shirobeko?”
Her last comment startles him, but Kenshin decides to let it slide, for now at least. He chuckles instead in response to her question, and her friend’s laughter is music to Kaoru’s ears.
Chapter: 5/? - My Heart In Your Open Hand
Rating: PG
Summary: Somehow, he couldn’t help but notice the young woman who dared walk the streets of Kyoto alone after dark and wielded only a bokken. It was only a matter of time before their paths crossed.
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: Nope. Which begs the question: where is my Kenshin???
Note: This one was tricky to write. I hope I got it right… Any comments will be welcome!
My Heart In Your Open Hand
Rain. Droplets roll down her face, soak her to the bone. Kaoru is cold.
Rain. She turns one corner, then another. Rain is the only thing she hears, the only thing she smells. She turns left, and left again. Her steps draw a spiral in the streets, as she slowly gets closer to the center. She knows what she’ll find there, but she needs to be sure, because maybe there’s still hope…
Rain. Oh, she dreads reaching the center, her stomach clenches, her throat constricts in fear. But she needs to know…
Rain. Now she sees him. Them. Human-shaped shadows, falling, and in their midst, harsh as lightning and just as implacable…
Rain… Blood. Blood, blood, blood, blood, it’s raining blood.
Kaoru wakes up with a wordless scream in her throat and her heart hammering in her chest, and does not go back to sleep.
-~-~-~-
He has stopped trying to approach her, but the lethal strike still replays in Kaoru’s mind at night, over and over again. The surgical precision. The brutal efficiency. And the hard, searing golden eyes… She is repulsed by the idea that it could all come from her sweet, soft-spoken Kenshin.
For days, she refuses to see him. Her mind is still reeling and on constant alert, but she never senses even a wisp of his ki. Kaoru goes on with her life: she shops at the market, teaches her classes at the Maekawa dojo but she gets home exhausted, her nerves frayed. She tries training to calm herself, but every strike reminds her of what he could do with them.
-~-~-~-
Days.
Then comes a point when she has had enough. Harsh golden eyes still invade most of her waking moments and plague her dreams, but she’s beginning to feel more angry than scared. Her frustration (at herself because the Kamiya are not cowards, the Kamiya face their fears, yet she’s been behaving like a little girl hiding behind her mother’s legs; and at him, because although he did not outright lie to her, he still wasn’t honest, and she trusted him, dammit) has her change into her training clothes and grab her favourite bokken before she marches out of the gate of her dojo.
She is no frightened little girl. She will face him, sword expert to sword expert.
Kaoru walks up the riverbank, her mind focused. The world around her blurs; she will not give it a chance to distract her and make her lose her nerve.
She finds Battousai - oh, he’s Battousai all right, she can admit it now, but a name is just that, a name, and she will not fear it. His sword, maybe, his cold, unforgiving stare, yes, but not his name - sitting at the window of his room at the inn. His bright red hair catches the light, setting it ablaze. He is watching the passers-by and she wonders what he sees in them. But she will ask him later. She walks directly into his line of sight, boldly looks up at him. He visibly jumps, his hand grabs the window frame tightly as he stares at her with wide, disbelieving eyes.
Kaoru holds his gaze. She has the upper hand, at least for now, and it makes her feel brave. Before he has time to recover, she shakes her head and points to a quieter street leading away from the riverbank. Unsure for a second, he nods. Not waiting for him, Kaoru makes her way to the other street.
The hustle and bustle of the riverbank vanishes the minute she rounds the corner. Kaoru forces herself to breathe slowly, evenly. In the months she has known him, Kenshin has never given her a reason to fear him. But Battousai…. Battousai goes against everything she believes in. She has questions, questions that she will demand answered, and if he cannot give a satisfying reply, then…
She tightens her hold on her bokken, draws strength from its comforting presence and ignores the fact that she doesn’t stand a chance against Battousai, not really, but Kenshin…
“Kaoru-dono…”
The soft voice is most definitely Kenshin’s but she does not smile when she turns to face him (oh, if she had her back to him then she doesn’t really fear for her life, does she?). Her own voice is perfectly steady as she speaks.
“Will you kill me?”
“What?” Not the introduction he expected. Perfect.
Kaoru crosses her arms under her chest. “No witnesses, aren’t those your orders? I saw you the other night. So, will you do it?”
“No.”
“I know which inn you’re staying at, I could just…”
“No! Stop that! I won’t kill you. I would never hurt you.” Using the word “kill” while thinking of Kaoru-dono feels so wrong, Kenshin has to force himself to say it.
But Kaoru leaves him no respite, attacks from another angle. “Why are you doing this?”
Ah, there it is. Both know that he cannot fail this one. Kenshin looks down at the ground, gathers his thoughts, tries to organize them. He has to make her see, has to make her understand. If the past days have taught him something, it is that she is far too precious, that he does not want to lose her.
“Because… because I was born in a small village, to farmers, and I have seen people slave away for lords that would rather they starve to death in winter than cut back on their taxes. Because I’ve seen parents mourn their children, or sell them to slave traders so that they’d have one less mouth to feed.”
He looks up at her then, looks straight into her eyes and holds her gaze. While his explanation started as a whisper, Kaoru can now hear fire in his voice, fervour, and his unwavering belief that he is doing the right thing. “These children never make it back home, Kaoru-dono. They’re used and worn to the bone, and thrown out when they can no longer serve. Lives wasted for lords who sit comfortably in their homes and who could not care less. They can always be replaced, can’t they? And if they try to protest, those lords won’t hesitate to have several of them murdered, innocent or not, to scare the others.”
“I know cold, Kaoru-dono”, Kenshin swallows, then presses on, “I know cold and hunger and fear, and I cannot sit back and watch more people suffer and die under this corrupt and unfair government, not when I’ve gained the strength to do something about it. You told me Kamiya Kasshin Ryu is the sword that protects life. Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu is the sword wielded to defend those who cannot defend themselves, and I have vowed to do so. I fight so that the poor and weak can have a better chance at life, I fight so that merit and talent can come to mean more than birth and status, and for this, the Bakufu must be brought down. The new era will never be perfect, of course. It will not bring peace and happiness to everyone. But if it is even just the slightest bit fairer to its people, then I have to carry on, even if it means dirtying my sword.”
Kenshin stills, breath short, at the end of his tirade. There is little more he can say. He can only stand very, very still and wait for Kaoru to make up her mind - he tries to quiet his mind and ignore the way her teeth worry her lower lips or how her hand repeatedly clenches around the hilt of her bokken, but her silence stretches. Still, he will respect her decision, no matter what it is. She deserves this much, and if he ends up alone again… then it is only where he belongs.
-~-~-~-
“For a better chance at life…” Of course. Kaoru knew there had to be a good explanation to what she had seen. Still, even though she hates herself for what she is about to say next, there is one last thing that she needs to know. Yet it is her turn to whisper.
“They’ll offer you a position in the government…”
Kenshin doesn’t miss a heartbeat. “I won’t accept it. I couldn’t care less about that.”
“No? You’d be good at it though. You of all people know the price being paid for this new era; you wouldn’t let it go to waste.”
“I don’t want it. I couldn’t accept any reward for the blood I’ve spilled; no one should be respected for that. I am not asking for forgiveness, Kaoru-dono, but please, try to understand…”
Ah, her self-deprecating Kenshin. It feels like they have come full circle and Kaoru fervently wishes that the Emperor knows about the honourable men fighting for his return to power… and the price that they are paying.
She is silent for a long moment as she thinks Kenshin’s words over. Finally, she relents.
“You are a good man, Himura Kenshin. Better, perhaps, than many of us could ever hope to be. I won’t ever approve of the Shishi’s methods, but I do apologize for doubting you. Just… give me a little time to get used to it, okay?”
She smiles at him again, for the first time in far too long, and he feels a heavy weight being lifted from his shoulders, air reaching more easily into his lungs.
“Of course”, he breathes. Wonder of wonders, Kaoru’s warm smile turns impish.
“In the meantime…” she turns away and walks towards the other end of the street. She is willingly giving him her back again, a symbol of trust among swordsmen, “I believe you owe me lunch.”
Lunch. Lunch. Stunned, elated, his heart swelling till it’s in his throat, Kenshin wants to run to her and hug her, hold her tight and let her know just how much her acceptance and approval mean to him. But they’re in public and he doesn’t want to push his luck just yet, so he quickly catches up with her and brushes her hand instead, the one that is still holding her bokken.
“Thank you, Kaoru-dono,” he hopes with all his might that his words have the appropriate weight; but briefly squeezing her hand for emphasis is all he dares, “thank you.”
She shakes her head, “You are too kind, Kenshin. It may be your biggest fault. Your heart is too kind. Your sword should be building the new era, not destroying the old one… But anyway, how about the Shirobeko?”
Her last comment startles him, but Kenshin decides to let it slide, for now at least. He chuckles instead in response to her question, and her friend’s laughter is music to Kaoru’s ears.