(no subject)
.I wake up to a splitting headache and sore limbs. Oh, the delights of having a massive hangover. I flutter my eyes open and I look around. Too my disapproval Brian wasn’t there to wake up to. I groan as I throw my legs over my bunk and start to head out into the sitting room/living room. I look down to make sure my “little friend” wasn’t there and seeing it wasn’t, I moved on.
I looked around and everyone (excluding Matt and Brian) we’re all but dead.
“I told you guys not to party that hard last night and you fuckers didn’t listen.” Matt ranted. I shake my head and went and got coffee and sat next to Brian in hopes he cooled down from the previous night. He looked over at me and scooted away a little. I frown at this. Why was he still acting weird? I escape my thoughts to hear Jimmy and Matt arguing.
“Well sooooorrrrrrryyyyy for living the rockstar lifestyle Matt.” Jimmy yelled.
“Oh, don’t use that bullshit. You know how you guys perform when you are badly hungover.” I close my eyes to their voices making my very apparent headache throb more.
“Will guys shut the fuck up! My headache is one of the worst I have ever had and I feel like shit. Matt, we’re sorry, just get off our backs.” I yell noticing Matt turning a little red with anger. “Playing the show will be our punishment for partying like we did.”
“Damn right it will be.” He huffed and quickly walked out to his bunk. I rub my forehead and I feel a hand on my back.
“ Want some aspirin dude?” Jimmy said as he hovered over where I was sitting. I nodded slowly and popped three into my mouth. After watching Jimmy pass out on the couch I caught a quick glance at Bri. He seemed so calm. It was so weird not seeing him suffering with us. He looked so perfect. His hair not gelled up in spikes quite yet. Him in his flannel PJ bottoms and a old Guns N’ Roses cut off shirt. It was a gift to see him like this when no one else did. He caught me staring and I quickly looked away. I coughed a little and turned to him to get a conversation going, but he quickly got up and headed towards the bathroom. I furrowed my eyebrows and shook my head. This whole avoiding things was really getting old.
~~~~~~~~~
Three days has passed since the conversation we had by the bus in Nevada. The show in Arizona was better on Syn’s part and though he acted everything was fine on stage, he quickly changed that and went straight back to avoiding me. I try to talk to him, but all he does is finds Jimmy and gets so shit faced he can’t even talk. We are now driving to California for some of our biggest shows of the tour. I’m not going to let Brian carry this little charade on any longer. I have to crack him.
~~~~~~~~~~
I slip into the living room and look intensely all over the room for the brown haired man. Shit, no luck. Johnny comes from his bunk and looks at me with a confused look on his face.
“Are you looking for something dude?” he asked.
“Not something. Someone.” I say looking passed him seeing Matt climb out of the bathroom.
“Matt! Have you seen Bri?” I say really loudly hoping that maybe he will come out of his hiding spot.
“No dude. Last time I saw him he was smoking outside,” he said holding the towel up that was around his waist. I nodded and cursed under my breath. I hate stopping in cities I don’t know cause our band could be anywhere. I head towards the door and just as I was about to open it Jimmy’s face was right in front of mine.
“Fuck dude you scared the shit outta me,” I say while trying to calm down. He smiled widely and slapped my shoulder.
“Sorry man. BUT! I did get booze for us tonight!” he stumbled into the bus with cases of Heineken and Mike’s Hard Lemonade. I smile a little and then I descend down the stairs to see if my prey was outside.
Being my first time outside since we stopped I didn’t realize how close we were to a lot of familiar places. Wal-mart was across the street and also a few various restaurants and a dilapidated Shamrock gas station. I stood still for a while looking around to see if he was walking from anywhere.
Just as I looked at the Shamrock again I saw him walking towards the bus with another bag and a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. I start to walk forward and I could feel the heat rushing to my face. He looked up after looking in the bag and when he saw me he stopped dead in his tracks with eyes the size of dinner plates.
He tried to walk around me but I had him trapped, and he knew it.
“Brian, we need to talk. Now.” I could feel my eyes change from a calm jade green to a devilish forest green. He slid out his cigarette and threw it to the ground.
“What is there to even talk about?” he said blowing smoke out as he said it. Trying to get out of the conversation.
“You know exactly what Bri.” I glared at him and I could tell right away he was putting his Synyster I-don’t-give-a-fuck-what-anybody-thinks Gates act. He narrowed his eyes.
“ I have no idea what you’re talking about Zachary.” I winced at the use of my full name. I hate it when he uses it when we aren’t kidding around. He tried to walk around me but I grab his arm and pull him back.
“Don’t fucking walk away from me. And turn off your Syn Gates attitude right now or you’re going to piss me off even more than I need to be.” I feel him flinch a little after a grabbed him. He’s not used to being the one under control. He’s usually the one doing the controlling.
“Let go of me dude. I still don’t want to talk about it.” I throw him in front of me and at this point I’m really considering punching him.
“See!? There is obviously something that is bothering you! Dude, you have been avoiding me for the passed like 4 days now and we are soon playing some of our biggest shows. I don’t want this little “thing” to get in between us!” He shot me the most evil of glare I have ever seen anyone do in my life.
“You wanna know why I’m avoiding you? You really do?” He poked my chest and it made me step back a little by how hard he thrusted.
“You. God I don’t even know where to start.” he then sets the bags of which he was carrying earlier down. He was preparing for something and it made me uneasy to think about.
“Ok, remember that one night you we’re on the computer?” I remember right away, this is how my whole feelings for him came to me. Of course I remember.
“Well, I noticed you were off that entire rest of the night so I got curious and made up that bull shit of us having to get back early.” He furrow my eyebrows. I started to say something, but he put a finger up in the air silencing me at once.“So I decided to wait until you were asleep, which took forever mind you, and decided to look at what the hell you we’re looking at.” My heart dropped at that very second. He didn’t.
“I got on to the internet and god damnit I saw.” He did. “I saw pictures of us and that didn’t really get to me. Then, I saw a little website called avengedfanfiction.com and I got curious.” He started to pace now, that’s when I know he’s uncomfortable about something.
“So as I got on the website, I started reading.” he stopped and looked me straight in the eye. “Why, in the fucking world were you looking at stories that involved us, doing… GOD I don’t even know what to say!” he threw his hands up in the air. “What the hell is wrong with you Zack!? You’re not even gay! It’s weird!” And by saying that my temper finally got ahold of me.
“How the hell did you get on my fucking computer anyway?!” I was yelling incredibly loud. Probably louder than I should of, but I was pissed.
“It’s called being your best friend and knowing all your passwords.” I was so close to punching him it was ridiculous.
“How did you find out what sites I was even looking at?!” I yelled
“It’s called a history button Zack learn to delete it once in awhile.” I start to think about what he said before.
“ You don’t think find that site was weird for me too!? Dude it freaked me out as much as you did! That’s why I was acting so weird!.” he looked up at me and started up again.
“Lemme finish!” he got started pacing again. “That’s what I thought at first, so it didn’t bother me that much. Seeing that kind of thing weirds people out, knowing what fan’s think of you. But then I realized you started staring at me ways you never have before.” he was still pacing. “Then the morning after you had a fuckin' boner and to think I was the one who woke you up.” I knit my eyebrows together.
“I could have had a dream about anything dud-” I get cut off.
“Then in the bathroom when you took care of the situation I could have sworn I heard my name coming out of your mouth while you were fucking jacking off.” When he said this I looked up to him right away. I had no idea I did that. And now thinking back on it, it might have slipped out. I bite my snakebites trying to cover it up.
“Don’t even deny it Zacky. You’re feeling something for me aren’t you.” at this point he was in my face and I had no choice but to look at him.
“I- I don’t really kno-”
“Zacky fucking tell me RIGHT now!” I think back to the couple of minutes ago when I was the one in control of this conversation. It’s amazing how fierce he can be in the end. I look up at him and I slightly nod. He groans and I state my case.
“I have no idea what’s up with me dude. After reading all those fucking story things on the Internet I realized that my feelings for you were right from the start.” He looked confused and disgusted at the same time.
“I thought it was just jealousy at first, but I was just denying everything. You are my best friend, and possibly everything I’ve always wanted.” He shook his head and he tried to say something, but words didn’t come out. But then a thought occurred to me in the midst of everything that was happening.
“You still haven’t told me why you were so weird when you saw me in shower that one time.” He quickly looked up and shouted.
“How can you possibly think I wanna talk about that right now. That’s another reason I was acting so weird. I knew your computer secret then and when I was in there I was afraid I gave you images.” This completely pissed me off.
‘Dude! I’m not like that! I can’t believe this! Is that seriously the reason?! If it is all I can say is a big: fuck you. Sure I said your name while jacking off so sue me! GOD you are so full of bullshit Haner! I know that’s not the only reason you came in there but fucking what ever!” I stormed away. Leaving him there to think of what he said to me. That conversation could have not gone any worse. I stumble onto the bus and run to my bunk immediately. I flop down and tears run down my face. My feelings for probably the one person I looked up too were finally forced out of me, and probably fucked up or friendship. These next shows are going to be hell.